


Modern Disbelief

by aqueenofokay



Category: The Misfits (Podcast)
Genre: Highschool AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-10-08 02:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17377814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqueenofokay/pseuds/aqueenofokay
Summary: In a small, quiet town where nothing ever happens, Swagger is the outcast, the strange kid, the misfit. He walks around in a knight's helmet and refuses to take it off, even around his friends. His 'strangeness' attracts a group of misfits who have all become outcasted by the small town they live in. After one late summer night, they are no longer the strangest things to happen to this town.





	1. August

**Author's Note:**

> I'm super excited for this story! It's inspired by episode 22 of the Misfits podcast where Swaggersouls was talking about how if he ever did a face reveal, it'd have to be a feature-length film! So this story is my idea of that film! It's inspired by a lot of coming of age, misfit-esque teenager movies such as Perks of Being a Wallflower, Lady Bird and Kings of the Summer! I may or may not send it to the guys when it's done, we'll see. I'm writing it as if they will see it so there aren't any ships in this story.  
> I hope you guys enjoy it!

The smell of mothballs and dust filled the air. Metal hangers squeaked on metal racks. Music played faintly over the speaker; its generic beat and lyrics too muffled to be distinguishable. The click-clacking sound of heels on the old floorboards echoed down the aisle lined with old lint covered fleece sweaters in all the colours of the rainbow and faded jeans.

Sitting on the floor, surrounded by warm wool and fleece sweaters covered with vivid patterns and bright colours was a young boy who wore a pair of old high top running shoes, blue jean overalls, a striped t-shirt and a metal, dented knight’s helmet; the gold cross on the front flashing in the dull white light like the gold heels the boy he was watching wore as he strutted up and down the narrow aisle.

“What do you think?” the boy asked the boy knight, looking down at the remaining gold sequins on the old pair of heels. They looked like the kind of shoes a movie star like Vera Ellen or Elizabeth Taylor would have worn.

“I think they look old,” the knight said, his voice muffled under the metal of his helmet. The blonde boy sighed dramatically.

“Other than old. You said that about the blue pair too.”

“Cause they were old!”

“We’re in a thrift store, Swagger. Everything is old,” the blonde boy sighed. "I'm never going to be able to buy a pair of these new..." he muttered under his breath.

“You're old too judging by that attitude,” the knight said, crossing his arms. A bright orange sleeve of one of the sweaters hanging above him hung over his helmet. The blonde boy ignored him, kicking the heels off his socked feet, the mismatched patterns of orange stripes on his left foot and dinosaurs on his right foot flashing in the dull white light. He shuffled across the floor to his old running shoes, pulling them back on without bothering to untie the ragged laces. “Are you going to get those heels?” Swagger asked, crawling out from under the rack of sweaters as the blonde boy stared down at the golden pair of heels he had left on the floor.

“I don’t know… I don’t think I uh…” the boy stammered. He sounded hesitant; nervous. Under his helmet, Swagger frowned. He watched the blonde boy pick the golden shoes up, his eyes lighting up as the golden sequins sparkled. “I don’t think I have the money for them anyway,” he sighed.

It wasn’t money that was the problem.

“They make you happy though, Toby,” the knight pointed out.

“I guess. I’ll save up for them,” the boy said as he turned to walk back to the shoe aisle to put them back. Swagger sighed as he followed him through the dusty aisles full of old clothes that had been worn and worn again before finally being given away for someone else to wear and wear again. Toby set the glittering heels down on the shelf and gave Swagger a half-hearted smile. “I’m hungry. Let's go to the mall,” he said, starting pass Swagger. The knight glanced back at the glittering heels before hurrying after him.

The two boys walked back through the cluttered, claustrophobic aisles, watched constantly by the eyes of classic movie stars and musicians from posters on the wood walls and stepped outside in the warm August sunlight. The warm glow reflected off the silver and gold metal of the boy’s knight helmet as he raised his gaze from the quiet street one block away from the two-block stretch the small suburban town called ‘downtown’. The real city with a real downtown neighbourhood was an hour's bus ride away. The hands of the old clock atop the old town hall building pointed to a quarter after four. A group of kids out front of the small arcade and ice cream shop across the street watched them, their questioning gazes and whispers behind their hands targeted at the boy in the knight's helmet.

Swagger barely noticed. He had learned not long after putting on the helmet to not care about the strange, curious and confused looks like the ones the kids across the street or the girl at the counter in the thrift store gave him.  

That was better said than done though.

Most days, he didn’t notice. Other days, all he could think about were the stares trying to bore through the metal to get into his head. Sometimes he prefered the taunts and the shoves over the stares.

Toby always noticed the stares.

“Are we going?” Toby called out to Swagger who had been looking up at the bright blue sky above him. There wasn’t a single cloud. He lowered his gaze through the narrow slits in the metal to meet Toby’s. There was something defeated about the way the blonde boy stood by his bicycle. There was a look of quiet disappointment in his eyes.

“Wait… I uh… I forgot something,” Swagger said before quickly turning back to the door of the thrift shop.

“Forgot what?” Toby called out after him. Swagger ignored him, the door swinging shut behind him. He walked as quickly as he could without being more suspicious than he already was with the helmet back to the shoe aisle. He stopped in front of the golden heels. Swagger glanced around the aisle of old leather jackets at the girl who sat by the counter, her eyes painted with blue eyeshadow locked on her magazine.

Swagger picked up the pair of golden heels.

Toby had his bike unlocked and was sitting on it by the time Swagger came back outside. His eyes widened.

The gold sequins glittered in the warm summer sunlight as the boy handed Toby the heels.

“D-Did you buy these?” Toby stammered.

The knight in overalls shrugged.

“Come on,” Swagger said as he unlocked his bike and got on. “Let’s get something to eat.” Toby stared down at the heels in his hand before nodding, a wide smile on his face as he pedalled after the boy wearing the heavy knight’s helmet with one hand on his right handlebar, his left clutching the pair of heels.

The brick buildings flew past. The warm, late summer sunlight glinted off Swagger’s helmet; the glow illuminating the dents and scratches earned overtime from his many adventures into the woods or in fights in the schoolyard. He gripped the handlebars tightly as they biked through the few blocks that made up the small downtown section. Soon they were narrow roads lined with large oak trees, their green leaves creating a canopy overhead. Old houses watched the two boys go by. Some had kids playing in their driveways; playing street hockey, drawing stick figures and spectacular creatures only kids can think up with chalk only to be washed away with the next thunderstorm or drinking slushies on the front steps of their houses. They all watched Swagger go by with curious wonder.

The little kids always thought his helmet was cool.

Eventually, the houses started to look newer and newer. They rode past the new movie theatre and the new supermarket, past long rectangular buildings with sliding glass doors and bright red signs advertising the next sale in the windows. They reached the mall, riding through the endless parking lot before reaching the doors to the food court, locking their bikes up out front. The busy road turned into the highway that stretched on past the mall and on into the horizon towards the sprawling city. A long freight train rumbled down the track on the other side of the highway, it’s long metal cars covered in spray-painted tags.  

A blast of cold air from the air conditioner hit the two boys as they walked into the mall. Bright neon rods of lights on the walls glowed brightly. The greasy smells of fast food floated through the air. Their sneakers squeaked on the white and black checkered floor. Swagger found a spot to sit in the corner of the small food court while he waited for Toby to return with greasy burgers and fries. Toby’s glittering heels sat on the table in front of Swagger. Through the narrow slits of his heavy helmet, he watched the dull, saturated room around him. Teenagers like him with nothing else to do sat at the awkward, plastic tables and chairs, gossiping about summer antics and shows they had gone to see in the city. Older couples sat silently across each other while they ate Chinese food. Only a few of them cast questioning glances at him.

“You’re something of a cryptid,” his younger friend, Jay, had said one lazy summer afternoon at the lake. “People tell legends about you. You came from outer space! Or you travelled through time and you still haven’t figured out how to take all your armour off yet,” Jay laughed.

“How do you know those stories aren’t true?” Swagger had asked seriously. Jay stopped laughing and stared at him. He was too gullible for his own good. “How do you know I’m not an alien under here?”

“It’s true,” Toby had said, having to look down to hide his smile at Jay’s wide-eyed disbelief. “He is an alien under there. Watch out or he’ll probe you.”

“Can you not say that, thanks?” Jay laughed, the warm summer sun glinting on his black curls.

Under his helmet, Swagger smiled.

He was pulled back to present by Toby sitting down across him, setting a tray down between them. Swagger took a fry and managed to stuff it through one of the holes in his helmet. Toby blinked.

“What took you so long?” Swagger asked as Toby took a sip from his cola.

“Kid at the soda machine couldn’t figure out how it worked. I had to show him,” Toby smiled. He turned in his seat, scanning the food court. “Him. Tall gawky looking kid.” He pointed at a blonde boy sitting across from his mom. Feeling watched, the tall boy raised his gaze and saw Toby and the boy wearing a knight’s helmet staring at him. His brow furrowed dramatically. Toby quickly spun around and Swagger lowered his gaze even though his eyes were barely visible through the narrow slits in the metal. He giggled under his helmet. “Stop it,” Toby said, putting his hand over his mouth to hide his smile.

“Oh like he’s gonna hear me,” Swagger rolled his eyes, his voice nearly lost to the din of voices filling the food court. Toby glared at the knight in overalls. Swagger smiled, taking another fry. “Did you want to go to that party by the lake tonight?”

“That’s the seniors' party. Did you forget we’re not seniors till next year?” Toby said sharply.

“Like anyone is gonna care if we’re seniors or not. I want to go.”

“I don’t know… I kinda wanted to go to the movies tonight.”

“Boring! Besides I got you those shoes. You owe me.”

“Owe you?” Toby’s eyes widened.

“I put my life on the line for those old ass things.”

“No you didn’t, shut up.”

“Yes, I did.”

“You’re horrible,” Toby said, crossing his arms.

“It’s the last weekend of the summer. I want to have fun, Toby!”

“The movies can be fun.”

“You’re actually horrible,” Swagger laughed. “How about we go for one hour then we can go see whatever movie you want to see?”

“Fine. One hour,” Toby sighed dramatically. His frown morphed into a smile. “And I get to decide what movie we see.”

 

The bathroom light buzzed. Water dripped from the white plastic topped counter. The wooden door was closed, a brightly coloured beach towel decorated with a map of the solar system hanging off the hook. Dust collected in the corners of the small bathroom. Swagger’s shaking hands gripped the side of the counter, the faded plastic cracked and peeling. He could hear Toby’s music playing in his bedroom. Swagger closed his eyes, trying to get his hands to stop shaking.

“The hell are you wearing?” his dad had said when he first saw him walk into the house wearing it two years ago. Swagger had stared at him for a few moments, trying to find the right words.

“I couldn’t find an astronaut helmet…” was all Swagger had said, his voice on the verge of cracking. “And… And knights are brave…” the little grade nine boy said, lowering his tearful gaze to the old rug in the front hallway.

“Are you going to take it off?” Silence filled the hallway. The boy stared down at the faded patterns on the old rug through the narrow slits of his helmet. The rug had been there since before he was born. The boy shook his head. His father sighed. “Look-”

“Swagger,” the boy said before his other name could be said.

“Swagger… “ The boy could hear his hesitation in his voice. No one had prepared him for his kid wanting to walk around in a knight’s helmet and changing his name. He looked up as his father knelt down in front of him on the old rug. “How about this? Whenever you feel scared, whenever you feel that you need to be brave, you can put the helmet on, okay? You’re safe,” he said with a smile. Swagger had stared at him through the narrow slits in the metal before slowly nodding.

Now, the sixteen-year-old boy stared at himself in the mirror through the narrow slits of the same metal helmet, the gold and silver metal glinting in the dull light. He took his hands off the counter, partially lifting the helmet as he turned away from the mirror to wipe the tears away. He took a deep breath as he lowered the helmet again.

_I don’t want to go anymore…_

He took another deep breath before reaching for the door handle. He slowly opened it, stepping out into the hallway, the old beige coloured carpet soft under his brightly coloured socks decorated with cartoon knights; a Christmas present from last year. He stepped into the doorway, watching Toby as he danced around Swagger's bedroom in his golden heels. The Christmas lights hung around the room filled the room with a warm, orange glowing light. Little paper planets and stars hung over the window. The only messy part of his room was his closet, clothes slowly oozing out of the sliding mirror door like molten lava. Toby spun around to face Swagger, his shoes glittering in the orange light.

“Do you think I could wear these tonight? Maybe not...it’s at the lake and I don’t want to twist my ankle. What do you…” the blonde boy trailed off when he looked up at Swagger. “What’s wrong?” Swagger sighed, lowering his gaze to the floor. Toby knew him too well.

“Nothing, I just… Uh…”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you ready to go?” Swagger asked, forcing a smile for Toby. The blonde boy nodded, a bright smile on his face.

“I think Jay said he’s going tonight too,” Toby said, kicking off the heels. “Can I leave these here for now? I’ll grab them tomorrow.” Swagger nodded as Toby hid them under the bed. “I think we should go see that alien movie tonight. It came out two weeks ago, remember?” Toby chattered away, pulling on his sneakers. Swagger said nothing as he led the way down the narrow carpeted stairs to the front hall, the old rug that had been there since before he was born scratching against his socks.

“Sounds good,” Swagger said, looking back at Toby who was tying his shoes as he quickly as he could. Once they were tied, the knight pulled open the front door and hurried down the front steps to their bikes, the screen door slamming shut behind Toby. They got on their bicycles and pedalled down the street, the warm summer evening air swirling around them. Warm eyes of light from houses that all looked the same watched the boys go past. One by one, the streetlamps began to turn on casting islands of orange light onto the cracked pavement. The orange glow reflected off Swagger’s helmet. With the warm wind whipping around him, his legs burning, his lungs heaving as he pedalled faster and faster down the street, his worries began to fade away.

Perhaps tonight would be different.

Perhaps there would be no tears tonight.

With the warm wind flying around him, his mind began to wander as he continued pedalling down the quiet suburban road.

_Hooves pounded on the muddy earth. Heavy armour and chainmail rattled. The great knight sitting atop a great black horse rode bravely forward, the golden cross on his helmet flashing in the grey light.  A heavy gold and red cape draped over his right shoulder fluttered in the wind. His hand, armed in heavy silver gauntlet adorned with gold crosses reached for his sword at his side. He drew the great sword, the silver iron glinting. A battle cry built in his chest._

“Swagger!” Toby’s voice pulled him back to reality. The boy turned, looking back at him. “It’s this way!” Swagger sighed, turning his bike around and pedalled after Toby down the street he had ridden past, lost in his daydream. Soon, the houses turned into tall trees, the dark road barely illuminated with the occasional lamp post. They passed the old run down house with boarded-up windows kids liked to break into sometimes. As they got closer to the lake, they could hear music and voices floating like the spook lights people claimed to see down by the railroad through the summer night air. They rode through the busy parking lot, old cars and new ones borrowed from parents parked in neat rows. Some kids hung around the cars, music blasting from the radio, the headlights casting hazy shadows onto the pavement.

“Hey!” Jay called out from the edge of the parking lot. Two bonfires burned on the beach behind him, sparks rising into the night sky. In his hand was a red solo cup full of some cheap beer.  He was dressed in an oversized black hoodie and jeans, his hood over his head, his black curls hanging over his forehead. He smiled at Toby and Swagger as they got off their bikes. “I didn’t think you guys were gonna come,” Jay said, taking a sip from his drink.

“Swagger’s feeling extroverted all of a sudden,” Toby said, glancing at Swagger who rolled his eyes.

“You learned that word yesterday. Shut up,” Swagger snapped at the sixteen-year-old who glared back at him.

“You’re just upset cause you don’t get it,” Toby said. Swagger blinked.

“Whatever. Where’d you get the beer?” Swagger asked Jay who lead them towards the beach. From across the parking lot, a tall boy in a white shirt and black jeans with rips on the knee watched them from where he stood alone by the old little car he had borrowed from his mom for the night. He looked lonely. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and started towards the beach in search of something to drink.

“We’re thinking of going to movies in a little bit. We’re gonna see that space one that came out a few weeks ago,” Toby said, the warm orange glow from the bonfire reflecting onto his glasses.

“I don’t wanna see that one,” Jay whined. “There’s that superhero one! Let's go see that one instead. Not some boring oscar nom bait.”

“You have horrible taste,” Swagger said, sipping his beer through a straw he had pushed through one of the holes in his helmet. He always carried a straw.

“Says you,” Jay rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to come with us,” Swagger laughed. Jay opened his mouth to respond but a harsh voice called out across the beach before he could.     

“Freaks,” they turned to see a group of senior boys stalking towards them. Swagger took a deep breath, nervousness settling heavily over him. “The fuck do you think you’re doing here?”

_Thirteen point eight billion... Four point five billion._

“J-Just having a good time on the last weekend before-”

“Shut up princess,” one of the boys snapped at Toby who flinched.

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Swagger snapped, wishing his voice didn’t echo inside his helmet.

“I’ll do whatever I want, freak. Princess, princess, princess,” the older boy laughed at Toby. Swagger threw his beer at the older boy. Beer dripped to the sand. The circle of teenagers that had gathered around them were silent for a few moments before laughing at the older boy. Jay and Toby stared at Swagger like he had gone insane. The older boy suddenly lunged at Swagger. The knight fell back to the sand, his head hitting the inside of his helmet hard. His ears rang. He felt hands grip the helmet, starting to pull it off. Swagger screamed, hitting at the older boy who pulled at his helmet.

"Get off me!" Swagger screamed. "Get off me! Let go!"

“You’re fucking dead! Dead! You hear me!? De-”

A sudden force threw the older boy off the knight.

Swagger opened his eyes, heaving frantically for air as he reached up to his helmet, pulling it back down so he could see. His saviour was the tall, awkward blonde boy Toby had pointed out at the food court. Swagger sat up, staring wide-eyed at the tall boy punched the bully. The circle around them was yelling now, egging on the two boys who fought on the sand. Toby and Jay hauled Swagger to his feet as the bully managed to punch the tall boy, blood splattering onto his white shirt. The older boy grabbed his collar, raising his fist to punch the blonde boy again. Swagger got to his feet, kicking the bully as hard as he could. He grabbed onto the tall boy’s hands, helping him to his feet.

“Mother fucker,” the tall boy gasped, pinching the bridge of his bleeding nose.

“Fuck you!” Swagger yelled at the older boy before turning away from him, his trembling hand still gripping the tall boy’s wrist tightly. They started back towards the parking lot, Jay and Toby hurrying after them.

“You’re fucking dead, freak!” the older boy screamed after them. They reached the parking lot; blood dripping from the tall boy's nose to the earth.

“M-My car is over there,” the tall boy said, still not saying anything about Swagger’s tight grip on his left wrist. They reached the car where the tall boy unlocked the front door, slumping down into the driver’s seat where he grabbed a package of tissues.

“You’re new around here, right? I’ve never seen you before,” Jay said from where he leaned against the car opposite the tall boy who nodded.

“Yea… I uh… Moved here with my mom a month ago. She didn’t want to wait one more year until I graduated high school,” the tall boy said nasally, a tissue pressed to his bleeding nose. “She wanted out of the city.”

“You’re from the city?”

“Yeah.”

“Must be nice,” Toby said, kicking a rock across the pavement.

“Not really,” the tall boy laughed. He looked up at Swagger, the orange glow from the streetlamp reflecting off the metal of his helmet. “Thanks for kicking that asshole off me. He punched hard,” he said with a laugh.

“Thanks for kicking him off me,” Swagger said, his hands still trembling.

“I like your helmet.”

“You do? Swagger blurted out. The boy nodded, a smile spreading on his blood-streaked lips. “T-Thanks,” Swagger smiled. “Oh… I’m Swagger. And they're Toby and Jay.”

“Nice to meet you,” the tall boy smiled. “Call me Fitz,” he said before suddenly wincing with pain as he leaned his head back against the seat. Blood stained to the tissue.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Toby asked. Fitz nodded.

“Yeah… I just need some ice. Hey uh… I just got a bunch of new video games if you guys want, you could come back to my place?”

“We were actually thinking of-” Jay cut Toby off with a sharp elbow jab. “Ow!”

“Sounds fun!” Jay smiled.

“Sure,” Swagger laughed. Toby rubbed his arm.

After loading their bikes into the trunk, the boy climbed into the car, arguing over what kind of pizza to get on their way to Fitz’s house. With a tissue stuffed up his nose, Fitz let them argue as he drove back into town, a content smile on his face. Sitting in the front passenger seat, Swagger glanced at Fitz through the narrow eye slits in his helmet. Lights from passing cars and orange street lamps flickered through the car. The warm night air whipped through the open windows. The knight smiled.

_Not so alone after all._

 

“Bye Swagger!”

“See you tomorrow!” Voices drifted from the small car and through the late night. Fitz grunted as he pulled Swagger’s bicycle from the trunk and set it down in front of the younger boy.

“Thanks,” Swagger smiled. “I’ll see you around?”

“Sounds good,” Fitz smiled before slamming the trunk shut and walking to his open door as Swagger wheeled his bike up the driveway. Fitz waited until Swagger had gotten inside the garage before driving off to drop Toby and Jay off safely at home.

The garage door whined shut.

Swagger left his bike leaning against the bare wooden wall cluttered with tools, skies and other equipment. He stepped up the two creaking wooden steps to the door that led inside, closing it quietly behind him. He glanced around the dark kitchen, the clock above the stove pointing to almost two am. The TV was still on in the living room, the blue light washing over the large room. His dad was asleep on the couch. The knight tiptoed past him and up the stairs. He reached his bedroom and quietly closed the door. He kicked off his shoes and turned on the lights strung about his room before settling down by his window. There was still a bit of popcorn stuck in his teeth that he had eaten while watching Toby and Fitz play video games in Fitz’s basement. The new house was still full of boxes.

The little planets and stars hanging above his window danced in the warm breeze coming through the screen. Swagger took a deep breath, leaning his head against the window frame as he looked up at the dark night sky. He could see the moon through the trees and a few stars glittering in the dark.

“I don’t think Fitz has any friends,” Toby had whispered to Swagger a few hours ago in the middle of the staircase down to Fitz’s basement where they could hear the older boy laughing at something Jay had said. “At least not here… Maybe in the city but…” Swagger glanced down the stairs then back at Toby.

“We’re his friends now,” Swagger said quietly.

The stars twinkled softly. Swagger stared up at them through the slits in his helmet. The soft white glow from the moon washed over him and spilt onto the clean bedroom floor.

“Thirteen point eight billion…” Swagger whispered. “Four point five billion…” He sighed, closing his eyes. A car drove past the house. A few blocks away, Toby said goodnight to his new friend, Fitz who smiled and waved back, a warmth settling in his chest. In a few hours, the sun would begin to rise. “Thirteen point eight billion… Four point five billion…”

The knight got up, walking away from his window to get ready for bed. He opened the bedroom door, padding across the hall to the bathroom. The sound of running water drifted back into the bedroom.

A small disc-like shape crossed over the moon, it’s shadow momentarily crossing the bedroom floor. The disc suddenly began to spiral towards the earth, smoke rippling across the night sky.

A bright blue light flashed through the window. Toby’s heels sparkled in the blue glow. The whole neighbourhood was washed in the blue light for only a moment before it disappeared again as quickly as it had appeared.

The tap turned off.

The town slept in silence.


	2. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so much for the support for the first chapter!!! <3 I'm so excited about this chapter! I hope you enjoy it! <3

Cotton candy clouds dotted the early, baby blue morning sky. The warm sunlight danced off the silver and gold metal of the boy’s knight’s helmet as he rode his bike down the quiet road, passing old houses that all looked the same; the same two stories, same tall four windows on the front and back, same creaking screen doors and the same driveways, all built long before he was born just like the rug in his front hallway. He imagined they'd be there long after he was gone. Birds sang in the trees. There was a promise of fall in the air; a crispness in the breeze. His backpack, full of new notebooks, pencils and a new calculator, bumped against his back as he stood up on the pedals, the morning breeze whistling through the holes in his helmet.

He turned the corner on to a street that was almost identical to the last. Tall trees lined the road. He biked past a group of little elementary aged kids waiting for the school bus; they watched the knight go by with curious gazes.

“You’re going to wear the helmet today?” his father had asked as Swagger pulled on his running shoes. Swagger looked up at him and nodded. His father sighed. “Alright,” he said, walking into the kitchen to refill his coffee cup. Swagger rolled his eyes and picked up his backpack.  
“See ya,” the teenager said as he pulled open the front door.

Now, Swagger pushed his bubble of annoyance away as he biked towards the school. As he got closer and closer, he passed kids walking to school, some dressed nicer than others because their parents wanted first day of school photos that would one day be looked at with a grimace and a laugh. Those kids would one day say “look at how stupid I looked”, grateful they no longer looked like that despite the longing they would feel for a simpler time in their lives; a time when anything in the whole world was possible. Some of the kids, whether dressed in torn jeans and baggy t-shirts or button-ups and skirts, stared at the knight as he pedalled past them, the morning sunlight glinting off his helmet.

The questioning gazes and laughs followed him through the school’s parking lot to the bike rack. Kneeling down by the front wheel, he distracted himself from the eyes that followed him by focusing on the bike lock, winding it around the front wheel and the metal rack; its blue paint peeling away to reveal the rusty metal underneath. The lock clicked. Slowly, he stood up, glancing over his shoulder at the stairs up to the front doors and the teenagers that sat on the still cold cement or hurried inside, eager to be first in the classroom to pick their seat. Swagger sighed, turning back to his bike.

Something small fluttering through the air caught his eye.

The knight looked up at the butterfly that flew around him, it’s beautiful orange and black wings glowing in the early morning sunlight. Swagger smiled.  
“Good morning,” he whispered. The butterfly fluttered its wings as it flew higher into the morning sky.

“Swagger!” The knight turned to see Toby and Jay walking over to him. “What are you doing?”

“Huh? Nothing,” Swagger said, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders. Toby glanced at Jay who shrugged.

“Come on, we’re gonna be late if we stand out here any longer,” Jay said. The three boys headed up the stairs, their voices getting lost in the drone that filled the hallways. Grade nines wandered around nervously, checking their schedules then looking at the numbers on the classroom doors.

A tall boy in a jean jacket dotted with odd pins and patches leaned against his locker, his eyes on his schedule. He looked up and down the hall, his brown hair falling over his eyes. He brushed it away and started down the hallway.

Seniors hovered around lockers, some of them watching the nervous grade nines and the tired grade ten and eleven kids with bemused smiles. Among the confused grade nines was Fitz, a thin scar running across his nose.

“Are you okay?” Swagger laughed when they found the tall boy standing by his locker, a strange, nervous expression written across his face.

“Yeah… I just… I’m not used to it yet,” Fitz said, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “You guys are gonna have to show me around,” he laughed.

“It’s easy!” Toby said, snatching the piece of paper with Fitz’s schedule out of his hand. “Your first class is-”

A sudden crash cut him off.

The boys turned to see a grade nine boy sprawled out on the polished floor, books and papers scattered around him. A group of senior boys laughed at him. Swagger watched the younger boy pick himself up; his pink hoodie was far too big for him. Fitz took his schedule back from Toby and walked over to the little boy, offering to help him pick up his stuff.

“I got it,” the grade nine boy snapped at Fitz who flinched back from him. Swagger watched the boy in the pink hoodie pick up the rest of his fallen books and stalk off down the hallway. Fitz glanced back at them as the first bell rang.

“Can’t save everyone, Fitz,” Toby said with a sigh. Swagger glanced back at the kid in the pink hoodie before hurrying after the other boys as they walked towards the stairs. They made plans to find each other at lunch and headed to their first classes.

Swagger kept his eyes down as he walked into the busy classroom, doing his best to not pay any attention to the sudden quieting of voices and the heads that snapped around to look at him. He slumped down into a seat at the back of the class, his gaze on the tall window and the blue morning sky outside. A cruel comment and a biting snicker in his direction made the boy wince under his helmet. He kept his eyes on the window.

“Good morning!” the teacher called out as she entered the room, a bundle of papers and novels cradled in her arms. “Are we all excited for the new school year?” A few groans answered her. “Let's get started with attendance.” Swagger barely paid her any attention, his eyes on the warm world on the other side of the glass.  
His name was called.

“H-Here…” Swagger put his hand up. The teacher blinked. “And can you call me Swagger please?” he added. A wave of giggles rolled through the classroom.

“Swagger?” The teacher repeated. The knight nodded, the sunlight coming through the window glinting off the gold and silver metal. Another wave of giggles. “Alright…” the teacher made a note on the paper. The knight turned his gaze back to the window, his shoulders hunched as if to protect himself from the whispers and the laughs. Swagger’s gaze landed on the dewy grass outside. The teacher began her lesson, talking about the books they would read this semester but Swagger barely noticed.

His gaze lingered on the field as his mind began to wander.

_Dew drops sparkled on the wet grass. Sunlight washed over the wide-open field. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. A knight in black armour ran across the wide-open field, heaving for air under his heavy armour._

_An arrow whistled through the crisp air._

_The knight fell to the damp grass, the arrow sprouting from his neck._

_Black smoke rose from the_ dying _knight's neck._

_At the edge of the field, four knights emerged from the woods. Their silver armour glinted in the morning light. The four silver knights made their way across the field towards the dead knight._

_“Good shot,” Swagger said, peering through the slits in his helmet at the_ dead _knight._

_“Thank you,” Jay said as he lifted the visor of his helmet, his blue cloak draped over his armour rippling in the warm morning breeze._

_“Where do you think he was going?” Toby asked, taking his helmet off to look around the vast, empty field. The large plume of red, purple and pink feathers atop his helmet danced in the breeze._

_“Does it matter?” the tallest of the knights asked, shifting his large gold shield strapped to his left wrist; the symbol of a great dragon painted in white emblazoned across the gold steel. “We should keep moving,” Fitz said, lifting his visor to look down at the three other knights._

_“_ Whateverith _thou sayth, Lord_ Fitzth _,” Jay laughed. Swagger smacked Jay’s helmet, the steel rattling loudly against Swagger’s gauntlet and Jay’s chainmail. Jay let out a cry of pain before whirling towards Swagger, raising his fits as his visor dropped loudly down. Swagger braced to block his blow but was stopped by Fitz giving him a shove with his shield. Swagger stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over his own boots to the wet grass. He caught himself and glared at the gold knight._

_“Stop it,” Fitz snapped. “Let's keep moving,” he said again, turning away from Swagger, his gold cloak sweeping across the damp grass. The four knights kept moving across the field. Swagger’s red and gold cloak rippled in the morning breeze. Jay gripped his bow tightly, his quiver full of arrows rocking against the armour on his back. Toby put his helmet back on, the tips of the large feathers reaching for the blue sky._

_“Wait…” Toby suddenly stopped, his gaze sweeping the woods that lined the edge of the field. “Do you hear that?” The group of knights stopped._

_They listened intently._

_The birds had stopped singing._

_The breeze had stopped rustling the leaves on the trees._

_The four knights stared at the treeline._

_Swagger’s heart raced in his metal-clad chest._

_A low rumble shook the earth._

_The knights reached for their weapons. Jay pulled an arrow from his quiver and loaded it into his bow as Swagger, Fitz and Toby drew their swords; the steel glinting in the light. In the centre of the group, Fitz held his shield in front of himself, bracing. Swagger stared at the treeline. The air stilled._  
_The rumble got louder._

_Swagger took a deep breath._

_An army of knights in black steel armour burst from the treeline, their screams of war echoing across the open field._

_The group of four misfit knights stared down the charging enemy; their weapons glinting in the light._

_The_ knights _got closer._

_Jay took a deep breath and pulled back the string of his bow._

_Jay let go of the string._

_The arrow whistled through the air, embedding itself into one of the charging knights. The knight burst into a cloud of black smoke. Swagger raised his sword as one of the knights finally reached them. He swung the heavy great sword through the crisp morning air, slicing the knight’s helmet clean off in a burst of smoke as Fitz rammed his shield into another knight and stabbed his sword into its chest, black smoke rippling over the golden shield. Toby let out a scream as he swung his sword at another knight, the rubies in the hilt of his sword glinting in the morning light. Jay fired arrow after arrow._

_Black smoke swirled around the four knights as they fought, their cloaks swirling through the air, the sound of steel against steel echoing across the field._

_Jay drew his sword as Fitz was shoved back a knight in black armour. Jay kicked the knight and blocked the knight’s sword with his own, sparks flying from the steel. Fitz regained his balance and whirled around to kick another knight back and plunge his sword into his neck, smoke swirling around him. Toby’s sword flashed in the sunlight as he swung at another knight, the feathers atop his helmet dancing wildly. The knight fell to the earth, thick black smoke rising around Toby and clinging to his purple velvet cloak. Swagger gritted his teeth, the gold cross on his helmet shining as he fought back the knights in black armour. He slashed at one knight before spinning to block the blow of another._

_A loud rumble shook the field._

_The four knights looked up to the sky, watching with wide eyes as the wings of a great dragon blocked out the sun’s rays._ It’s _black scales glinted in the dim light, black smoke oozing from its nostrils. Swagger watched the beast soar across the sky, it’s jaw opening to let loose a burst of fire._

 _“Swagger!” Toby yelled. The knight turned in time to block a blow from a knight in black armour. His sword found it’s_ target _, black smoke flying around the blade._

_“If we get the dragon, we’ll kill the rest of them!” Swagger yelled as Fitz rammed his shield into another knight._

_“How the hell are we gonna kill that thing? It’s up there!” Jay cried out, pointing up at the dragon as it flew across the field._

_“We’ll have to get it down here then!” Toby cried._

_“Shoot it! Jay! With an arrow!” Swagger yelled. Jay nodded, sheathing his sword and grabbed his bow that was on his back. He drew an arrow and knocked it, his gaze through the slits in his helmet locked onto the dragon as it flew overhead. The other three knights covered him, circling Jay as they fought back the knights in black armour._

_Jay let go of the string._

_The four misfit knights looked up, watching the arrow fly through the air and find its target in the dragon’s side. The beast let out a rumbling scream, turning to look down at the four knights. It let out another roar before beginning its furious descent towards them._  
_Swagger turned to Fitz who nodded._

_Taking a few steps backwards, Swagger took a deep breath before running at Fitz as he knelt down, the golden shield held firmly in front of him. Swagger’s boot landed on the shield._

_Fitz put all of his force into throwing the shield up as Swagger jumped, sending the knight leaping into the air, his sword flashing in the silver light as the dragon flew down towards him. Swagger raised his sword above his head, the golden cross on his helmet flashing in the orange glow from the dragon’s fire._

_The dragon let out a roar._

_It sounded like a school bell._

_Swagger’s brow furrowed as he began to fall._

_The school bell echoed in Swagger’s ears as he_ blinked, the soccer field and the sounds of kids around him stuffing books and binders into their backpacks and the scraping of chair legs on the polished floor coming into focus. The knight sighed, his epic daydream slipping away from him. Begrudgingly, he shoved his books into his bag and headed to his next class.

 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. At lunch the four boys found a table outside, soaking up the last of the summer’s warmth. They complained about how much homework they would have to do this semester and about who they had class with.

“This kid just won’t shut the fuck up!” Jay ranted wildly about a kid in his math class. Swagger nearly choked on his chocolate milk he was drinking through a straw stuck through one of the holes in the helmet. Fitz couldn’t look at him without giggling.

“I think I might join the yearbook committee this year. That means I get a camera and I take lots of photos!” Toby said excitedly as the bell rang.

“Don’t take any of me,” Fitz said with a laugh.

“Don’t say that,” Toby said, leaning his head against the tall boy’s shoulder. Fitz shrugged him off. Swagger glanced down at his half-eaten lunch and sighed.

"You should keep it on you in case that blue light people keep talking about comes back. You could take the first photo of a real alien!" Fitz said excitedly. 

"It wasn't aliens!" Jay cried. "It was electrical!"

"How do you know?" Fitz demanded.

"Because! It was blue and I heard it came from the power grid!"

"Mhmm. I heard it came from space!"

The argument continued for the rest of the lunch period, each of them taking a side that everyone in town seemed to be taking; alien or not. They made plans to hang out after school and headed to class. Much to his relief, Swagger had math with Toby. The two of them sat in the back, trying hard not to giggle too loudly over the doodles they drew on each other’s notebooks.

During fourth period, on his way back to his woodshop class, Swagger passed the library. He stopped at the window when he noticed Jay sitting at a small study cubicle. He was carving something into the desk with his swiss army knife. His eyes looked wet with tears. Swagger sighed. He glanced down the hall then back at Jay who looked up and noticed him standing by the window. Jay smiled and waved at him. Swagger waved back. Jay turned his gaze back to the desk. Swagger sighed again and headed back to class.

After the last bell of the day had rung, Swagger found Fitz, Jay and Toby on the front steps of the school.

“Nice helmet, loser,” a group of kids taunted him as he walked past them. Swagger said nothing as he hurried down the steps to his friends.

“Hey Swagger,” Fitz said, glancing up the steps at the group of kids. “We were just trying to figure out what to do.”

“I was saying movies but Fitz is hungry again,” Toby sighed.

“What do you want to do, Jay?” Swagger asked. Jay looked up at the knight with wide eyes. He glanced at Toby and Fitz then back to Swagger.  
“Uh… I like the idea of the movies,” Jay said. Swagger nodded.

“Let's do that then,” Swagger smiled. At the bottom of the front stairs, two girls sat on the first step. The pink haired girl looked over her shoulder at the boys before leaning towards her friend, whispering something in the brunette’s ear. The brunette girl smiled, the bumblebee patch on her jean jacket sparkling in the early fall sunlight. Swagger glanced down at them, watching the way the brunette girl’s bumble bee patch sparkled. When she and the pink haired girl looked back he looked away nervously.

“Get off me!” a sudden screamed echoed across the schoolyard. Swagger looked up in time to see the young kid in the pink hoodie fighting against the older kids who had tripped him earlier. The group of senior boys had cornered him by the metal chain link fence and the row of steel trash cans near the gate, waiting for the collectors tomorrow morning.

One of the senior boy’s black coat glinted like black armour in the light.

Fitz started down the stairs before any of the others could stop him. The kid in the pink hoodie kicked at the older boy who shoved him down to the gravel, his jeans ripping open.

Blood stained the frayed denim.

“Hey, leave him alone,” the kid looked up at the tall senior with wide eyes as he stormed towards the group of older boys. Swagger, Toby and Jay kept a close distance to Fitz, watching the senior boys with caution.

“What are you gonna do about it, new kid?”

“We heard you got beat up at the lake last weekend,” one of the boys taunted. Fitz blinked.

“I think you heard that story wrong,” Fitz said sharply.

“Did you come from space? Like that blue light everyone keeps talking about? Are you an alien?” another boy laughed.

“Alien kid! Alien kid!”

“Shut up!” Fitz snapped.

“Oh he’s mad now,” one of the boys laughed. Fitz gritted his jaw and held his hand down towards the boy in the pink hoodie, offering to help him up. “Hey, we’re not done talking!” The boy suddenly shoved Fitz, sending him falling back against the metal trash cans.

“You fuck!” Toby yelled at the boy. Swagger’s hands curled into fists. “We’re telling!”

“How old are you?”

“You don’t get to go around shoving people!”

“Miss goodie two shoes over here,” another boy laughed. Fitz managed to sit up, gravel embedded into his hands, his knee cut open.  
“Shut up!”

“What are you gonna do? Cry about-“ a rock sailed through the air and hit the senior boy square in the jaw. He cried out in pain, stumbling back. Attention turned to Jay who had picked up another rock, ready to throw it. Swagger smiled.

“Rock fight!” the boy in the pink hoodie suddenly yelled, picking up a rock and whipping it at one of the senior boys. Swagger dropped to his knees, picking up as many rocks as he could as Jay fired another rock at the senior boys. Fitz grabbed a lid off one of the trash cans and used it as a shield as he got to his feet, hurrying back to Jay, Toby and Swagger as they started throwing rocks at the senior boys. The boy in the pink hoodie quickly joined them, the two groups of boys throwing rocks at each other as hard as they could. Other kids watched from a safe distance, some of them cheering them on. Rocks bounced off Fitz’s makeshift shield. One ricocheted off Swagger’s helmet, the piercing ringing sound echoing through his ears. Jay threw another rock that connected with one of the boy’s ears. Toby hid behind Fitz and his shield, peeking out from behind the tall boy to throw a rock. The boy in the pink hoodie wildly threw rocks and dodged them like he was playing a game of dodgeball. Another rock hit Swagger’s helmet. He let out a cry as he threw the rock in his hand at one of the senior boys.

“Boys! Stop it! Now!” a teacher’s voice called put across the schoolyard. The kids watching scattered.

“They started it!” one of the senior boys yelled, pointing at the group of misfits.

“You five! Detention!” the teacher snapped, pointing at the school.

“But they-“ Fitz protested.

“Detention. I don’t want to hear it!” The five misfits glanced at each other then sighed, heading back towards the front steps, the senior boys snickering.  
“Hey,” Swagger looked down at the boy in the pink hoodie who tailed along beside him. “T-Thank you for standing up to those guys for me,” the boy said quietly.  
“It's no problem,” Swagger said, smiling under his helmet.

“I’m Mason...by the way,” the boy said. He glanced up at Fitz who met his gaze over his shoulder. The tall boy flashed him a smile.

“You can call me Swagger,” the knight said as the group of boys walked back inside the school. They were silent as they were lead down the hall to a small classroom designated for after-school detention. A few of the desks were occupied already by tired, bored kids. The teacher sitting at the front desk looked up at them as they walked in. Swagger slumped down into a seat beside one of the kids already there. The two boys looked at other.

“What are you in for?” the boy asked. He wore a jean jacket dotted with patches and pins, his brown hair falling over his eyes.

“Throwing rocks,” Swagger said. “What about you?” he asked as Fitz and Mason sat down in front of them, Toby and Jay picking desks behind Swagger.

“I talked back to my gross history teacher,” the boy said, crossing his arms.

“Oh you’re in my English class,” Fitz said, looking back at the boy who nodded.

“Yea. I’m Matt,” the boy said with a smile. He glanced at Swagger, taking in his knight’s helmet. “Nice helmet.”

“Hey!” the teacher at the front desk called out. “No talking!” The boys glanced at each other, biting their tongues to stop the giggles. Mason let out a snotty snort which sent all six of the misfit boys into painful, silent laughs.

Outside, the early September sun began to set towards the long horizon.

 

 


	3. October

Rain pattered on the window, the grey morning light filtering through the crystal raindrops on the window. Red and orange leaves drifted through the air; falling to the wet grass and pavement soon to be raked up or swept away in storm drains. The distant sound of a train’s horn echoed across town. The streets were quiet; everyone slowly starting their Sunday. The occasional car passed the new house on the corner of a quiet intersection in the youngest part of town.

Curtains were drawn over the front bedroom windows; the wet morning light coming through the fabric turning the room a soft shade of blue. Old action movie posters hung on the wall. A record player and a basket of records sat on the dresser. The desk was neatly organized; binders on the left corner, pens and notebooks on the right, textbooks in the middle. A couple of empty moving boxes still sat by the door, waiting.

On the bed, caught in a knot of blankets and sheets, Fitz, Toby and Jay slept quietly, lulled into an even deeper sleep by the rain tapping gently on the windows. Laying at the end of the bed, Fitz’s feet resting on his legs, Mason snored quietly.

On the floor by the bed, sitting in his sleeping bag and pillow, Swagger read one of the novels he had taken off Fitz’s shelf, the dim blue morning light reflecting off his helmet. He’d figure he’d read till they woke up; he always hated being the first to wake up at a sleepover. They had been up late the night before, watching movies in Fitz’s basement before finally being told to go to bed by his mom when she got up to get ready for work. Being the only one who remembered to bring a sleeping bag and a pillow, Swagger slept on the floor. When he woke up, the clock on the bedside table beside him read nearly eleven thirty.

Swagger turned the page of his book. He glanced around the room awkwardly before lowering his gaze back down to the words. Carefully, he leaned back against the bed, his helmet resting against the mattress. A part of him hoped he hadn’t woken any of them up but another part hoped he had so he could stop feeling so awkward.

A few moments later, he felt a tap against the top of his helmet. He looked up to see Jay peering over the mattress at him.

“Whatcha reading?” Jay whispered. Swagger passed him the book. Jay read the back description before handing it back to him. “Cool,” he yawned.

“Can you wake Fitz up? I’m hungry,” Swagger said quietly.

“You wake him up,” Jay said, pressing his face into the mattress.

“You’re closer!”

“You were awake first.”

“So?”

“So you wake him up,” Jay said into the mattress.

“Useless,” Swagger muttered as he put the book down and got up. He quietly walked around to the other side of the bed where Fitz was asleep. Toby slept in the middle, a line of drool sneaking down his chin. Mason lay on his back, unaware of Fitz's feet resting on him. Swagger leaned down towards the tall boy. “Fitz,” he whispered. Nothing. “Fitz,” he whispered a little louder. Still nothing. “Fitz, wake up,” Swagger said, leaning even closer towards him. The gold cross on his helmet glinted in the grey morning light. “Fitz wake up, I’m hungry,” Swagger said.

Fitz’s eyes fluttered open.

His eyes widened when he focused on the knight helmet hovering inches away from his face.

Fitz let out a cry, his hand spastically reaching out to grab onto to something to hit Swagger with only to smack Toby across the face. His heel drove into Mason’s back, nearly kicking him off the bed. Mason let out a cry, clinging to the edge of the bed. Jay put his hands over his mouth to stop his howl of laughter.

“Fuck!” Toby cried, sitting up. He rubbed the drool off his face as he glared at Fitz who glared at Swagger. Jay’s laugh escaped him and echoed through the bedroom.

“Why do you gotta stand right in my face like that?” Fitz cried.

“I’m hungry and you guys sleep forever,” Swagger said, crossing his arms.

“Oh… Oh no… I’m falling asleep again,” Fitz dramatically placed his hand over his forehead, falling back onto the bed.

“Don’t!” Swagger grabbed his wrist and yanked the tall boy out of bed. The boys spilt out of the bedroom and down the stairs, their voices echoing through the living room and kitchen. Empty boxes sat in the front hallway; waiting. Soon, the mouthwatering smells of pancakes and bacon floated through the large suburban home; it’s rooms too big for anyone. Sitting on the counter by the stove, his helmet glinting in the light coming through the window, Swagger watched Toby, Jay and Mason play a game of Connect Four while Fitz made breakfast.

The youngest boy had managed to find the group every day at lunch, quietly sitting down beside Swagger who welcomed him warmly into the circle of misfits. Soon, he started hanging out with them on the weekends. Mason’s wild energy kept the older boys on their toes; having to yank him off the road or walk close to him as he walked a railing like a tightrope or shushing him when he said something horrific around other people, the older boys stifling laughter.

The sound of the Connect Four chips falling to the table with a loud clatter pulled Swagger out of his thoughts. Toby groaned as Mason and Jay laughed excitedly, triumphant in their victory.

“Loser has to clean up the chips!” Jay said.

“That’s not in the rule book!” Toby cried.

“Yeah, it is!” Mason laughed. Toby rolled his eyes. Swagger turned his gaze to Fitz who was staring out the window from where he leaned against the counter as he waited to the flip the pancake in the pan. He seemed distant; lost in thought.

“Are you okay?” Swagger asked. Fitz blinked, looking up at the knight. He nodded.

“Yeah, fine,” Fitz said with a shrug.

“Why do you still have boxes everywhere?” Swagger asked innocently. Fitz stared down at the pancake in the pan.

“My mom said I’m probably gonna use them again soon… When I go off to university next year,” Fitz said. Swagger stared at him through the slits in his helmet.

“Oh…” Swagger said quietly.

“I-I don’t know. That’s such a long time away, right?” Fitz laughed. Swagger nodded. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay…” Swagger turned his gaze to the window. Rain continued to fall over the sleepy town. Orange leaves fell to the earth.

“Someone said they saw an astronaut walking down the highway last week,” Mason said suddenly, pulling Swagger’s attention from the rainy world outside.

“A what?” Fitz laughed as he flipped the pancake.

“An astronaut! Like a guy in the big white suit and the helmet,” Mason said. “I heard a kid in my English class talking about it. He said his neighbour saw it!”

“Do you think it has something to do with the blue light?” Jay asked.

“Perhaps it was just a guy going to a Halloween party,” Fitz said, setting the plate of bacon on the table.

“He said the suit looked pretty legit,” Mason said. “I don’t know where you get something like that except from NASA.”

“Maybe it was a NASA astronaut,” Toby said, wide-eyed as he forked a few pieces of bacon onto his plate.

“What are they doing here then? Walking down the highway?” Jay wondered. Swagger stared at them; a part of him feeling jealous that he didn’t see the astronaut. Since he knew what it was, Swagger wanted to be an astronaut. He could name every planet and their order in the Solar System off by heart and every constellation of stars in the night sky. At home, countless books on space filled his shelves.

“Maybe he’s lost,” Fitz said with a smile.

“Lost?” Mason’s brow furrowed. “They are very lost then if that’s the case.”

Swagger lowered his gaze to the floor. He was thankful no one could see the distant expression on his face.

“Lost…” he murmured.

“Can we go looking for the astronaut?” Mason asked excitedly.

“We’re meeting Matt at the arcade, remember?” Toby said as Swagger jumped down from the counter and sat down beside Mason at the table. Fitz placed the plate of pancakes on the table and turned off the stove.

“He’ll want to go looking for the astronaut,” Mason said, stabbing a pancake and dropping it down on his plate.

He drowned it in syrup.

Their conversation drifted away from the astronaut, finding its way from what they were all going to be for Halloween this coming Friday night and plans for the weekend after. Laughter filled the large house; reaching even it’s emptiest corners. The rain continued to fall as the town woke up, made its coffee and put on its slippers. After breakfast, they cleaned the kitchen, dancing around the polished floor to Duran Duran’s _Girls on Film._

By one in the afternoon, dressed in their raincoats and huddled under umbrellas, the five boys were on their way towards the tiny few blocks that made up the downtown neighbourhood. Mason kicked a puddle, sending mud and drops of water spiralling into the cold air. Rain dripped down the side of Swagger’s helmet as he walked beside Toby, the two of them struggling to share Toby’s small yellow umbrella. Orange, brown and red leaves floated down to the wet earth. Rain pattered on their umbrellas and raincoats. By the time they reached the arcade, Swagger’s socks were soaked through. Already a few kids with nothing better to do that Sunday afternoon were standing around the games, the flashing lights reflecting off glasses and glinting in wide eyes. Music drifted through the air, the smell of popcorn and butter floating towards the door as Jay pulled it open.

“Come on, Ezra it’s right there! Shoot him!”

“Stop yelling at me, Grizzy,” the tall, curly-haired kid said to the boy beside him. Swagger stopped by the door as he watched the two boys. He had known them in elementary school, hanging out with them most of the time. When high school came around, they became busier and Swagger found himself with nothing to do till he met Toby in grade nine art class; the blonde boy sitting in the corner, spilling glitter all over his desk and sweater. Swagger stared at his old friends, trying to work up the nerve to say hello when Matt called out to them and Toby pulled the knight along, losing his chance to say anything.

Lights flashed and music played.

The stars, planets and moons on the neon coloured rug shone in the bright lights.

The hands on the clock went around and around.

With popcorn stuck in his teeth and a long string of tickets around his arm, by four pm, Swagger was tired and ready to go home. He sat on the floor as the other boys crowded around a game, cheering Jay on.

“Hey…” the knight looked up to see Ezra and Grizzy standing in front of him. “It’s Swagger now, right?”

“Yeah,” the knight nodded. He got to his feet, smiling at his old friends. “How are you guys doing?”

“Fine,” Grizzy said with a smile. “You? The whole helmet thing is… new.”

“Not really. Two years now,” Swagger said.

“Oh, cool,” Grizzy said awkwardly. “We gotta run but we wanted to say hi. We’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, that’d be cool!” Swagger said.

“Nice. See ya Sir Swagger,” Ezra said with a smile, the little racoon keychain on his backpack swinging around as the two boys turned away from the knight and headed for the door.

By five, the six boys finally left the arcade, strolling down the rainy street as Mason told Matt about the astronaut. Swagger watched him play with the rainbow coloured yo-yo he got with his tickets, the toy arching back and forth between his hands.

“We should go looking for him,” Matt said, looking back at the group. Fitz shook his head.

“I gotta get home and finish some homework. You guys can go ahead without me,” Fitz said.

“Boring!” Mason cried.

“I gotta go too,” Swagger said despite how much he was dying to see the astronaut. “I slept badly last night.”

“Swagger come on!” Mason pleaded.

“Next weekend,” Swagger promised.

“Fine,” Mason sighed. With the plan made to go looking for the astronaut next Saturday, the boys said their goodbyes and headed home. Toby walked with Swagger for a little bit before having to turn down another road. Rain fell softly over the town. It dripped down the metal of Swagger’s helmet. A bored kid sitting in the front window of his house sat up with wide eyes as he watched Swagger walk past, the grey light glinting off the gold metal of his helmet.

He reached his driveway, his feet squelching in his shoes. He walked up the front steps and pushed open the front door.

“Swagger?” his father’s voice called out. “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” Swagger said, kicking off his wet shoes and setting his backpack down on the floor.

“Why didn’t you call me last night? I’ve been worried all day!” his father said, walking out of the living room to stare at the boy with accusing eyes. Swagger stood up, his eyes widening with fear as he remembered that he had promised to call last night but never did, caught up in playing board games, jumping down the stairs with Fitz and laying on the cold basement floor as they watched scary movies.

“I-I forgot…” Swagger stammered. “I’m sorry, dad. It won’t happen again!” His father let out a heavy sigh.

“You’re grounded. For a week.”

“Dad!” Swagger cried out. He had never grounded him before. “I-I have plans for Halloween and next weekend! You can’t!”

“Yes, I can. Go to your room,” he ordered. Swagger ground his teeth. With a furious sigh, he grabbed his backpack and stalked up the stairs. He threw open his bedroom door and slammed it shut behind him. He heavily dropped his bag onto the floor.

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,” Swagger muttered over and over as he threw himself down onto the bed, the tip of his nose crashing into the metal of the helmet. He swore again, rolling onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling through the slits of his helmet. The little stars meant to glow in the dark pasted onto his ceiling stared back at him.

Tears welled up in his eyes and slipped down the sides of his face.

 

Leaves floated through the cold morning air. Bare branches reached for the grey sky. Jack-o-lanterns sat on front porches and skeletons stood guard by front doors, ready for tonight’s trick or treaters.

Standing among the dead leaves in his pyjamas, a blanket cape tied around his neck, Swagger stared up at the grey sky through the slits in his helmet. He closed his eyes as a gentle, cold wind rustled the dying leaves that still clung to the branches above him. Crows flew overhead. The blanket around his shoulders rippled gently, the edge of it wet from the leaves it had dragged across as the boy walked across the backyard. The knight let out a sigh, slowly lowering his gaze from the sky to the earth. Dew drops clung to the grass. His toes felt numb to the cold.

“Thirteen point eight billion…. Four point five billion…” Swagger whispered. “Four seconds…” He took another deep breath and looked back up at the sky.

Something moving through the trees in front of him caught his attention.

The knight nervously lowered his gaze to the woods at the edge of the backyard.

There was nothing.

Swagger stared into the trees.

He waited a moment longer, searching for what he had thought he saw. When nothing happened, he sighed and turned back to the house, his makeshift cape dragging across the wet grass and dead leaves. He was going to be late for school if he didn't start getting ready.

Biking to school, he breathed in the cold air, enjoying the quiet ride. It’d be one of the last before the first cold snap and snowfall of the season. His warm Halloween sweater dotted with jack-o-lanterns, skeletons and bats was enough to keep the cold today out. He passed kids dressed up as princesses, knights and monsters, as witches, superheroes and characters from their favourite TV shows.  
No one stared at the knight as he rode past them.

Swagger normally loved Halloween. It was the one day out of the year when he was not called a freak, when no one stared at his helmet. Today though he felt sad as he biked towards school. His dad expected him to be home after school and he was to stay there; no going out with his friends. He told himself it was just another day as though that would ease the pain.

The day passed uneventfully. He went from class to class, spending most of the lesson lost in his head, in fantasy worlds where he didn’t get grounded, where anything was possible.

At lunch, he told the other misfit boys that he couldn’t join them tonight.

“Why?” Mason cried. The youngest boy was wearing a weird, foam banana costume.

“I uh… I got grounded. I gotta go home after school,” Swagger said, his eyes on the table.

“Is that why you haven’t been hanging out with us the past few days after school?” Jay asked from under his white sheet, the eyes cut out. Swagger nodded. He could feel Fitz, Matt and Toby staring at him. Fitz, wrapped up like a mummy, glanced down at the table. Toby, a glittering crown atop his head and a gold cape around his neck, bit the inside of his lip. Matt, dressed up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, bit into his sandwich, meeting Fitz’s gaze as the tall boy looked up.

“Sorry,” Swagger shrugged. “Fill up a pillowcase of candy for me,” he added with a smile.

“I can’t promise that I won’t eat it all,” Mason said.

“I’d fucking kill you,” Swagger said sharply.

“You’d have to catch me first,” Mason laughed. Swagger got up suddenly. Mason screamed and jumped up from the table, running through the cafeteria filled with kids in Halloween costumes. The knight ran after the banana; the ghost, mummy, Ninja Turtle and king left sitting around the table laughing wildly.

After school, Swagger biked home while his friends walked towards Matt’s house. A bowl of candy rested on the front step, waiting for the first trick or treaters which were usually tiny children that would be asleep by six thirty. He said nothing to his father as he kicked off his shoes and headed upstairs to his room. He figured he’d get started on his homework but instead he turned on his stereo, music filling up his room as the knight danced around the room, his socks covered with swords sliding across the hardwood.

“It’s gotta be a strange twist of fate….” Swagger sang quietly along with Olivia Newton-John.

After a dinner of yesterday’s leftovers, Swagger fell onto his bed, one of his space books in his hands. Leaning against the soft blue pillows, he flipped through the pages like he had since he was ten, memorizing all the different planets and what made them special.

As he turned the page to Saturn, something hit his window.

The knight looked up from his book, staring at the window.

When it didn’t happen again, he turned his attention back down to the book.

Another rock, this time bigger than the last, hit the window and almost cracked it. He could hear a muffled yell.

His brow furrowed, Swagger closed the book and got off his bed. He cautiously stepped over to the window, pulling open the curtain. His eyes widened.

Standing on his front lawn were five knights, their helmets exactly like Swagger’s. The tallest one motioned to him to come down. Swagger smiled, nodding as he stepped back from his window. He hurried over to his bedroom door and made his way down the stairs.

“I’m going to bed now, dad,” Swagger called out casually, grabbing his shoes where he left them at the door.

“Alright. Goodnight,” his dad called back from the living room. Swagger walked back up the stairs, his arms wrapped tightly around his shoes. He reached his bedroom, closing the door. He quickly stuffed a bunch of clothes under his blankets to make it look like he was under there and pulled his shoes on, tucking his house key into his pocket. He opened the window, his friends tiptoeing across the lawn towards his window.

“Catch me, Fitz!” Swagger laughed as he crawled out the window and onto the sloping roof.

“There is a much easier way to do this,” Toby sighed, placing his hand on his helmet as he shook his head.

“I’ve done this before,” Swagger said with a laugh as he reached the edge of the roof, his fingers clutching the gutter. He stared down at Fitz who stood below him, his hands up ready to catch him. “Move, idiot,” he laughed. It was about a ten-foot drop. Gripping the edge of the roof, he dangled his legs over the edge, feeling grateful the blinds in the living room were always closed. He dropped to the lawn below, his ankles ringing. Fitz still wrapped his arms around the shorter boy as he landed, giggling.

“Do you like our helmets?” Matt asked, posing dramatically in his cardboard helmet modelled after Swagger’s. The knight nodded.

“They are awesome,” Swagger smiled.

“Come on! Let's get some candy,” Fitz said. The boys hurried across the lawn, bundling into Fitz’s car. They drove off down the quiet road, past houses decorated with spider webs, orange lights and caution tape. Sitting in the front, music roaring from the stereo, Swagger couldn’t stop smiling as his friends sang along and danced to the music. Swagger nodded his head in time to the music, the metal helmet glinting in the light as he played the air drums.

So caught up in the music, he didn’t see the astronaut standing on the side of the road.


	4. November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so much for the support for this fic so far. Unfortunately, because of a midterm I have coming up, I won't be able to post chapter five next week on Thursday but it should be up maybe over the weekend, we'll see. Again, thank you all so much for the support you've given this fic. It means so much, thank you <3

“Mason! You have your own chips. Get out of mine,” Toby’s voice echoed across the cold parking lot. Frost clung to the pavement and warm breath hovered in clouds in the sharp air. Cars waited to heat up before pulling out of the parking lot and heading towards warm waiting homes. Neon lights from the signs above the stores that lined the small strip mall glowed in the dying orange light, the sky slowly turning from blue to orange to purple to black like a bad bruise. Crows fought over a pizza crust in the parking lot. 

Sitting on the cold curb out front the mall, Swagger’s warm, clunky winter boots tapped in time to the music playing from Matt’s tiny portable speaker he had plugged into an MP3 player. Toby and Mason sat beside him, plastic bags full of snacks and sweets sitting on the icy pavement in front of them. Matt and Fitz stood beside them, bottles of soda in their gloved hands. The convenience store behind them glowed with a bright, dull white light, old faded posters advertising slushies and movies that came out years ago hanging in its windows. 

“Hey uh…” Fitz cleared his throat, spinning the plastic cap back onto his orange soda. “Did you guys have any plans tonight?” 

“We’re sitting in a parking lot eating chips,” Toby said sharply, looking up at the tall boy who blinked. 

“What he means to say is that we don’t have plans,” Swagger laughed. “Do you?” 

“Well uh… My friends back in the city… they are going to a show tonight and they invited me. You guys too. If you want to go we could catch the bus now and-“ 

“Now?” Jay whined. 

“It's already five-thirty,” Matt sighed. 

“I haven’t taken the bus into the city… like ever,” Mason said, wide-eyed. 

“I don’t know…” Toby said, looking down at his half-eaten bag of chips. 

“I’ll go,” Swagger said with a smile, looking up at Fitz through the slits in his helmet. The gold cross glinted in the dying November sunlight. “It’ll be fun,” the knight said, turning to look at the other boys. “Better than sitting around here.” 

“I guess,” Matt shrugged, the pins on his coat catching the light. 

“Alright,” Jay sighed. Mason nodded, biting into another perfectly triangular chip, crumbs falling over his scarf. Attention turned to Toby. 

“I don’t kno-“ he was cut off by Jay and Mason yanking him to his feet. Their excited laughter echoed across the slowly freezing parking lot. The six boys started for the bus station a few blocks away; questions about Fitz’s friends and the show they were going to see floating around them. Walking down the frosty sidewalk, Matt slipped on the ice, grabbing onto Jay whose chips fell from his hands and scattered around the sidewalk as Matt fell. The boys howled with laughter as they helped the wincing boy up. 

Walking through the quiet blocks that made up the downtown neighbourhood, the boys passed the thrift store. Swagger’s gaze turned up to the pink neon outlined window. Hanging in the window was an expensive letter jacket, the navy blue and white fabric with red zeros outlined with white thread glowing in the pink neon light. Toby looked back at the knight, following his gaze to the jacket. 

“Come on,” Toby said, reaching for Swagger’s wrist. “We’re gonna miss the bus if you keep staring!” Toby laughed. Swagger turned away from the window and hurried after the other boys. 

They reached the station a few minutes later, their eyes widening when they saw the bus about to leave. The boys broke into a mad sprint, their hot breath escaping into the cold air in clouds of vapour, their legs pumping hard as they ran for the bus. Swagger’s backpack bumped heavily against his back. Chips flew from Mason’s bag held tight in his arms. Fitz’s long legs carried him faster than the others and he reached the bus first. Matt collided into him, pushing the tall boy up the stairs into the bus. Mason was right behind Matt; hoping up the step as Jay nearly tripped over his own feet, his untied shoelaces flying around his ankles. Toby caught him and turned him in the direction of the bus. Jay jumped inside, Toby behind him. The blonde boy turned to look back at Swagger as he ran towards the bus, his heavy knight’s helmet digging into his shoulders. He reached the bus, heaving for air as he got on, dropping coins into the slot for his ticket. He grabbed his ticket and headed to the back of the bus where the five other boys found seats.

Swagger squished into the seat beside the window and Matt as the bus’s doors closed and began to pull away from the curb. Orange pools of lights from the street lights flickered past the cold window. The boy’s laughter and excited voices floated through the bus. The few other people sitting near the front paid no mind to them. The knight turned his gaze from the window to his friends; the boys washed in the harsh white light from the bars of lights that ran from the front to the back of the bus. Faded advertisements lined the tops of the walls. The boys settled into the hard seats for the hour-long trip into the city. 

Content, Swagger leaned his head back, his gaze turning back to the window. Flashes of light passed by the glass, reflecting off his helmet. His mind started to wander. The sun continued to set towards the dark horizon. Mason’s laugh ech _ oed through the cement room, white flashes of light from the window glinting off gunmetal. A low rumble shook the room. Dust fell from the ceiling.  _

_ “Alright… It’s really simple. Nothing fancy. Can we handle that?” Matt shot a glare at Jay and Mason, the two youngest members of the team dressed heavily in black and armed.  _

_ “Yes sir,” Mason said with a smile. Matt narrowed his eyes at him. Swagger smirked under his helmet. He glanced up at Fitz and Toby, the two other soldiers doing their best to hide smiles of amusement.  _

_ “No funny shit this time. This is a serious mission and it’s highly dangerous. Got it?”  _

_ “Yes sir,” the five soldiers said in unison.  Matt stared around the group for a few moments before nodding, looking down at the map he had thrown over a makeshift table made of milk carts. Swagger watched him from where he sat by the window, warm sunlight oozing through the cracks in the glass.  _

_ “Alright. We just got to clear it out and diffuse the bomb. There is a helicopter waiting for us once it's done. Swagger, Mason and Jay, you’re gonna take the back. Me, Fitz and Toby will go through the front. Understood?” Another round of yes sirs answered him. “Weapons hot. Let's go,” Matt said folding up the map and tucking it into one of many pockets on his blue jacket and lowered the thick clear visor of his helmet. The sound of guns cocking echoed through the empty room. Knives of all colours glinted in the light as they sheathed in holsters on hips. Once ready, the six soldiers headed for the door, their heavy boots nearly silent on the cement. They moved slowly, almost all in unison.  _

_ Matt led the way down the stairs to the narrow alley nearly reduced to rubble and ash. Pillars lined the alley, once the supports for a beautiful arch now reduced to rubble, its beauty lost to violence and bloodshed. Jay followed close behind with Fitz on his heels. Swagger’s eyes were on Fitz’s back as they moved down the alley towards their target; guns at the ready. Toby and Mason followed close behind Swagger; watching their backs.  _

_ Matt turned to look back at them; the dim sunlight glinting off his visor.  _

_ They kept moving.  _

_ Swagger breathed heavily under his helmet, his eyes scanning the windows around them for enemy soldiers. His heart pounded in his chest.  _

_ Movement from one of the windows in the building in front of them caught his eye.  _

_ “Cover!” he suddenly yelled as a flurry of bullets exploded from the window. The six took cover behind pillars and rubble; the sound of bullets ricocheting off stone echoing in Swagger’s ears.  _

_ “Fuck!” Matt cried out as a bullet hit the pillar he was hiding behind, shards of stone flying through the air by his head. Jay took cover beside him, flinching as Matt grabbed onto him. On the other side of the ally, Swagger crouched on the ground beside Toby and Mason, his gloved hands clutching his gun tightly. He raised his gaze to Fitz who stood behind a pillar, his hand reaching one of the grenades in his jacket pocket.  _

_ “Cover me,” Fitz said as he met Swagger’s gaze. Swagger nodded. He stood up and stepped out from cover, firing up at the building. The tall boy stepped out, pulling the pin. He threw the grenade as hard as he could. The grenade arching through the air as the two ducked back down behind cover, bracing for the blast. The grenade went off. Cement crumbled. Smoke and ash rose into the air. A scream echoed through the rubble.  _

_ “Go, go, go!” Matt called out. The six burst out from behind their cover, shooting up at the smoking building as they ran. Swagger lead the way around the back, Mason and Jay close behind him. He shot up at a soldier in a window above the door, blood splattering onto the cement. They reached the door, taking a moment behind cover before kicking it open. Gunshots crackled through the empty building. They heard shouting from the front of the building.  _

_ “Mason!” Swagger yelled, turning to the youngest of the group. “Find the bomb!” he cried, pointing to the stairs. Mason nodded, running for the stairs. The boy heaved for air under his heavy armour; his gun held tight in his hands. He reached the second floor as more gunshots from downstairs echoed off the cement walls. He glanced around the hall, seeing no one. He turned down the hall to the right, breathing hard. He peered into the empty rooms, his eyes wide under his protective goggles. A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder, the sharp blade of a knife pressed against his throat.  _

_ “Don’t move,” the soldier snarled. Mason gritted his teeth. “Drop your gun,” the soldier ordered. Mason didn’t move. “Drop it!” He pressed the knife harder against his throat. Mason dropped his heavy gun to the floor. Dust flew around his feet. Mason swallowed nervously. He suddenly rammed his elbow into the man’s side before grabbing his arm, yanking the knife from his hand as he twisted his wrist painfully. Mason pulled himself from the soldier’s grip. He grabbed his gun as the soldier kicked his feet out from under him. The boy crashed to the floor, the force causing him to pull the trigger. The bullet shot into the wall with a burst of dust and pieces of cement. The soldier yanked Mason to his feet, pulling the gun from his hands and threw him against the wall.  _

_ “Help me!” Mason screamed down the hallway as the soldier’s grip tightened on his throat. Mason kicked the man hard in the gut, sending him falling back against the opposite wall but he wouldn’t let go of Mason’s collar. The soldier spun, smashing Mason against a heavy door, throwing it open. Mason crashed to the floor, dust flying around him. The man lunged down at him, wrapping his gloved hands tightly around his throat. Mason gasped wildly. Panic surged through him as he hit at the soldier, kicking him and the cement floor. On the wall above him, the bomb's timer ticked down.  _

_ Heavy footsteps pounded down the hallway.  _

_ Mason’s eyes rolled back into his head.  _

_ “Get off him!” Blood suddenly splattered onto Mason’s face. The soldier screamed. His eyes opened to see Toby’s pink knife flashing through the air as he stabbed the man in the back for the second time, drops of blood flecking across his face, his eyes full of fury. The soldier screamed again as Toby stabbed him again before yanking him off and throwing him to the floor, kicking him hard in the side. Blood dripped from the knife. “Are you okay?” Toby asked as he helped Mason up, brushing the blood off his face. Mason nodded.  _

_ Swagger heaved for air as he reloaded his gun, his legs burning as he ran up the stairs and down the hall. He found Toby and Mason, his gaze flickering down to the soldier bleeding out on the floor.  _

_ “Did you find it?” Swagger turned to look back at Fitz as he reached the door, sweat covering his forehead. Matt and Jay were close behind.  _

_ “Y-Yeah…” Mason said. “I’m on it,” they kept watch on the door as Mason knelt down in front of the bomb, his shaking fingers clutching the diffuse code tightly. Toby stood beside him, watching to make sure he put in the right number. Swagger glanced between the youngest soldier and the stairs at the end of the hallway.  A grey can was suddenly thrown up the stairs, landing on the hallway.  _

_ “Smoke!”  Matt cried out as it exploded, a cough-inducing white fog filling the hallway. Fitz pulled his mask up over his face, his eyes looking teary from the smoke. “Hurry it up! We got company!” Matt yelled into the room.  _

_ “Don’t rush me!” Mason yelled back.  _

_ Movement through the smoke caught Swagger’s attention. He fired into the smoke, the flash from the gunshot shining through the fog. There was a cry and the thud of a body hitting the floor.  _

_ “Mason!” Swagger yelled.  _

_ “Okay! Okay!” Mason called back as he put in the last number. The timer stopped. “Got it!”  _

_ “Get to the roof!” Matt called out as he started back down the hallway towards the stairwell. Gunshots echoed through the smoke. Swagger waited for Toby and Mason and followed them down the hall. They reached the stairwell, stepping over another body on their way up. They burst out onto the roof, running for the helicopter that waited there for them, dust flying around it’s already spinning blades. Matt reached the helicopter, pulling Fitz and Jay inside before reaching for Toby and Mason as they reached the helicopter. Gunshots from the door made Swagger drop to the cement, his ears ringing. Swagger let out of a scream of shock as a bullet ricocheted off his helmet, sparks flying through the air _

_ “Swagger!” Fitz yelled. More bullet struck the ground around Swagger as he struggled to get back up. Fitz and Matt fired back at the soldiers by the door to the stairwell. “Swagger!”  _

_ “I’m fine!” Swagger yelled back, managing to get to his feet. He sprinted for the helicopter, his heart pounding. Fitz and Toby grabbed his wrists, pulling him inside as it began to take off.  _

_ “Swagger?” Fitz said again. “Swa _ gger are you asleep? Wake up. We’re here,” the blonde boy said, an excited smile written across his face. The knight yawned as he got up, following Fitz off the bus. 

Tall skyscrapers rose up to the night sky. 

The smell of onions from a hotdog stand wafted towards them. 

Neon lights from stores and theatres flashed. 

The sidewalks were busy with people, some in suits, others in the newest and strangest fashions. 

“They said they’d meet us here,” Fitz said, looking up and down the sidewalk as the bus drove off, a cloud of exhaust following it. “There they are!” Fitz smiled. Swagger followed his gaze to two boys walking down the sidewalk towards them dressed in vintage coats, Vans and graphic t-shirts, their jeans torn at the knees. One of them had frizzy bleach blonde hair that made Swagger think of cotton candy clouds. 

“Hey Fitz,” the shorter boy said as they reached the group of misfit boys. “These your new small town friends?” he laughed. Fitz laughed as he pulled the brown haired boy into a hug first then the blonde boy. Watching them, Swagger felt a strange twinge of jealousy come over him. Even though no one could see it, he forced a smile when Fitz and his friends turned to him and the other misfit boys. 

“This is Swagger, Toby, Mason, Jay and Matt,” Fitz said, spinning around in a circle as he pointed to each one of the five boys. “Guys, this is John and Smitty.”

“Nice helmet,” John said with a smile to Swagger. 

“Thanks,” Swagger said quietly, looking shyly down at the gum spotted sidewalk. 

“Where is the show?” Matt asked. 

“A few blocks from here. You’re all coming?” Smitty asked. Fitz nodded. “Cool,” Smitty smiled. The two boys lead the way down the sidewalk, Fitz beside them. Swagger followed; the jealousy burning in his chest becoming hard to ignore. 

“How long have you guys known each other?” Toby asked. 

“Since grade one I think,” John said with a shrug. “We’re still bummed that you moved, Fitz.” 

“Yeah… Well maybe I’ll be back in the summer,” Fitz said. Swagger looked down at his feet as they walked. He took a deep breath before quickening his pace to catch up with the tall boy and his old friends, walking slightly behind the tall boy. Fitz glanced back at Swagger with a warm smile. 

The knight felt a little better. 

They reached the theatre and joined the line out front. Smitty took out his mp3 player and plugged it into Matt’s speaker to play them some of the band’s music. 

“We were thinking of going to a party after the show if you guys want to come,” Smitty said as John lit a joint, his face lighting up with the orange glow from his lighter. He took a drag, smoke drifting around him before holding it out for someone to take. Fitz took it. Swagger stared at him. Fitz hadn’t told them he smoked before. With smoke oozing from his mouth, he held the joint back out for John or Smitty to take it. Swagger took it much to Fitz’s surprise. He watched the younger boy lift his helmet just enough to take a drag. He coughed, spitting out smoke. Fitz laughed as Swagger handed the joint back. 

The line finally started moving. The boys bought their tickets and headed inside, the smell of marijuana clinging to their clothes. They found a spot to stand at the left side of the theatre at the edge of the crowd. Mason and Jay talked excitedly, their eyes flickering to the stage. Toby, Matt and Fitz were talking with Smitty and John, the two city boys unphased by the excitement that buzzed through the air heavy with the smell of popcorn, beer and weed. Swagger stared around the crowd. No one stared back at him. His helmet glinted in the warm theatre lights. A disco ball hung from the domed ceiling. A low drone of voices swirled around him like a swarm of mosquitoes. Swagger took a deep breath. He had only been to a concert once before with his parents when he was young. He couldn’t remember the band name but he knew his dad liked them. 

The theatre lights suddenly went down. 

A roaring cheer rose up from the crowd. 

Mason grabbed onto Swagger’s wrist excitedly. 

Neon lights of all colours came on, flashing across the crowd as the band began the first song. The bass thudded in Swagger’s chest. He smiled, glancing at his friends, watching the way their wide-eyed faces were light up with neon. By the third song, the boys at the edge of the crowd were dancing wildly, washed in the flashing lights. Even Smitty and John joined them, laughing as Mason spun them around. 

As the last song hit its chorus a confetti cannon went off, showering the crowd in colourful, shiny confetti. Like he was reaching for a shooting star, Swagger raised his hand towards the falling confetti. He caught one, the gold paper shining in the flashing neon lights. As confetti rained down like stars around him and his friends, the last note slowly fading into a roaring cheer from the crowd, Swagger smiled. 

 

The bus engine whined as it pulled away from the lonesome highway stop. The sky was a deep blue colour dotted with stars, the horizon burning orange with the morning sun as it began to rise. The occasional headlights driving towards the city flashed by the bus as it drove down the highway. In the very back seat, Swagger stared out the window at the burning, flat horizon through the slits in his helmet. Jay sat beside him sound asleep, his head resting on the knight’s shoulder. Fitz sat beside Jay, his tired eyes still open as Mason slept with his head on Fitz’s lap and Toby leaned against the far window, drifting in and out of consciousness. 

After the concert, the piece of gold confetti clutched in Swagger’s hand, the boys followed John and Smitty through the vast maze of streets to an old, drafty apartment building. They found themselves in one of the apartments, surrounded mostly by college-aged kids. Smoke filled the air from joints and cigarettes. Red solo cups filled with strange concoctions of one dollar soda and vodka were held tight in hands. Though everyone told him they loved his helmet, Swagger still felt as stared at as he did at home. 

When the night was finally winding down and the boys were falling asleep on the stained carpet, Fitz found Swagger sitting on a plastic cooler outside on the cold balcony watching the city lights sparkle like countless stars and planets. Swagger had smoked more and was feeling numb by the time Fitz pulled him back inside the apartment. From the drugs or the cold, he couldn't say. They said their goodbyes to John and Smitty who gave Swagger and the other boys their phone numbers in case they ever came up to the city again and hurried to catch the first bus of the day home. 

Now, exhausted, the gold confetti tucked safely into his pocket, Swagger watched the sunrise from the bus window.

Slowly, Fitz turned his gaze to the knight, watching the occasional headlights reflect off the metal of his helmet. 

“Swagger?” Fitz asked quietly, his hand resting on the side of Mason’s head, gently stroking the boy’s hair. The knight turned his head to look at the older boy. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure,” Swagger said with a yawn. 

“Why do you wear the helmet?” Fitz asked. Swagger stared at him. Slowly he turned his gaze back to the window. “I-I’m sorry… I guess I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sor-” 

“I just wanted space,” Swagger said quietly. “There’s so much…” Swagger sighed. Fitz lowered his gaze. Swagger eyes stung with tears. “Thirteen point eight billion years ago, the universe was created. Four point five billion years ago, the earth was created. If all of existence was an hour… we’ve only been around for the last four seconds,” Swagger’s voice broke. Under his helmet, tears slipped down his cheeks. “So who cares if I wear a knight's helmet?” 


	5. December

The muffled thud of music drifted through the heavy gym doors. White and blue streamers hung over the front doors of the school. Snowflakes floated through the cold air and landed on the top of Swagger’s helmet and shoulders. Matt leaned against the brick wall beside the younger boy, taking a drag from the joint he had lit for Swagger. 

“Please don’t be mad, Swags,” Matt sighed as he exhaled, smoke floating around him.  Swagger stayed silent, his chest still hot with anger, his eyes still stinging with tears. He shivered under his new coat, the white and navy blue fabric glinting in the orange light from the streetlamp in the middle of the parking lot. The red zeros on his chest rose and fell with each breath. Snow fell in large flakes towards the frozen earth. 

“I fucking hate him,” Swagger spat, his cold hands curling into fists. The dry skin on his knuckles felt like it was cracking; it stung. 

“No you don’t,” Matt sighed. Swagger leaned his head back against the brick wall, his helmet cold against his cheeks as he closed his eyes, memories of what had happened that evening floating drifting through his mind like a torturous reel of film. 

“Merry Christmas!” Toby had said excitedly when Swagger opened his front door earlier that night to find the five boys on his front step. They were dressed in velvet thrifted suits under heavy winter coats. In Toby’s hands was a large box haphazardly wrapped with a red and green striped wrapping paper. 

“W-What is that?” Swagger asked as they stepped inside to get out of the cold. Toby simply shoved the box into Swagger’s hands. 

“Open it!” Mason smiled. Swagger glanced around at the boys hesitantly before sitting down in the front hallway by the stairs and tore off the wrapping paper. Under the wrapping paper was a white dress box. He pulled the lid off and carefully lifted the white paper inside. His eyes widened. 

“You didn’t…” Swagger breathed as he stared down at the expensive jacket inside the box, running his fingers over the white zeros lined with red thread. 

“Put it on!” Fitz smiled. Swagger pulled it out of the box. It was heavier than he thought it would be. 

“The cost…” Swagger said, looking up at them. 

“We all pitched,” Jay said with a shrug. 

“Toby told us how much you liked it,” Matt said. 

“You looked at it every time we passed by the shop!” Toby laughed. Swagger smiled and pulled it on, the heavy fabric settling over his shoulders. "It looks great with your helmet!" Toby smiled. 

“I love it,” Swagger smiled as he got up and pulled his friends into a big group hug at the bottom of the stairs. “Thank you.” The six boys formed a warm huddle in the hallway. Mason patted the top of Swagger’s helmet. 

“We should hurry if we’re gonna get to the dance early,” Matt said. Fitz shushed him jokingly. After another moment, Swagger pulled away from the group hug, smiling under his helmet. 

“Just let me grab my tie and get my shoes on and then we can go!” Swagger said. The boys nodded. 

The knight hurried back up the stairs to his bedroom. He grabbed his black tie, quickly tying it on and tucking his collar neatly under the lapels of the letterman jacket. He stopped, staring at his reflection in his mirror through the slits in his helmet, admiring the new jacket. He smiled, his hand subconsciously reaching for his helmet to take it off but he stopped himself. 

His hand froze on the side of the warm metal. 

The golden cross glowed in the lamplight. 

Swagger stared at his reflection, at the modern knight staring back at him from the glass. 

A thousand thoughts ran through his mind. 

“Swagger?” Jay called up the stairs. “We gotta go!” 

Slowly, Swagger dropped his hand from the helmet. 

He grabbed his ticket to the school’s winter dance and turned off the bedroom light. After pulling on his boots, they headed out into the cold December night, their laughter floating through the icy air. The sky was clear, stars floating in a sea of darkness. Swagger’s breath oozed out of his helmet between the slits in the metal. They bundled into the car, shivering until Fitz turned on the car’s heaters. The drive to their school was quick; Swagger, Jay and Toby holding onto Mason who sat on Toby’s lap in the middle of the backseat while Matt egged Fitz on to take quick turns or sudden stops to upset the younger boys in the back. Music floated from the radio. 

They reached the school, the car pulling sharply into one of the parking spaces. The boys roared with laughter when the car lurched forward and Mason fell between the front seats. They could hear music already spilling out of the gymnasium. Snow crunched under their boots. Jay complained about snow soaking through his dress shoes. Fitz pulled the hood of his winter coat up; the fur that lined the hood slowly getting covered with gentle snowflakes. They hurried up the stairs and inside the school, stomping the snow off their shoes. Bruce Springsteen’s  _ Dancing in the Dark _ floated down the hall from the gym towards them. Blue and white balloons hung from the ceiling. This year’s theme for the annual winter dance was ice palace. Last year was candy canes. 

They reached the gym, walking into the large room to be greeted with the flash of lights, young voices filling the air, the thud of music and the greasy smell of pizza. As the boys went to put their coats away, Swagger made his way alone through the crowded gym towards the snack table. A few of the kids glanced at his helmet. The brights lights reflected off the metal. Teenagers danced wildly. At the long table filled with snacks, pizza boxes and bowls of punch, Swagger grabbed a plastic cup, filling it with the sweet sugary punch. Around the snack table were smaller round tables were kids sat at, snacking or talking among themselves, watching their friends dance. 

“No shut up, she did not say that,” Swagger turned to see the pink haired girl he had seen sitting on the steps on the first day of school making her way towards the table, her brunette friend beside her, a smile on her face. Awkwardly, Swagger turned back to the table, pretending to be preoccupied with deciding on a doughnut. 

“She did! Everyone in class heard her, even the teacher. I was sitting beside her trying so hard not to laugh,” the pink haired girl laughed. The brunette giggled. 

“Swagger!” The knight looked up as Mason bounded towards him, Jay close behind. “Apparently we can request a song! We should request the one we listened to-” Mason’s wet boot slipped on the gymnasium floor and the boy collided into Swagger, knocking his cup full of punch backwards. A scream of shock from behind Swagger made him wince. 

“What the fuck?” Swagger turned to look at the pink haired girl, her black velvet dress wet with punch. The brunette put her hands over her mouth to hid her laugh. 

“I-I’m sorry! My friend is an idiot,” Swagger said, putting the cup down to grab napkins. Jay elbowed Mason in the ribs. Swagger handed the napkins to her. She snatched them away, a searing look of anger on her face. Her friend let out a snort. 

“Bee!” the pink haired girl cried. 

“Sorry,” Bee giggled. “It’s not that noticeable,” she said, trying to reassure her friend. The pink haired girl ignored her, angrily wiping at the wet spots on her dress. 

“I’m sorry,” Mason said from behind Swagger who shot him a glare even though he couldn’t see his eyes under the helmet. 

“Aw Bordie, come on!” Bee laughed. “He’s sorry.” 

“Whatever,” Bordie said, throwing the wet napkins into the trash bin. 

“You’re the knight kid, right?” Bee asked with a smile, her attention now on Swagger who blinked at her, surprised. 

“K-Knight kid?” 

“Well, you wear that knight's helmet all the time. I’ve seen you around the school and town a lot,” Bee said. “You’re pretty recognizable.” 

“O-Oh,” Swagger managed a laugh. 

“That's not a bad thing. I think it’s cool,” Bee smiled. The sparkles on her red dress glittered in the flashing lights. 

“You do?” Swagger asked. Bee nodded. “Thanks,” Swagger smiled, looking down at his shoes. 

“I think it’s weird,” Bordie said. Bee shot her a glare. 

“You aren’t wrong,” Mason laughed. Swagger looked down at his shoes again. 

“Don’t say that,” Bee said. The knight raised his eyes to her. 

“He’s just joking. Mason just says shit a lot without thinking,” Jay said with a laugh. 

“I do,” Mason shrugged. Bee smiled brightly. 

The song came to an end and a new one began. 

Swagger soon found himself in the middle of the crowd of teenagers dancing in the middle of the gym. The lights flashed, reflecting off his helmet. His new jacket rippled as he moved, the white sleeves glinting in the neon flashes. Around him, his friends, new and old, danced. Swagger smiled under his helmet. Sweat dripped down the back of his neck. Bee's red dress glittered in the light. Toby's hair flopped over his forehead. Jay laughed wildly as Mason spun him around, their shoes squeaking on the floor. The lights flashed. Bordie laughed as Toby took her hand, spinning her around. 

As he spun around, Swagger saw Fitz and Matt through the crowd sitting at a table at the side of the gym. 

There was a look of worry written across Fitz’s face. 

Swagger stopped, his arms dropping to his sides as he stared at the two older boys. The crowd swarmed around him. He watched Matt say something and Fitz shake his head as he rested his chin his hand. 

Swagger started towards them. 

“Swagger,” Toby called him. “Swagger!” The knight ignored him as he pushed through the crowd of teenagers. He stumbled out of the crowd and into the emptier side of the gym, past tables covered with discarded plates of half-eaten sweets and snowflakes made of paper hanging from the rafters. 

“I don’t think I can do that, Matt… I’ll probably have to leave as soon as the school year ends… I’m scared, Matt,” Fitz’ voice drifted towards Swagger. 

“What's going on?” Swagger asked once he reached the table the two boys sat at. "Why are you scared?" Fitz looked up at him then away quickly, letting out a quiet sigh. Swagger narrowed his eyes at the tall boy. 

“Nothing,” Matt said. “Go have fun,” he added with a smile. 

“Are you talking about moving back to the city?” Swagger ignored Matt, his sharp gaze through the slits of his helmet locked on Fitz who wouldn’t look back up at him. 

“Swagger,” Matt said cautiously. 

“I know you were talking about it last month with Smitty and John. You just got here, Fitz. And...And we’re your friends too now!” Swagger couldn’t stop the words spilling out of his mouth. 

“Swagger...” Matt said again. 

“It doesn’t matter to you,” Fitz said sharply, finally looking up at the knight. 

“Yes, it does! You are my friend!” Swagger cried. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I can’t frame my future around what you want,” Fitz snapped. Swagger flinched. 

“T-That wasn’t what I said! I just meant that-” 

“You don’t fucking get it. You still got one more year to go! Don’t tell me what matters and what doesn’t matter,” Fitz said, turning away from Swagger. The knight's hands curled into fists. 

“You are being a real dick, Fitz. I care about you and-” 

“If you care than you’ll leave it alone!” Fitz snarled as he spun back around in his chair to stare up at Swagger. “Since moving here I have been very stressed and overwhelmed and I just need you to back the fuck off of it right now, okay?” Swagger stared down at him. He didn’t move. 

“Swagger…” Matt said quietly. “Go back to Toby.” 

“You lied to us then,” Swagger said. Fitz blinked. “You told us all not to worry. You told us that it didn’t matter.” 

“Swagger for Christ’s sake…” 

“How can we help you if you don’t tell us what's going on, Fitz? We’re your fri-” Swagger flinched as Fitz suddenly stood up, towering over him. The neon blue lights flashed across his angry face. 

“Grow up! Can’t you for just one minute act your fucking age?” Fitz yelled. “Not everything can just be boiled down into years and hours, Swagger! It can’t always be that easy! I’m sorry that not everyone gets to live in your perfect fantasy daydream world! I’m sorry that it gets tougher than what you know right now! I'm sorry that there are things that I just can't talk to you about! So please! For the love of God! Give me some fucking space, right now!” Tears slipped down Swagger’s cheeks. Fitz’s chest rose and fell heavily. Matt stared at Fitz with wide eyes. 

“Fuck you,” Swagger spat out before turning away from Fitz and running for the door. Toby watched from where he stood at the edge of the crowd, his gaze flickering between Fitz and the knight running for the door. Fitz pressed his palms against his face as he collapsed back into his chair. 

“Just… Deep breaths. I’ll go talk to him,” Matt said as he got up, patting Fitz gently on the shoulder before hurrying after Swagger. 

The knight burst outside, heaving for air as tears uncontrollably spilled down his cheeks. It was snowing harder now. The cold chill bit into his hands. He angrily kicked the brick wall, letting out a cry of anger. The door opened as Matt stepped out into the cold. 

“Are you okay?” 

“He can go to hell!” Swagger snapped, stepped down the cold steps to the pavement. “I’m going home.” 

“Swagger come on. He’s just having a really tough time right now. His mom isn’t doing too good and with exams coming up and university, it’s a lot. He didn’t mean it,” Matt said as he followed Swagger down the steps. Swagger shook his head as he leaned against the wall by the stairs. 

“It hurt, Matt,” Swagger’s voice broke. Matt sighed. He reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out a joint and light. Swagger watched him light the joint and take a drag before holding it out to him. Swagger stared at the smoke swirling from the end of it. He hadn’t smoked since the party last month in the city but he had been craving that high again. He took the joint and lifted his helmet just enough to take a drag before setting it back down, smoke oozing out of the holes in his helmet as he exhaled. “Fuck him. He didn’t have to fucking yell at me like that!” 

“I-I know. It was uncalled for… But you gotta under-” 

“Understand that he’s going through a rough time, I get it,” Swagger snapped. The muffled thud of music drifted through the heavy gym doors. Snowflakes floated through the cold air and landed on the top of Swagger’s helmet and shoulders. Matt leaned against the brick wall beside the younger boy, taking a drag from the joint he had lit for Swagger. 

“Please don’t be mad, Swags,” Matt sighed as he exhaled, smoke floating around him.  Swagger stayed silent, his chest still hot with anger, his eyes still stinging with tears. He shivered under his new coat, the white and navy blue fabric glinting in the orange light from the streetlamp in the middle of the parking lot. The red zeros on his chest rose and fell with each breath. Snow fell in large flakes towards the frozen earth. 

“I fucking hate him,” Swagger spat, his cold hands curling into fists. The dry skin on his knuckles felt like it was cracking; it stung. 

“No you don’t,” Matt sighed. Swagger leaned his head back against the brick wall, his helmet cold against his cheeks as he closed his eyes, memories of what had happened that evening floating drifting through his mind like a torturous reel of film.“It's just tough right no-” 

The school doors suddenly slammed open, snapping Swagger back into the present. 

Matt and Swagger turned to watch Fitz storm down the icy stairs, nearly slipping. Toby, Mason and Jay followed him, worry in their eyes. 

“Fitz!” Toby cried. “Stop it!”

“The fuck are you staring at?” Fitz cried when he saw Matt and Swagger staring at him. 

“Fitz, just relax, okay?” Matt said gently. 

“Yeah. Fucking relax,” Swagger spat. Fitz stared at him. “You’re just fucking freaking out. Over something that doesn’t matter, right?” 

“Swagger!” Matt snapped. “The fuck?” 

“I see you under that stupid fucking helmet,” Fitz snapped. “You are a coward. A little kid!” 

“You’re a cunt!” Swagger yelled back. Before Matt could stop him, the taller boy suddenly grabbed Swagger’s lapels, pushing him against the wall. Swagger let out a cry of panic, hitting at Fitz. Fitz’s eyes were full of angry tears, his hands shaking uncontrollably. Toby, Mason and Jay yelled at Fitz to stop. Matt shoved Fitz back. The tall boy stumbled back and tripped over his own feet. He crashed to the snowy pavement. 

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Toby yelled. Swagger stared in shock at the tall boy. 

He was breaking down. 

Fitz slowly got to his feet, tears slipping down his cheeks. A golden curl hung over his forehead. 

Swagger shook his head. He pushed past Matt and started walking towards the road. 

“Swagger!” Matt called after him.

“Where are you going?” Toby cried. “It’s freezing out!” Swagger ignored them.

He reached the sidewalk, his hands tucked tightly into his pockets. It wasn’t that long of a walk home. Snow crunched under his boots as he walked quickly, tears streaming down his cold cheeks. 

He didn’t need them, didn’t need anybody. 

He had been fine on his own before. 

He sniffled, his eyes on the snow that covered the sidewalk. He shivered. All he wanted was to curl up in bed and read his space books till he fell asleep, his cheek pressed against the pages. 

“Thirteen point eight billion…. Four point five billion…” Swagger whispered with each step. “Four seconds…Thirteen point eight billion…. Four point five billion… Four seconds…”

Snow clung to the large, old trees that lined the road. Silence hung over the cold town. Snow crunched under his boots. His ragged breath escaped his helmet in clouds of vapour. Thirteen point eight billion…. Four point five…” he trailed off in silence as he slowly stopped walking. 

He stared down at the snow on the sidewalk. 

Snowflakes landed on his shoulders and the top of his helmet.

Slowly, he raised his gaze. 

Standing in the middle of the road was an astronaut. 

The white suit glowed in the orange light from the streetlamps. The astronaut stared at him; the visor of its helmet hiding the face of the person wearing the heavy suit.

The astronaut was missing their left glove. 

The knight stared at the astronaut in disbelief. 

Slowly the astronaut raised their bare left hand as if to wave to the knight. 

Swagger could barely breathe. Snow swirled through the cold air around him. 

Swagger raised his hand to wave back to the astronaut. 

A flash of white light caught Swagger’s eye. 

Swagger turned to see a car speeding dangerously down the icy road. Swagger’s eyes widened. 

The knight watched in horror as Fitz’s car sped past him. He caught a glimpse of Matt in the front seat. No one was in the back. 

The astronaut raised their hand over their visor, blinded by the headlights. There was a mark on the astronaut’s left wrist; too small for Swagger to see. 

The car suddenly swerved violently to avoid the astronaut.

Snow flew up around the car as it sped over the curve and collided head-on into a tree at the side of the road. 

The sound of glass breaking and metal bending echoed through the cold air.

Snow showered down from the branches onto the broken windshield.  

Swagger stared in shock. Silence fell heavily onto the street once more. His breath escaped him in quiet gasps. 

Slowly, the knight took a step off the sidewalk and onto the road. He spun around slowly, looking for the astronaut but it was gone. Snowflakes flew around him. 

Swagger broke into a staggering run towards the wrecked car. 


	6. January

Snow fell softly over the quiet town, the promise of a new year hanging over its inhabitants. The grey sky slowly began to turn blue as the sun began to set. Warm light seeped from windows like beacons on a dark, rocky coast. One of these windows belonged to a small bedroom of an old house a block away from the downtown block. Gold fairy lights hung from the white frame. A draft snuck in under the glass. Posters of bands and cutouts of stunning photos and beautiful people from magazines were taped to the walls. Garlands of fabric flowers bought from a dollar store hung over the headboard of the bed. Orange light glowed from the antique lamp, necklaces hanging off its shade. On the dresser, cheap makeup covered the table. Music played loudly through cheap pink speakers. Bedsprings creaked and groaned. Odd-socked feet jumped up and down on the warm comforters in time to the music. 

“Bordie stop it,” Bee snapped from where she sat on the soft yellow rug by the bed. Bordie stopped her dancing and jumping on Bee’s bed and flopped down onto the pillows, her eyes on the little bumblebee stickers that dotted the wall. “Okay...Where do you want it?” 

“Uh…” Sitting crossed legged in front of Bee on the rug, the warm orange light from the lamp glinting off his metal helmet, Swagger bit the inside of his lip. “I guess my wrist,” Swagger finally decided. 

“Which one?” Bee smiled. 

“You decide,” Swagger said. Bee glanced up at him, narrowing her black lined eyes slightly. 

“Hmm…” She lowered her gaze to his outstretched wrists. “How about we leave it up to fate?” 

“Fate?” Swagger repeated. 

“Eenie Meenie...Miney…” she sang, putting one hand over her eyes, and pointed from his left to his right wrist with the other. “Moe!” She lifted her hand from her eyes. Swagger looked down. She was pointing at his left wrist. 

“That works,” he laughed. 

“Cool,” she smiled, rolling his sleeve up. On the rug beside her was a sewing needle and a little bowl full of black ink. Swagger had noticed her and Bordie’s little stick and poke tattoos the day before. Bee had a little heart on the inside of her index finger and Bordie had a star on her wrist. “I can give you one,” Bee had suggested. Feeling impulsive, Swagger said yes. Now, sitting on her rug and watching her dip the needle into the ink, he felt a little nervous. He closed his eyes as he felt the first pinprick. 

“How are Fitz and Matt doing?” Bordie asked, picking absentmindedly at her nails. Swagger kept his eyes closed and said nothing. “Is Matt’s cast off yet?” Another pinprick. Blood welled around the needle. 

“No,” Swagger said through gritted teeth. 

“Oh...That sucks,” Bordie sighed. 

“Yeah,” Swagger opened his eyes to look at what Bee was doing to his wrist before closing his eyes again. 

“Are you guys still…You know… Fighting?” Bordie asked awkwardly. Swagger tensed. Bee paused, looking up at him with worry.

“Do you want me to stop?” she asked. Swagger shook his head. She nodded and kept working on the little tattoo. 

“I guess we are,” Swagger sighed. Blood welled around the needle. Ink seeped into his skin. He kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see any more blood. 

Memories of the wrecked car flashed through his mind. He remembered reaching the car, remembered seeing Matt barely conscious, his arm at a painful angle, his lap covered with broken glass. He remembered seeing Fitz nearly swallowed by the emergency airbag, blood oozing down his forehead, his eyes closed, his hands cut up and bloody. 

"S-Swagger..." Matt had gasped out, his voice filled with pain. 

"I-I'm going to get help...I promise. Help will be here soon..." Swagger had managed to say, his voice surprisingly steady. Matt had nodded weakly. Swagger remembered running as faster than had ever run before back to the school to get help, his lungs burning, his legs screaming. “Help!” Swagger had started screaming when he reached the school, reached his friends who had been left behind by Fitz and Matt. He screamed till his throat hurt, till he couldn’t scream anymore. He remembered seeing the flash of emergency vehicles. He remembered finally getting to see his friends in the hospital. He remembered how groggy Fitz was, remembered the way he looked up at him, anger in his eyes. 

“That fucking astronaut...” Fitz had spat out. Swagger had stared at Fitz from where he sat beside his bed. Fitz took a deep breath, leaning his head back on the pillows, his glassy eyes on the ceiling above him. Swagger tried to tell himself that it was just the drugs talking. “Could have killed me…” Swagger remembered leaving not long after that and didn’t see his friends for the rest of the break. He had the feeling that they didn't want to see him. 

When school started again a few days ago, Swagger found Toby, Mason and Jay sitting with the two older boys. Fitz’s hands were wrapped with gauze and a bandage hid the stitches on his forehead. Matt’s cast on his arm already had signatures. Swagger stood in the middle of the cafeteria, watching them, his lunch tray held tight in his hands. Matt looked up at Swagger. He sighed and slowly shook his head. Swagger got the hint. He sat alone that lunch hour. The next day he found Bee and Bordie sitting in one of the stairwells, a bag of chips between them. They smiled at him and asked him to sit with them. So he did. 

“Fitz is a bitch for being mad at you. You didn’t do anything. You were just being a good friend,” Bordie said, rolling onto her stomach. 

“I don’t know… I didn’t...ow!” he cried out as he opened his eyes, looking down at the needle in Bee’s hand. 

“Sorry,” Bee said softly. 

“It's okay,” Swagger said, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t give him space and that was just the one thing he asked for. Sometimes I feel like he’s just babysitting the group of us, you know? Like he has better things to do than hang out with us,” Swagger sighed. “Matt said some really tough stuff is going on right now. I think he had a breakdown that night. I get it… I do. I treated him like shit cause I didn't understand. I called him a cunt!” Bordie laughed. Bee looked up at her. 

“Sorry,” Bordie said, pulling herself across the bed towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her chin resting on the top of his helmet. Swagger patted her arm with his free hand. “It’ll be okay, Swags,” Bordie said softly. “I know it will.” She pressed a glossy kiss to his helmet. Swagger smiled. 

“Both of you are nice guys,” Bee said, her eyes on her work. “You just need some time,” she said with a smile. 

“Yeah…” Swagger nodded. “I’m just frustrated with him. Like he could have told us what was going on. He told Matt…” 

“To be fair, Matt is the only other senior in your little group of misfits,” Bee pointed out. “And probably the only one in your group would be able to offer Fitz any meaningful advice…” 

“Yeah…” Swagger sighed. “I just wish that he could have talked to me so it didn’t end up like this.”  Bordie giggled. “What?” 

“Are you jealous of Matt?” Bordie teased. 

“What? No...Don’t say that,” Swagger said, rolling his eyes. 

“Do you miss him?” Bee asked. Swagger took a deep breath. 

“I miss all of them,” Swagger breathed. “They all probably think I’m a dick for not calling them after the crash,” Swagger felt pinpricks of tears in his eyes. He took another breath, forcing the tears back. “I’m just giving Fitz what he wants… Space.” Bordie sighed, moving away from Swagger. She turned the music back up. The sparkles left behind from Bordie’s lip gloss glinted on Swagger’s helmet. He kept his eyes closed as Bee pricked his wrist over and over with the needle. 

“There,” Bee said after a few more minutes of quiet agony. Swagger opened his eyes and looked down at his wrist as Bee wiped his wrist with a wet cloth. 

On his wrist was a small black outline of Saturn. 

“That's so cool,” Swagger breathed, staring with quiet amazement at the now permanent mark on his wrist. “Thank you, Bee,” he said, smiling. 

“Your welcome,” Bee giggled. Swagger smiled, staring at the little tattoo with wide, admiring eyes. For the rest of the night, he stared down at the little planet on his wrist. It surprised him whenever he cast his gaze down to his wrist, the tiny piece of art forever embedded in his skin. When it was time for him to leave, he hugged Bee, whispering another thank you to her. She smiled and pressed a kiss to the side of his helmet. “You’re welcome,” she said again. “Be safe getting home,” she said with as she stepped away from him. 

“I will,” Swagger nodded. “Bye Bordie,” he said as he waved to the pink haired girl sitting on the stairs before heading out into the cold. 

“Bye Swagger,” Bordie’s voice followed him out the door and faded as it closed. The knight quietly made his way down to the steps, snow crunching under his boots. He walked down the sleepy street. It was a cold, clear night. Every star in the sky sparkled. The full moon glowed. Swagger’s breath oozed out of the slits of his helmet like smoke drifting between a dragon’s sharp teeth. 

Swagger let out a sigh as he looked up at the wide, dark sky. He watched the stars sparkle and twirl. The moon shone. Silence hung heavy over him. He let out another shuddering sigh. A faint wail of a train horn broke the silence. 

He had been having nightmares lately. 

They always started the same way and ended the same way. Swagger tried not to think about it as he started walking again. 

He took the long way home, not wanting to lie down in his bed and close his eyes. Swagger pulled back the sleeve of his letterman jacket, his eyes on the little Saturn on his wrist. A smile pulled at his lips. He found himself praying that this would never fade. 

This will last, he told himself. It will last forever. 

The stars twinkled overhead. The snow crunched under his boots. The knight shivered under his helmet. 

He walked past Toby’s house. He stopped by the driveway, looking up at Toby’s window. The lights were on, the golden shoes glittering on the window sill. Swagger stared up at them. A part of him wanted to walk up to the door but it was too late and Toby wouldn’t want to talk now. 

“Just give him space and when he's ready, apologize to him,” Toby had said when Swagger found him after school that week. 

“Apologize? To Fitz?" Swagger had cried, prideful anger bubbling up in his chest. "He yelled at me just as much as I yelled at him! And he tried to attack me too! I was just trying to help him!"

"Swagger..." Toby sighed. 

"And why do I have to give you guys space too? Why can’t I hang out with you?” Swagger had cried. “You were my friend before you were his!” 

“Grow up, Swagger! Fitz needs support right now, doesn’t matter how long I’ve known him. You’re acting like a real dick, Swagger,” Toby had snapped, slamming his locker shut. Swagger flinched. 

“I-I saved his life! His and Matt’s!” Swagger cried. Toby blinked, staring at Swagger. "Why do I have to wait for him so I can hang out with you guys again? He's not our fucking leader!" 

“You did what anyone would do,” Toby said sharply, ignoring the other comment. Swagger stared back at Toby, his chest rising and falling heavily with anger. His hands curled into fists. Tears welled up in his eyes. “Swagger, I’m sorry. I just…” Toby placed a hand on Swagger’s shoulder only for him to shove it off. 

“Don’t touch me,” Swagger snapped before turning on his heel and storming towards the door, tears slipping down his face. 

Now, Swagger turned away from Toby’s house and kept walking. He wasn’t far now from home. His feet shuffled along the sidewalk. He finally reached his driveway. He kicked his boots on the steps, knocking the snow from the soles of his shoes and unlocked the door. It was dark inside, the only light coming from the TV in the living room. Blue light danced across the living room. His dad snored on the couch. Swagger pulled off his boots. 

“Merry Christmas!” the misfit boys had laughed in that very hallway, bathed in the warm hall light. Now it was dark. 

Swagger started up the stairs. 

“Fitz stop it! You’re gonna hurt yourself!” Jay had laughed as Fitz jumped down the last four steps, crashing to the hallway floor at Jay’s feet while Mason howled with laughter at the top. 

Swagger reached the dark hallway at the top of the stairs, tears slipping down his cheeks. 

“Toby, what are you doing?” Swagger had laughed as the blonde boy danced down the hallway, his hair falling over his face as music roared from the speakers in Swagger’s bedroom. Toby simply ignored him, his hands above his head, his feet moving in time with the beat. 

Now it was silent. 

Swagger pushed open the door to his bedroom. The stars hanging over his window glowed in the dull orange light coming from the street lamps outside. He closed the door behind him. Swagger turned on the bedside lamp and pulled off his coat, hanging it over the back of his chair. Unfinished homework sprawled across the desk. He sat down on his bed, grabbing the heavy hardcover textbook on his bedside table. He flipped it open to the section about Saturn, the brightly coloured images of the planet and its rings splashing across the pages. Swagger quietly whispered the words describing the planet aloud, his soft voice echoing under his helmet. 

“Sixth planet from the sun… and second largest in the Solar System...Its atmosphere is made of hydrogen and helium...It takes 29 years to orbit the sun…” Swagger yawned. “It has seven rings…” His eyes were starting to droop. He gripped the book tighter. “M-Made of ice, rocks and dust…” He struggled to keep his eyes open. He didn’t want to fall asleep. He didn’t want to see the nightmares again. 

The heavy book slipped from Swagger’s hand and fell to the floor, its pages fluttering. 

He winced as the loud thudding sound echoed through his room. 

He stared down at the open book. It had fallen open onto a drawing of a black hole, it’s swirling darkness taking up most of the page. A sob shook Swagger’s shoulders. “What’s the point?” he choked out. “What’s the fucking point…” He sniffled, tears dripping down his cheeks. His chest rose and fell heavily. “What’s the point…” Slowly, he laid back on his bed, staring up at the old glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. His left wrist felt bruised from the tattoo. He felt tears soak into his hair. “Four seconds… Four seconds…” Swagger closed his eyes tightly. He curled his hands into fists. “Four seconds…” He let out a choking sob. Several more followed it. He sobbed till his throat hurt, till his chest hurt. After what felt like hours of his sobs echoing around the inside of his helmet, Swagger went silent save for the occasional sniffle. Sleep wrapped him up in her gentle embrace. Laying on his blanket decorated with stars and moons and planets, Swagger let sleep carry him away in her gentle embrace, listening to the faint sound of _ rumbles from bombs rattling the crumbling buildings and gunfire echoing from broken windows. White flashes of light from the window glinting off gunmetal. A low rumble shook the room. Dust fell from the ceiling.  _

_ “Alright… It’s really simple. Nothing fancy. Can we handle that?” Matt shot a glare at Jay and Mason, the two youngest members of the team dressed heavily in black and armed.  _

_ “Yes sir,” Mason said with a smile. Matt narrowed his eyes at him. Swagger stared darkly out from under his helmet, in no mood for Mason’s antics. He glanced up at Fitz and Toby who was smiling but Fitz was glaring darkly at Swagger. The soldier gripped his gun, rage boiling in his chest as he looked away from Fitz.  _

_ “No funny shit this time. This is a serious mission and it’s highly dangerous. Got it?”  _

_ “Yes sir,” Mason, Jay and Toby said in unison. Fitz and Swagger stayed silent. Matt stared around the group for a few moments before nodding, looking down at the map he had thrown over a makeshift table made of milk carts. Swagger watched him from where he sat by the window, warm sunlight oozing through the cracks in the glass.  _

_ “Alright. We just got to clear it out and diffuse the bomb. There is a helicopter waiting for us once it's done. Swagger, Mason and Jay, you’re gonna take the back. Me, Fitz and Toby will go through the front. Understood?” Matt glanced around the circle of soldiers. Something told him it’d be best to separate Fitz and Swagger for this one. Another round of 'yes sirs' answered him. “Weapons hot. Let's go,” Matt said folding up the map and tucking it into one of many pockets on his blue jacket and lowered the thick clear visor of his helmet. The sound of guns cocking echoed through the empty room. Knives of all colours glinted in the light as they sheathed in holsters on hips. Once ready, the six soldiers headed for the door, their heavy boots nearly silent on the cement. They moved slowly, almost all in unison. Fitz shoved past Swagger on the way out.  _

_ Matt led the way down the stairs to the narrow alley nearly reduced to rubble and ash. Pillars lined the alley, once the supports for a beautiful arch now reduced to rubble, its beauty lost to violence and bloodshed. Jay followed close behind with Fitz on his heels. Swagger’s eyes were on Fitz’s back as they moved down the alley towards their target; guns at the ready. Toby and Mason followed close behind Swagger; watching their backs. Swagger’s hands gripped his gun tightly as he stared at Fitz’s back. He couldn’t stop the rage from boiling over in his chest.  _

_ Matt turned to look back at them; the dim sunlight glinting off his visor.  _

_ Matt’s eyes widened.  _

_ A loud gunshot echoed through the alleyway.  _

_ Blood splattered onto Matt’s visor.  _

_ Jay stumbled, his arms moving up to catch Fitz as he staggered forward violently. The two of them fell to the dusty path. Matt stared, a look of horror on his face.  _

_ The gun in Swagger’s hand trembled, smoke oozing from the barrel.  _

_ Toby let out a sob as he pushed past Swagger, dropping heavily to his knees beside him. Jay pressed his hands frantically against the blonde boy’s skull, blood seeping between his gloved fingers. Swagger could feel Mason’s eyes boring into his back. Swagger felt tears stream down his cheeks. He dropped his gun to the cement, dust flying up around his feet. Toby got up. Swagger closed his eyes as Toby raised his fist. Somewhere, an alarm scre _ amed as it woke Swagger from his deep sleep. Swagger sat up with a gasp, his heart racing. His head throbbed. His eyes felt caked with dried tears. He placed his hands on either side of his helmet, wincing. His alarm clock wailed. He let out a quiet, choked sob as he tried desperately to force the nightmarish, bloody images from his head. 

Even his dreams had turned against him. 

 

The faint jingle of a pop song played quietly over the speakers, interrupted by the beep of a scanner. White fluorescent lights washed over the sprawling aisles of the grocery store, giving everything a plastic glow. Swagger sat on the cold white floor, pulling at his shoelaces. He leaned lightly against a shelf of cereal boxes, his eyes on Grizzy who neatly stacked the boxes onto the shelf across the aisle. 

“You couldn’t have gotten a slushie or something while you waited for my shift to be over?” Grizzy had asked with a laugh when he looked up from his work to see the knight standing in front of him. 

“I don’t mind waiting,” Swagger had said quietly. He struggled to keep his voice steady. It was hard lately to hide the stone in his throat and the ache in his chest. Grizzy had looked up at Swagger, taking in the darkness that hid the boy’s eyes and his slumped shoulders under his letterman jacket, the red circles glowing in the white fluorescent glow. 

“Sure...Okay. I just gotta finish stocking then we can go,” Grizzy nodded. Now, Swagger watched him work from where he sat cross-legged on the floor, the eyes of cereal mascots staring out from their rainbow coloured boxes behind him. “How are Fitz and Matt doing? I heard about the crash,” Grizzy said, cautiously. 

“Fine… I guess,” Swagger sighed. Grizzy glanced over his shoulder at the knight. 

“Sorry to bring it up…” 

“It’s fine,” Swagger said stiffly. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Are any of your other friends coming with us tonight?” Grizzy asked in an attempt to change the subject. Swagger said nothing as he tugged at his dirty shoelace. Grizzy sighed and put the last box onto the shelf. Swagger pulled back his sleeve, itching around the tattoo on his wrist. “When did you get that?” Grizzy asked when he turned around, his gaze on the little Saturn on Swagger’s wrist. 

“Last week...My friend Bee...She did it for me,” Swagger said with a small smile. 

“Did it hurt?” 

“No…” Swagger breathed. “Not really…” He could think of things that hurt more. Grizzy awkwardly nodded. 

“Cool… Cool. I’m gonna go change and I’ll meet you outside? Ezra is meeting us at the bus station,” Grizzy said. Swagger nodded. He made his way through the maze of fluorescent aisles that seemed to never end, walking past parents trying to decide on the healthiest option while their young children pressed for the sweetest option, past those who were alone and trying to find something to eat tonight before passing out on the couch and getting up early to do it all over again. Swagger walked outside, the cold mid-January wind whistling through the holes in his helmet. He watched the parking lot as the orange street lamps came on as the sky slowly darkened. He turned his gaze up to the sky. 

Across the parking lot, Jay helped his mom load the grocery bags into the back of their car. The boy’s eyes landed on the star watching knight. When all the groceries where in the car, Jay pushed the cart back to the cart shelter and started towards Swagger. The knight lowered his gaze to Jay. A ball of nervousness formed in his chest. The store’s doors opened. “Ready?” Grizzy asked with a smile. 

“Yeah. Let's go,” Swagger said, starting to walk away towards the road. Jay stopped, watching Swagger walk away. Grizzy glanced over his shoulder at the boy but said nothing. Jay sighed and turned away, walking back to his mom’s car. 

On the walk to the bus station, Grizzy did his best to make a conversation but Swagger didn’t feel like talking. He wanted to apologize to Grizzy for his quietness but found himself unable to say the words. Eventually, they just walked in silence. At the station they found Ezra struggling to get a bag of chips out of the vending machine. He laughed when they walked up to them. Grizzy helped him kick the machine. Swagger watched, a small smile pulling at his lips. They finally got the little bag of chips out and headed for the bus. 

“We gotta wait twenty minutes still…” Ezra said, stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth. “How are you doing, Swagger?” Ezra asked, the little racoon keychain on his backpack swinging around as he walked. 

“Fine…” Swagger said quietly. He wished everyone would stop asking how he was doing. He did his best to talk and to laugh as they waited in the cold for the bus. He found himself staring up at the sky, at the stars dancing in the clear, cold night sky. 

How does it feel to be so far away but appear so close at the same time? 

The bus finally arrived and they got on, paying for their tickets before walking to the back. Swagger sat by the window, the white neon light reflecting off the metal of his helmet. The gold cross glowed. Grizzy made a joke. Swagger laughed without knowing what he had said. The bus pulled away from the curve and started towards the highway. As the lights of passing cars flickered past, Swagger leaned his head against the window, the metal of his helmet rattling. He closed his eyes, wishing a daydream would come to him but nothing did. The ache in his chest felt worse than it had a few hours ago. His fingernails picked at the skin around his thumbnails. 

“Are you okay?” Grizzy asked quietly. Swagger nodded. “It’ll be fun tonight, I promise. We’ve been to this guy’s place before. It was a fun party!” 

“Sounds good…” Swagger said, remembering the last time he went to a party in the city back in November. He didn’t know why he had agreed to go when he ran into Grizzy the other day and he had told him about it. 

What else was there to do? A distraction is a distraction. 

Swagger sighed. 

After almost an hour, the towering buildings of the city replaced the vast darkness of the farmer's fields and the blur of cars on the highway. The boys got off near the heart of the city and walked through the cement maze, their shadows cast onto the dirty pavement by neon lights and bright street lamps. They reached an old apartment building, Ezra pressing the buzzer. The door unlocked and they went in, walking up the stairs to the second floor. The hallway was long and dark, illuminated by old lightbulbs. The smell burnt food lingered in the air. The sound of music drifted towards them. Ezra knocked on the door where the music from coming from. It opened onto a brightly lit living room full of college-aged kids sitting around on the floor or the couches, standing in the kitchen or the hallway. Old Christmas lights hung from the ceiling. They walked inside, Ezra and Grizzy greeting people they knew. Music and the smell of marijuana overwhelmed Swagger. 

“Hey! Swagger right?” The knight looked up to see Smitty standing in front of him, a red solo cup in his hand. Swagger smiled and nodded. “Yeah! It’s been a while! How are you doing?” 

“F-Fine…” Swagger managed to say. 

“I heard Fitz and his other buddy were in a car accident. Are they doing okay?” Smitty asked. 

“Yeah,” Swagger nodded. 

“Cool. Fitz and his friends came up last weekend. I just hadn’t heard from Fitz since Saturday," Smitty said, a sense of relief in his voice. Swagger stared down at the faded carpet.

They weren’t Fitz’s friends. They were his friends. Smitty was Fitz’s friend. 

"You weren’t with them. I missed you,” Smitty said. Swagger’s hands curled into fists. 

“I had… I had homework to do,” Swagger lied. 

“That sucks. I’m glad you made it tonight,” Smitty smiled. He reached into his pocket, offering a joint to Swagger. “Want it?” 

“Sure,” Swagger took it from him without thinking. Someone lit it for him. Someone yelled something about his helmet as he took a hit from the joint, smoke oozing out of the slits of his helmet. Someone told him to do it again. Someone took a photo of his helmet. Someone touched it. Someone laughed loudly and made another comment about how cool his helmet was. 

The more he smoked, the louder everything became. Lights and people blurred around him. He couldn’t breathe. 

In a moment of clarity, Swagger pushed himself off the couch he had somehow ended up sitting on and started for the front door. 

“Swagger! Hey!” Ezra cried out. “Where are you going?” 

“I-I gotta get some air,” Swagger gasped. “I gotta go outside…” 

“There’s a balcony,” Ezra said, pointing to the sliding glass door. There were more people out there. Swagger shook his head. 

“I gotta go...I’m sorry,” Swagger pulled open the front door, stumbling into the dimly lit hallway. 

“Swagger!” Ezra called after him. “Where are you going?” Swagger ignored him as he hurried towards the stairs. “Swagger!” The knight ran down the stairs and down the short hallway to the door. He pushed it open, stumbling into the cold night. 

“Fuck… Fuck…” he gasped, struggling to catch his breath. Tears started to well up in his eyes. “Stop it!” He suddenly hit the side of his helmet. “Stop fucking crying…” he yelled at himself, hitting his helmet again. He looked around the quiet street. He had no idea where he was, what time it was or where the nearest bus stop was. 

Does it matter? 

Swagger took a deep breath, tears slipping down his red cheeks. He looked up and down the street before he started walking down the street, his shadow drifting across the snowy sidewalk. He’d find something familiar soon. He’d find his way home soon. 

Swagger kept walking. 


	7. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Thank you all so so so so much for the love you've given this story. It means so much to me, thank you so much <3 I hope you enjoy the chapter!

“Today only! Single roses will be for sale in the foyer! Come get one and a special note for your Valentine!” Pink and red hearts dotted the lockers. Posters advertising roses hung on the walls. Teenagers milled about the halls, their voices floating up to the ceiling as they waited for the bell to ring, calling them to their desks for first period. Their voices quieted when a flash of metal caught their eyes, their heads turning to watch the knight go by.

Whispers followed him. 

“I heard they found him by the lake...His fingers were blue,” 

“I heard he got taken home in a police car,” 

“I heard he was in the hospital…” 

“I heard…” 

All their whispers sounded like the drone of insects. Their eyes bored through his helmet and into his skull. The knight kept his eyes down on the polished floor, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his letterman jacket. The little tattoo of Saturn on his left wrist peeked out from under the cuff of his sleeve. 

“Thirteen point eight billion…” the knight’s voice drifted around the inside of his helmet. “Four point five billion…” The numbers danced around him as he made his way further and further into the school, the voices of the teenagers around him quieting as they watched him pass with judging eyes. 

“I heard he hasn’t been to school in weeks…” 

“I heard he spent time in the hospital…” 

“I heard…” 

“Thirteen point eight billion…” 

“I heard his friends haven’t spoken to him for weeks…” 

“I heard that he was missing for over twelve hours…”

“I heard….” 

“Four point five billion…” 

“I heard…” 

“I heard…” 

“I heard…” 

“Four seconds…” 

“Swagger?” The knight stopped. Slowly, he raised his gaze from the floor. Bee stared at him. There was a look of worry in her eyes. Swagger felt his bottom lip start to wobble, his eyes flooding with tears as he staggered towards her, suddenly wrapping his arms around her tightly. “It’s okay… It’s okay,” she said softly, as she hugged him. “You’re okay now. I’m here.” 

“I missed you so much,” Swagger managed to say, his voice breaking. 

“I missed you too,” Bee said as she stepped away from the hug. “How's your tattoo?” Swagger lifted his wrist as he pulled back the sleeve of his jacket. It still brought a small smile to Swagger’s face whenever he looked down at his left wrist. 

“G-Good,” Swagger said. Bee smiled. She knew that under the helmet that hid his face, he was smiling. 

“Good,” Bee repeated. “What class do you have first? I’ll walk with you there,” Bee said. 

“History…” Swagger said. “Upstairs.” 

“Cool,” Bee said. Swagger followed her down the hall as she told him about Bordie and what they had been up to since he had last seen them. “Your misfits have been asking about you too,” Bee said. “Not that I knew any more than they did. But they still asked if I had heard from you.” Bee glanced at Swagger as they walked up the stairs. Swagger stayed silent, his eyes once more returning to the floor. 

“I-I didn’t think they would,” he said quietly. 

“Don’t say that,” Bee said softly. “They missed you.” 

“Did Fitz miss me?” Swagger asked sharply. He regretted his tone as soon as he said it. Bee didn’t answer, her eyes on the stairs. “Sorry…” Swagger sighed as they reached the top of the stairs. 

“It’s oka-” 

“Swagger!” Their attention was caught by Mason sprinting down the hallway towards them, Jay close behind. Behind him was Matt and Toby who kept their distance. Masson stumbled to a stop in front of Swagger and threw his arms around him. Swagger gripped the railing to stop the two of them from tumbling down the stairs. “Where have you been? You’ve been gone since January! No one seemed to know and we kept hearing weird stuff and-” 

“Mason,” Matt said as he reached them. Mason stepped awkwardly away from Swagger. The knight looked up at Matt and Toby, his bottom lip wobbling again. 

“Y-You got your cast off…” Swagger said, his shoulders shaking as he gestured to Matt’s wrist. 

“Oh… Yeah…” 

“I never got to sign it,” Swagger’s voice broke. He pressed his hands over the front of his helmet. “I’m so sorry…” 

“No don’t apologize,” Matt said as he pulled Swagger into a hug. “You didn’t do anything wrong… We did. We’re sorry.” He felt Toby, then Jay, then Mason join the hug. Swagger took a deep heaving breath. “We’re sorry…” The bell rang. Slowly, the boys break away from the hug. Swagger reached under his helmet to dry his eyes. 

“W-Where is Fitz?” Swagger asked.

“Oh uh… He’s on a campus tour today,” Matt said awkwardly. 

“Oh…” Swagger lowered his gaze to the floor. 

“I’ll see you at lunch?” Bee said as she started towards the stairs. Swagger looked at the boys before turning to Bee. 

“Sit with us,” Swagger said. Bee smiled. 

“Okay,” she said with a nod before starting down the stairs. Swagger walked with the boys down the hall. He waved to them as he walked into the classroom, bracing for even more whispers and stares. He sat down at the desk that had been empty for almost a month. The morning sunlight coming through the window glinted off his helmet like fresh, sparkling snow. 

He took a deep breath. 

 

Laughter echoed around the lunch table. Voices talked over each other. Crumbs scattered across the table’s glossy surface. Juice boxes and cans of soda glinted in the light. Mustard smeared across the inside of sandwich containers. Wrappers of granola bars and Zebra cakes dotted the table. 

Sitting between Toby and Bordie, Swagger found himself staring around the table at his friends in quiet amazement at just how quickly he seemed to lose them forever and just how quickly he found them again. His gaze landed on Bee who sat across from him between Mason and Matt. She met his gaze and smiled. 

He felt a butterfly in his chest. 

He quickly looked down at his chocolate milk carton. 

“Oh! Swagger! We saw the astronaut!” Jays suddenly said. Swagger’s head snapped up as he met Jay’s wide-eyed gaze. 

“Jay…” Matt said cautiously. 

“Y-You did?” Swagger asked. 

“Yeah! Like two weeks ago. It was me, Mason and Toby-“ 

“I don’t know what I saw,” Toby said with a shrug. 

“And we were walking towards my place and we turned the corner and there was the astronaut! We just kinda stared at it a-and it stared at us! Then it waved at us!” Jay cried. 

“You mean that there’s an astronaut walking around town?” Bordie’s brow furrowed. Mason nodded. “Yeah right. It was probably just some dude in a costume.” 

“No! The astronaut has a real NASA suit and everything! All that’s missing is their left glove!” Mason cried. 

“I’ve seen the astronaut…” Bee said quietly. Attention swivelled to her. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she shrugged. Swagger stared at her, wide-eyed. “It was the night you…” she looked up at Swagger then away again. “The night you went to the city… I was about to turn off my light to go to bed when I saw the astronaut outside… it was standing across the street from my house… It looked,” she sighed. “Sad… I don’t know. Just lost. That probably sounds crazy.” 

“Fitz crashed his car because of the astronaut…” Matt said quietly. “We both saw it...Just standing there in the middle of the road. And the way it tried to run out of the way…" Matt shook his head, dismissing his thought. “Forget it. It’s crazy…” 

“What's crazy is that you haven't eaten your Zebra cake yet,” Mason said suddenly, taking the cake from Matt who slapped it out of the younger boy's hands. The teenagers broke into laughter, the nervousness evaporating from the table. 

“Did Jay tell you about his crush, Swags?” Toby teased. 

“What? No,” Swagger laughed, glancing at Jay whose cheeks had turned a bright shade of pink. 

“Shut up, Toby!” Jay cried, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his face. 

“I keep telling him that it's Valentine's day today and that he should get her a rose,” Toby laughed. Jay put his head down on the table, his arms over his ears as he shook his head. 

“You’re so embarrassing!” Jay wailed, his voice muffled. The teenagers around him laughed. 

“I’m sorry, Jay,” Toby smiled as he leaned his head against Jay’s shoulder. 

“You should get her a rose, Jay,” Swagger said, a smile pulling at his lips. “It’d be sweet.” Jay raised his head to look up at the knight. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. You don’t even have to say it was from you. It’d make her happy,” Swagger shrugged. Jay stared up at him with his big eyes, his dark curls sticking out from under his hood. 

“Y-Yeah… Maybe,” Jay nodded. Swagger glanced up at Bee who was smiling at him. 

Their conversation drifted away from Jay to nothing in particular. Swagger stayed silent till the bell rang, enjoying the sound of his friend’s voices that he had missed so much. As they packed up their lunchboxes and headed to class, Swagger watched Jay hurry down the hallway towards the front foyer. He smiled and turned into his science classroom, taking his seat at his desk. 

“Hey!” He turned his gaze to a girl sitting beside him, her light brown hair falling over her shoulders. Her yellow sweater glowed in the afternoon sunlight coming from the window. “You’re back.” 

“Y-Yeah...Extended vacation,” Swagger managed to joke as he took out his science notebook. “What did I miss?” 

“The physics unit. We’re onto Earth Science and Astronomy now,” she said. “Want to borrow my notes?” 

“Maybe just to review what I missed,” Swagger said, a feeling of excitement coming over him. He had looked forward to this unit in Science class all year. The girl handed her notebook. He thanked her quietly. 

“I’ll need it back when class starts,” she smiled. Swagger nodded. He leafed through the pages. The amount of time that had slipped from him slowly dawned on him more and more with each turn of the page. He pressed his hands over the slits of his helmet, darkness closing in on him. He took a deep, shaking breath. “Are you okay?” Swagger lowered his hands to look at the girl. He nodded, the afternoon light glinting off his helmet. 

“Y-Yeah… Just a little stressed. That’s all,” Swagger managed to say as the teacher walked into the classroom, a pile of printed off handouts and homework in his arms. 

“I’m sure you’ll be able to make up for the stuff you missed somehow. Just talk to the teacher,” she said encouragingly. Swagger nodded again as he handed her notebook back to her. Swagger took out his own notebook, doodling a little Saturn in the margins as the teacher took attendance. He was interrupted by a knock on the classroom door. Attention turned to two girls from the leadership club holding a bucket of roses between them as they stood in the doorway to the classroom. 

“We’re here to deliver some roses!” 

“Go ahead,” the teacher said with a nod. An excited murmur swept through the classroom as the girls started to give out roses. One of them stopped by Swagger’s desk. She plucked a rose from the bucket and handed it to the girl beside him. 

“For me?” the girl’s eyes widened as she took the rose. Attached to it was a little card. She flipped over the card, reading the words scrawled hurriedly across the pink paper. She smiled. 

“Who is it from?” Swagger asked. 

“A boy in my second-period class… I didn’t think…” She trailed off, her cheeks pink as she smiled brightly. Swagger caught a glimpse of the writing on the card. 

“Dear Anna…” Swagger smiled as he read Jay’s card. He turned back to his notebook, finishing the ring around the planet he had doodled on the margin. His pen kept moving, black ink soaking into the page. Before he knew it, his planet had turned into an astronaut’s helmet. 

 

The bell rang, signalling the end of the class. The teacher called out a reminder to read the textbook chapter as the teenagers packed up their things and headed for the door. 

“See you,” Anna said with a smile to Swagger as she got up, her rose held tight in her hand. Swagger nodded as he stuffed his notebook into his backpack. 

“Swagger? Do you have a moment?” The knight looked up at the teacher and nodded, walking over to his desk as he pulled his backpack on. 

“I-I uh wanted to talk to you anyways, Mr Ryan,” Swagger said. “I know I’ve been away for a while and missed a lot-” 

“It's alright,” Mr Ryan said with a reassuring smile. “I heard from your science teacher last year that you quite enjoyed astronomy?” 

“Yea. I really like it,” Swagger shrugged. 

“I have an assignment for you and it’ll make up for what you missed. It's supposed to be pretty clear this week weather-wise, so using a telescope, see if you can identify some of the stars and planets in the night sky. I have a telescope you can borrow,” Mr Ryan said, handing him the assignment. Swagger looked over the list with its different names and descriptions of stars and nodded. 

“Thank you,” Swagger said with a smile. 

“Stop by my office at the end of the day so you can get the telescope,” Mr Ryan said. Swagger nodded before turning to the door. He hurried to his next class with a smile on his face. 

Sitting at the round table in his art class, he found himself drawing stars and planets instead of the faces his teacher wanted the class to try.

At the end of the class, he hurried to his locker to grab his lunch bag. Something red floating in the air caught his eye, making him freeze in his tracks.

Someone had tied a large heart balloon to his locker. 

Swagger glanced around awkwardly before walking the rest of the way to his locker. The heart balloon sparkled in the light. Slowly, he unlocked the locker and opened the metal door. His eyes widened. Several heart-shaped notes had been slipped through the slits in the door. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he picked up the cards from his friends. 

He couldn’t help but feel a little bit hurt that there wasn’t one from Fitz. 

He pushed the hurt feelings aside as he read Toby’s card, fighting back tears of happiness and longing for the time he had lost. He untied the heart balloon from the lock and gently put the cards into his backpack where they would be safe before grabbing his lunch box and closing his locker. 

The heart balloon danced side to side as he walked down the busy hallway, the red ribbon held tight in his hand. A feeling of warmth blossomed in his chest for the first time in weeks. 

 

The stars twinkled and danced in the dark winter night sky. The almost full moon glowed; its white light glinting off the polished lens of the telescope. The elementary school’s field was empty and covered with a gentle layer of fresh snow. Standing in the snow, Swagger stared up at the night sky, the white glow of the moon shining through the slits of his helmet and onto his face. 

Despite the cold and the occasional tremble of his shoulders, he felt warm. He hadn’t felt this warm in awhile. He gazed up at the stars, taking a deep breath. He glanced down at his watch. He had only an hour left before his dad came to pick him up. It had taken some convincing to let him do this project somewhere other than the backyard. He had rushed home, eager to get to work that evening on the assignment. His dad was happy to see him excited again. 

Swagger leaned towards the telescope, focusing the lenses before peering into the eyepiece at the star known as Polaris. He stared at the star, caught up in its bright beauty. He wondered what it was like to be a star, spiralling through space and time, exploding for billions of years. 

The sound of a bus driving past the field pulled Swagger from his thoughts. He stood up, looking at the road. He watched the bus, it’s lights glowing like shooting stars as it disappeared into the night. Swagger bent down to write a note under Polaris’ section before returning to the telescope, carefully adjusting the lenses again to get a clearer look at the stars around Polaris. 

Footsteps crunched on the snow behind Swagger. 

The knight straightened, a part of him expecting to turn around and see the astronaut. 

But it wasn’t the astronaut coming towards him. 

Swagger’s eyes widened. His feet shifted awkwardly on the snow, not sure of what to say. 

Fitz came to a stop in front of Swagger, looking just as lost for words. The knight stared up at him. Weeks of silence hung between the two boys. Fitz cleared his throat. 

“I uh…I thought you might be cold,” Fitz said. Swagger looked down, finally noticing the two paper cups of hot chocolate in Fitz’s hands. Steam rose from the hole in the plastic lids. Swagger stared at the cups before slowly looking back up at the older boy. 

He felt a butterfly in his chest. 

“T-Thanks…” Swagger managed to say, taking one of the cups from Fitz. Words bubbled up in Swagger’s chest. There so many things he wanted to say. He took a breath, his mouth opening to let the words spill out. 

“What are you doing?” Fitz asked before Swagger could even say anything. The knight blinked, taking in the expression that was written across the taller boy’s face. He knew Fitz wanted to say just as much as he did. Staring up at Fitz, Swagger realized that they didn't have to say anything. 

“Oh… Watching the stars,” Swagger said quietly. Fitz glanced down at his shoes for a moment before looking back up at the knight. 

“Can I watch them with you?” Fitz asked. Swagger felt a smile pull at his lips. He nodded. Fitz smiled. 

Slowly, the two boys turned to look up at the sky, watching the stars dance through the wide, dark vastness of space. 


	8. March

Old Christmas lights glowed like stars around the window frame. New Order’s Temptation played over the stereo. On the window sill, the pair of golden heels sparkled in the warm orange light. The floor was covered with open textbooks and loose pages of homework. Pens and pencils littered the floor. Sitting in front of the window, Swagger stared up at the Christmas lights that Toby had decorated his room with, the rainbow of lights reflecting off his helmet. 

“What is… What is Saturn made up of again?” Toby asked. Swagger lowered his gaze to look down at the blonde boy who lay on his stomach on the rug at the foot of his bed, a confused look on his face as he chewed on the end of his pen. 

“Hydrogen and helium. It’s a gas giant planet, not a solid planet like Earth. Just remember that nothing can live on Saturn. It’s just ice and liquid gases with an iron core,” Swagger explained as simply as he could. 

“You’re a gas giant,” Toby muttered as he wrote down the answer on his homework. 

“Do you want my help with studying or not?” Swagger cried. “Cause I’ll leave!” 

“No!” Toby dramatically dropped his pen and pressed his face against the textbook, letting out a wail. “Please don’t leave me!” 

“I won’t… But you have to study!” Swagger laughed. Toby sighed as he pushed himself back up, staring down at his homework. “How much do you have left for this assignment?” 

“Like… Ten questions.” 

“Alright. When you’re done, how about we go get a pizza for dinner?” Swagger said. Toby smiled and nodded. He picked his pen back up, getting back to work. Swagger pressed his hand against the side of his helmet, resting its weight in his hand. 

Toby had come to the knight in tears a week ago. He had fallen behind in his science class and was going to fail if he didn’t catch up and pass the next test. 

“My parents can’t know… I can’t fail! I can’t, Swags!” Toby had cried. 

“They won’t find out because you aren’t going to fail. I’ll help you,” Swagger had said, pulling the blonde boy into a hug. Toby had proved to be a challenge, taking every opportunity he could to distract Swagger or put off sitting down to get any work done. After bribing him with food and going to see a movie over the weekend, Toby finally got to work.

Now, on the second day of studying, Swagger had to fight back yawns as Toby was trying to stay more focused on his work. “Fitz was wondering you wanted to go into the city on Saturday,” Swagger asked, remembering Fitz asking him the other day after school. Toby shrugged. 

“Sure,” Toby said, his eyes not straying from his homework. “You guys seem a lot better now,” Toby remarked, glancing up at Swagger through his lashes. 

“Yeah… I guess.” 

“You never told me about how you made up,” Toby said, looking up at Swagger from under his lashes. “You always tell me everything, Swags!” 

“I don’t know… We just talked,” Swagger said, looking back up at the lights around Toby’s ceiling. 

“What about?” 

“Stuff…” Swagger shrugged.  

“Oh come on! Tell me!” Toby whined. Swagger sighed. Toby’s smile wavered. “Sorry, you don’t have to. I’m just playing with you,” Toby said with a laugh. Swagger shrugged. 

“I just...I don’t know what to say,” Swagger said. “We talked.” The knight lowered his gaze to the carpet, just as he had lowered his gaze to the snow when Fitz finally turned his attention to him, the steam from the hot chocolate swirling around him in the cold air. “Fitz...” Swagger had said awkwardly, fidgeting with his empty cup of hot chocolate before finally setting it down on the snow beside him. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” Swagger struggled to keep his voice from breaking. 

“No...I’m sorry. You were just being a good friend,” Fitz said. “You know...The night we first met, I heard you. I heard you tell Toby that you thought that I had no friends here,” Fitz said as he kicked at the snow. Swagger looked up at him with wide eyes, a feeling of mortification coming over him. 

“I-I didn’t mean it like that! Fitz, oh my God, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean-“ 

“It's okay. You were right. I didn’t have any friends here until I met you. And I feel like I took you guys for granted. I was always longing to just go back to Smitty and John and I didn't realize until almost too late that what I have here is just as good as the childhood I had in the city. I kept trying to get back there and that was all that mattered. I was mad at my mom for moving me out here, mad at this place for feeling so... dead. I was mad at myself for being mad at everything. You guys made it better and I took that for granted. When we went into the city I felt it get worse. I started smoking again and hiding away in my room,” Fitz sighed as Swagger remembered asking Matt about Fitz at the start of December and Matt could only shrug; he knew as much as Swagger did. “It scared me. It scared me so much. I didn’t know what to do. Before the dance, I had gotten into a fight with my mom. I told myself it’d be fine if I just left and went to the dance, things would cool down. But it didn’t...I just made it worse,” Swagger winced as Fitz’s voice broke. “So fucking bad...” Fitz rubbed the tears away from his eyes. “After the crash while in the hospital, I wanted someone to blame other than myself so bad. I blamed the astronaut, I blamed you, I blamed my mom, blamed Matt...And then...In January when you...You...” Fitz couldn’t get the words out. He suddenly put his cup down and pulled Swagger into a hug. Swagger stiffened awkwardly for a moment before closing his eyes and pressing his face against the older boy’s chest. He was faintly aware of Fitz’s right hand clutching at the side of his helmet, his left arm wrapped tightly around Swagger's shoulders. He felt Fitz tremble with sobs. “I’m sorry...” 

“It's okay...I-I forgive you,” Swagger said quietly. Fitz’s grip around him tightened. The two boys stood like that for a few moments longer, their arms tightly around each other, before slowly stepping away, their eyes turning back up the dancing stars. Swagger took a deep breath, his eyes stinging with tears. He awkwardly reached under his helmet to rub his eyes, the metal edge scraping against his knuckles. 

“S-Swagger?” The knight looked up at Fitz whose shoulders still trembled slightly. “I know I already asked you… but why do you wear the helmet? Why do you never take it off? Even around us...We’ve never really seen you…” Fitz said, slowly raising his gaze to the knight. His lashes were wet with tears. Swagger looked away from him. “I’m not asking you to take it off… I would never do that....I’m sorry. Forget that I asked.” 

“It’s okay,” Swagger repeated. “I just…” he sighed, his tear-filled eyes on the stars above him. “I was made fun of a lot in elementary and middle school. I was the weirdo. They made me feel like I’d never truly fit in. I felt so… small. Everything I did just wasn’t enough to make it stop. I tried so hard to be what people expected normal to be. But what is normal?” Swagger took another deep, shuddering breath. “I told myself that the day I graduated would be the day that I leave this town. I just had to be brave enough to survive however long that took. But I didn’t feel brave. Then one day, I was at a thrift shop with Toby and in the toy section, among other costume stuff given away by kids who long ago grown up, I saw this helmet. I picked it up and it just felt...right. I felt braver just holding it in my hands. So I put it on and I haven’t taken it off since. Except to sleep and shower,” Swagger laughed. “I trust you guys, believe me, I do. I just…” he paused, taking another deep breath. “I just feel safe under this helmet and I don’t know if I’m ready to take it off.” Fitz stared down at the knight who had his arms wrapped around himself in a protective hug, the white sleeves of his letterman jacket glinting in the moonlight. “My mom had told my dad to just give me time when I first started wearing it; I’d grow out of it. But then she left and then things got so quiet... and I like how loud my voice sounds under here. Now here I am… Seventeen and it’s still here,” Swagger said, knocking on the side of his helmet. The ringing sound echoed through the cold, quiet air. “It’s all just comes down to time. How much time can I spend hiding, safe and sound under here? How much time do I have to keep living like this? How much time till you leave? Till I leave? Till we all leave…” Swagger looked up at the dark night sky and the twinkling stars. “It’s all just time…” Swagger turned his gaze to Fitz. He smiled under his helmet. “I’m so grateful for the time I have with you.” Fitz smiled. 

“Me too.” 

“So you just talked?” Toby’s questioning voice dragged Swagger back to the present. He blinked, the warm orange glow of the bedroom washing over him. 

“Yeah. I don’t know what else to say about it. We didn’t fight, didn’t cry and beg for forgiveness. We just talked...Explained to each other how we were feeling and that was that...It’s all better now. That’s all that matters, right?” Swagger asked. Toby smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah. I just want to make sure that everything is okay,” Toby said. “I missed us. It doesn’t feel right without all of us.” 

“I missed us too,” Swagger said quietly. Toby reached for Swagger’s hand, giving it a squeeze before returning his attention back to his homework. Swagger watched his pen dance across the page as he wrote. Silence fell over the room, the song having come to an end. 

“So what's going on with you and Bee?” Toby asked, shattering the peaceful silence around Swagger. 

“Huh? What? Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Swagger spat out quickly, crossing his arms. He could feel his cheeks heat up under his helmet. “Fuck off.” Toby giggled. 

“Whatever you say,” Toby said with a smile, his feet kicking back and forth through the air. Swagger looked away from him, deciding to say nothing than entertain Toby and his teasing anymore. “Do you want to go get pizza now?” 

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Swagger said, abruptly getting to his feet. Toby smirked and got up, tossing his pen down on the floor before following the knight out into the hallway. They jumped down the stairs, pulling on their boots and coats in the front hall before heading out in the cold March night. They talked about movies and video games, about things that in a few weeks, a few months, a few years, would mean nothing at all. The dirty snow crunched under their boots. They reached the small pizza parlour a few minutes later, the dull white neon light washing over them as they ordered a pizza for them to share. They sat by the window, watching the cars go by.

“I heard Fitz is going to try for valedictorian,” Toby said before taking a sip from his orange soda. “I think he could do it.” 

“I think so too…” Swagger said quietly. “Would his class want him to be their valedictorian though? He's only here for the one year." 

“I really don’t think anyone cares,” Toby said. 

“I do,” Swagger breathed. Before Toby could say anything, the twenty-year-old working at the cashier called out that their pizza was ready. Toby jumped up to grab it. Swagger stared out the window at the dark street, the pizza shop’s dull white light washing over him. They ate the cheesy pizza there, their conversation returning to things that happened that week at school and the movies they had watched recently and ones coming out that year. Toby laughed as Swagger struggled to eat with his helmet lifted just enough for him to stuff the cheesy pizza into his mouth, grease coating his fingers. 

After dinner, they began the walk back to Toby’s house, content and quiet. They took the long way, walking towards the park near the edge of the suburb that opened on to the woods and the river that ran through it. They could faintly hear the gurgle of the water over the rocks as it flowed downriver. Swagger kicked at the snow as they walked through the park, his eyes on the snow-covered tree branches above him. They passed by the playground where Swagger had played at countless times when he was younger, running around the sandbox, climbing up the slide and leaping down the stairs. He remembered swinging on the swings and thinking that if he went high enough, he could touch the clouds. 

“What is that?” Toby’s breathless whisper caught Swagger’s attention. The knight stopped, following Toby’s gaze towards the treeline. Swagger’s eyes widened. 

Standing in the snow was the astronaut. The white moonlight glinted off the dark visor of its helmet. 

The two boys stared at the astronaut who stared back at them, it’s bare left hand slowly raising to wave to them. “What is that mark on its wrist?” Toby breathed. Swagger didn’t answer, only stared in stunned silence. 

Slowly, the astronaut dropped it’s hand and began to turn towards the woods, disappearing into the dark. 

Without hesitation, Swagger broke into a run. 

The cold air whipped through the holes in his helmet as he ran towards the treeline where the astronaut had just been. 

“Swagger!” Toby yelled after him. “Come back! What are you doing?” Toby cried. Swagger could hear Toby’s boots crunch on the icy snow as he ran after the knight. Swagger reached the treeline, pushing branches out of his way. The snow was covered with dirt and fallen pine needles. He breathed hard under his helmet, the branches scratching at the metal as he ran through the woods. 

“Where are you?” Swagger yelled into the darkness. “Who are you? What do you want?” No answer greeted him except for the constant sound of the water flowing around the rocks in the river. Swagger staggered to a stop, taking in the dark woods around him. “Who are you?” He screamed. 

A crashing sound echoing through the dark made him jump. 

“Swagger!” Toby called out frantically. The blonde boy was nowhere to be seen. “Swagger!” The knight’s heart began to race with fear. Panic settled heavily over him. 

He had no idea where he was. 

“Toby! Where are you?” Swagger called out. There was no answer. “Toby!” He heaved for air. He spun around, the woods looking darker than they had before. “Toby! Where are you?” 

“Swagger!” Toby called out from somewhere behind him. Swagger turned, breaking into another run. He pushed the branches out of his way as his heavy bo _ ots thudded against the muddy ground. The branches scrapped across the knight’s armour, his red and gold cape fluttering behind him as he ran, his sword held tight in his hand. “Swagger!” Toby’s scream rang through the dark woods. The knight heaved for air, panic coursing through him.  _

_ One moment, Toby was right beside him. The next, he was gone.  _

_ Movement from the corner of his eye made Swagger whirl, his cape rippling around him as he raised his sword in time to block a blow from a knight in black armour. He grit his teeth as the dark knight pulled their sword back to strike again. Swagger blocked the blow and kicked the knight back. The knight fell to the snow. Swagger let out a scream of rage as he drove his sword into the knight’s chest. The knight burst in a cloud of black smoke that swirled around the knight, the smell of sulfur stinging his nose. _

_ Toby screamed again, his voice full of terror.  _

_ Swagger didn’t hesitate before running in the direction of the scream. His heart raced. The dark knights had been following them since the last battle. They should have known that it was only a matter of time before they tried to strike again. They should have known better than to separate to look for food and water.  _

_ “Toby!” Swagger screamed desperately. A sudden hand grabbed his arms from behind and pulled him back. Swagger cried out in pain as he crashed to the forest floor. The dark knight grabbed at his helmet. Swagger let out another cry as he hit at the knight, sparks flying between his ironclad knuckles and the dark knight’s helmet. He could feel the edges of the knight’s fingers scratching the silver metal of his helmet. “Get off me!” Swagger screamed. He turned his head, reaching frantically for his sword. His fingers reached the edge of the hilt. The dark knight hit the side of his helmet hard. He cried out, hot blood oozing down the side of his face where the slits of his helmet had cut into his skin. Curling his fingers around the hilt of his sword, he suddenly rammed the gold metal into the side of the dark knight’s head, throwing the knight off. Swagger rolled onto his knees, raising his sword above his head to stab it into the dark knight’s chest. He got up, black smoke clinging to his cape as he turned and kept running through the woods. “Toby!” He looked around desperately. Where was Fitz? Where was Jay and Mason? Where was Matt?  _

_ He felt completely and utterly alone in the dark woods, waiting to be pounced upon and slaughtered.  _

_ A flash of silver through the trees caught his eye.  _

_ Swagger ran towards it.  _

_ Toby screamed again.  _

_ Swagger’s boot caught on a root, sending him falling forward. He caught himself on a tree, the tips of his metal fingers digging into the bark. Through the trees, he got a glimpse of the dark knights dragging the knight across the snow, his purple cape torn to shreds, his helmet knocked off. Blood oozed down his face.  _

_ “Toby!” Swagger cried out. He pushed himself off the tree, starting down the hill towards them. The river roared. “Toby!”  _

_ A hand suddenly grabbed his wrist in the dark, making the knight cry out as he turned to fa _ ce the blonde boy who heaved for air beside him, desperately grabbing onto the knight. Swagger staggered backwards and tumbled to the snow. The two boys landed in a heap on the ground. Swagger managed to sit up, his head ringing, his chest rising and falling heavily. Toby clung to Swagger tightly, pressing his face against his chest as he gasped for air. Swagger wrapped his arms around the blonde boy, the white sleeves of his letterman jacket glowing in the moonlight. They sat in silence for a few moments, clinging to each other as they struggled to catch their breath. Just beyond them, the river rushed by, sparkling in the moon's glow. 

“Don’t ever run away from me like that again…” Toby managed to say. Swagger nodded. 

“I just thought I could up to the astronaut…” Swagger struggled for air, sweat dripping down his face under his helmet. His grip tightened around Toby. “And then..." his voice broke. "I thought I lost you..." 


	9. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for my sudden hiatus for this fic. I got super swamped with school work and I had no time to write. The semester is over now, my last final is tomorrow so I should be back to weekly updates for this fic now!! Thank you all so so much for your patience! I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Warm spring sunlight cast long shadows across the lawns and roads of the quiet town. A breeze rustled the leaves of the trees that lined the quiet suburban street. Young voices floated through the air, towards the knight peddling his bike as fast he could down the street; a heavy plastic bag full of soda bottles and chips hanging from his handlebars, his backpack stuffed full with his old sleeping bag decorated with stars and planets. He could see Jay’s driveway at the end of the street, the black haired boy watching Mason draw with brightly coloured chalk on the driveway. Toby sat on the front step, a smile on his face as he watched the two boys. A flash of silver caught his eye and he looked up. He waved to Swagger as the knight reached the driveway.

“What did you bring?” Mason asked excitedly, taking the plastic bag off Swagger’s bike. He rummaged through the bag, the plastic rustling loudly. He pulled out a bag of Cheetos, a bright grin on his face.

“Are Fitz and Matt here yet?” Swagger asked, turning to Jay who shook his head. The bag of Cheetos in Mason’s hands popped. The younger boy smiled, grabbing a handful, the orange cheese getting all over his hand as he shoved the Cheetos into his mouth.

“They better show up!” Mason said with his mouth full. “It’s Jay’s super epic sleepover night!” Mason gestured to his artwork on the driveway which displayed the words ‘Jay’s Super Epic Sleepover’ in bright chalk. Swagger snorted. Jay smiled, though he looked a little embarrassed. He ran a hand through his dark curls before pulling his black hood up.

“Jay’s super epic sleepover!” Toby repeated as he got up from the front step, a wide smile on his face.

“I said that once as a joke!” Jay said. “Stop saying it.”

“Why? It's fun! Its Jay’s super epic sleepover tonight!” Mason screamed for the whole neighbourhood to hear. Jay pulled the strings of his hood till only his nose was visible.

“Jay’s super epic sleepover?” Matt’s voice echoed down the street toward them. Swagger glanced at back at Jay, watching him lie face down on the lawn.

“Jay’s super epic sleepover!” Mason and Toby yelled back at Matt. Fitz’s laugh drifted towards them. The two older boys walked down the street towards them, backpacks with sleeping bags and pillows on their backs, plastic bags full of snacks in their hands. Swagger smiled as he watched them walk towards the driveway, his helmet glinting in the warm, late afternoon light. Jay let out another groan from where he lay on the front lawn.

“Jay’s super epic sleepover!” Matt yelled again as they reached the driveway, stopping to admire Mason’s chalk masterpiece on the driveway.

“Stop saying that,” Jay said into the grass. Matt smirked as he walked past Swagger onto the lawn. He set his bag down and wrapped his arms around Jay, pulling him up like a ragdoll. Jay squealed, his arms flopping over Matt’s, his legs kicking out as the taller boy swung him around.

“Say it, Jay! It's super and epic!” Matt cried. Jay let out another cry, his eyes closed tightly.

“Put me down!” Jay cried. “I’m gonna puke!”

“Say it, Jay!”

“Okay! It's super and ep-“ Jay’s words turned into a scream as Matt tripped. The two boys crashed onto the lawn, their jeans green with grass stains. The boys could only laugh as Matt and Jay picked themselves back up, wiping damp grass of their jeans. “Can we go inside now please?” Jay begged. The boys agreed. Jay headed to the detached garage; opening the door for Swagger to put his bike with Mason’s before closing it, casting the bikes, the rusting gardening tools and toys that Jay hadn’t played with in years into darkness. The boys headed up the old front steps and into the even older house.

“It’s haunted!” Mason had said a few weeks ago when Swagger and Toby were sleeping over. The boys were crammed onto the old, fraying couch in the basement illuminated by the flashes of the action movie they were watching.

“You are just saying that to scare us! Shut up!” Toby had whined.

“He’s not lying…” Jay had said from where he sat at the far end of the couch, pulling absentmindedly at the strings of the couch. “This movie sucks. Let's put something else on,” Jay said casually, ignoring the stares from the boys sitting beside him. Swagger had barely slept that night, jumping at every creak and groan of the old house. He found himself reaching for Toby’s who slept beside him on the air mattress, gripping the boy’s hand tightly till he felt calm enough to fall asleep.

Now, the front hallway was full of chatter was the boys kicked off their shoes before heading to the basement door. The old staircase rumbled as the six boys jumped and galloped down the stairs. Jay turned on the dim light, illuminating the old TV on its old wooden stand and the old, fading couch in the middle of the cold thin carpeted floor. A rickety shelf at the other end of the room was filled with old board games, the covers long ago faded and ripped at the corners. Beside the shelf was a record player and a milk crate full of records. Under the TV were VHS tapes, the new plastic cases glinting in the light while the cardboard covers looked just as faded as the board games, their edges frayed from multiple watches.

Chip bags and bottles of pop covered the top of the coffee table between the couch and the TV. Sleeping bags and blankets were thrown across the floor. Jay ran over to the board game shelf, pulling a few boxes off the shelf. Matt lay down on the couch only to yell at Mason who rolled over the top of it, landing heavily on the taller boy’s stomach before getting thrown off, landing on Swagger’s sleeping bag. Toby grabbed the end of Swagger’s sleeping bag, dragging Mason across the floor. Swagger could only watch and pray that they wouldn’t rip it.

Swagger turned to see Fitz standing by the record player, flipping through the records Jay’s dad had collected. His eyes widened as he pulled out one of the records. He put it onto the player. A few moments later, the opening chords of Olivia Newton-John’s _Twist of Fate_ began to play. Fitz smiled at Swagger. A few days ago, they had heard the song while eating fries at the mall food court, both of them quietly singing along at the very table Swagger had sat at with Toby the day he met the tall boy. Fitz began to dance across the basement floor. Swagger’s shoulders bounced side to side.

“Do we deserve a second chance… How did we fall into this circumstance…” Fitz sang along. Swagger smiled, a laugh floating out from his helmet.

“We weren't so straight and narrow...This is much more than we deserve…” Swagger found himself singing along. The music got louder as the song reached the chorus; a flurry of drum beats and guitar riffs exploding from the record player.

“It's gotta be a strange twist of fate...Telling me that Heaven can wait!” The two boys sang as they danced around the couch. “Telling me to get it right this time...Life doesn't mean a thing without the love you bring!” They laughed as they pointed at each other from across the basement. The other boys got up, joining them in their dance. Swagger spun Toby around as Fitz and Matt shimmed around the couch. As the song reached the bridge, Fitz dropped dramatically to the floor, doing his best to hold the long note.

“Love is what we've found...The second time around!” Swagger sang loudly as the song reached the last chorus, slowly fading into silence.

 

Smoke rose from the BBQ, drifting into the slowly darkening sky with the warm sounds of laughter and music. Golden sparks flew through the early spring air. Sitting on the back porch step, a can of orange soda with a straw in his hands, Swagger watched Mason, Jay, Fitz and Toby run around the backyard, sparklers in their hands. Jay’s father stood at the BBQ, spatula in hand. The smell of burgers and hotdogs drifted towards Swagger whose stomach growled.

“Hey!” Swagger looked up at Matt as he sat down beside him on the porch step, cracking open his can of cola. “I was wondering. Have you seen that astronaut lately?” Matt asked. Swagger shook his head.

“Not since...Last month. At the river,” Swagger said, remembering running through the dark woods, calling out for Toby. He glanced up at Toby, watching him smile as he spun around with his sparkler, his face bathed in the warm golden light.

“Right...I remember you guys telling us about that,” Matt said quietly. “I was just wondering cause I overhead some teachers at school saying that police found a crash site near the river.” Swagger’s eyes widened. “It’s apparently really deep in the woods but they think that’s where the blue light last year came from.”

“Can we go see it?” Swagger asked.

“Probably not. If it’s real, it’ll have the feds all over it. Like in the X-Files!” Matt said excitedly. He laughed. “It’s probably just a rumour.”

“Yeah…” Swagger murmured, watching the golden sparks fly through the air. Fitz’s sparkler reached the end, going out in a splutter of tiny sparks.

“But wouldn’t it be so cool to find it?” Matt said quietly as Fitz started across the lawn to get another sparkler. “To see something greater than yourself...Something that in one glance tells you the universe is greater than we will ever know and we’re only a moment in it.” Matt took a sip from his soda. “That's what I felt when I saw the astronaut last year...Just before the crash. If I had died right there-“

“Don’t say that,” Swagger said sharply, turning to look at Matt who sat beside him on the old porch step. His eyes were on the younger boys as they ran around the backyard. “You didn’t die. And don’t think about what would have happened if you did. I did and I really can’t think about it again,” Swagger said, his voice breaking. Matt turned to Swagger. He pulled the knight into a one-armed hug.

“I love ya, Swags,” Matt said.

“I love you too,” Swagger said quietly, a smile pulling at his lips.

“Whatcha talking about?” Fitz asked as he reached them, tossing the burnt out sparkler onto the porch step with the other burnt sparklers.

“Just some deep philosophical shit,” Matt laughed.

“Oh nice,” Fitz said as he grabbed another sparkler from the bag beside Swagger. He watched the tall boy light the sparkler with his lighter. Fitz glanced down at Swagger, meeting his gaze through the narrow slits for his eyes in the helmet. “Here.” Fitz held the sparkler out to Swagger. Golden sparks flew between them. “Do you want this one?”

Butterflies in Swagger’s stomach danced.

“Sure,” Swagger smiled, taking the sparkler from Fitz as he stood up.

“Swagger!” Mason’s excited voice called to him across the yard. Swagger ran over the other boys, spinning around with his sparkler, the golden light glinting off his helmet. Sparks flew through the dark. The boy’s laughter floated along with the early spring breeze that rustled the budding leaves on the trees.

Overhead, stars glowed like golden sparks.

 

After dinner, the boys walked to the corner store, grabbing bags of candy and filling up tall paper cups with their brightly coloured slushies.

“Let's rent this movie!” Mason said to Swagger and Matt as they walked into the movie aisle, their fingers numb from the slushies in their hands. Swagger stared at the cover. It had a screaming woman and blood splattered words spelling out the title. Swagger frowned.

“Fitz won’t like that.”

“It's not Fitz’s sleepover! It's Jay’s! If Jay wants to watch it, let's rent it!” Mason said, excitedly pushing past Swagger who sighed. To his disappointment, Jay and Toby wanted to watch it too. Matt was weak against Mason’s convincing, making it four against two.

Jay got the movie.

On the walk back, Swagger walked close to Fitz, listening to him joke about being brave.

“I’m not scared!” Fitz said, puffing up his chest.

“Yeah right! When we went to see that stupid zombie movie you got freaked right out!” Jay laughed. “Remember Swagger?”

“No...I wasn’t there…” Swagger said quietly, remembering walking past the theatre in January, his socks wet from holes in his boots. He had looked at the movie poster hanging out front the theatre and wondered if the boys would go see it.

“Oh...Right. Sorry,” Jay said, kicking a pebble on the road.

“It's fine,” Swagger shrugged. “Was it good?”

“No! The movie sucked! It was so cheesy!” Mason said loudly.  

“Soundtrack was shit too,” Matt added.

“The zombies looked so fake,” Toby said, taking a sip from his pink slushie.

“You wouldn’t have liked it,” Fitz said, giving Swagger a reassuring smile.

“Gotcha,” Swagger said, finding himself smiling. “This one had better be good, Mason!”

“It will be!” Mason said as he whirled around to look at Swagger, nearly spilling his slushie as he walked backwards. “It's got a slasher and boo-“ the younger boy tripped over his own feet and crashed to the pavement, his slushie with every flavour in it splattering all over himself and onto the road as the boys around him let out a cry of shock and laughter. “Fuck!” Mason cried out. Matt and Toby helped Mason to his feet, brushing off the slushie. Mason’s elbows were bleeding.

“You fucking idiot,” Fitz laughed.

“My slushie!” Mason whined.

“Here,” Swagger held his slushie out to Mason. “Mines too sweet, too much vanilla coke. You can have it.” Mason hesitantly took the slushie.

“Thanks,” Mason smiled.

“Just don’t spill this one too,” Swagger laughed.

“I won’t!” Mason said as they started once more down the narrow, tree-lined street illuminated only by orange pools of light from the streetlamps. Their shadows drifted across the old, cracked pavement. These roads were paved before they were born and would be here long after they were gone.

In this moment, they were on this road, their voices filling the night air.

The next moment, they would be gone.

Swagger found himself looking over his shoulder at the road they had already walked down, his gaze taking in the trees that reached for each other over the river of pavement with their branches and the quiet houses that stared back at the knight. A part of him hoped that he would catch a glimpse of the astronaut but its white suit with it’s missing left glove and glinting visor was nowhere to be seen. Swagger sighed and turned his gaze back to the road ahead of them.

 

“Swagger...Swagger wake up.” The knight’s eyes flickered open. His head ached. He reached his hand up to his face, feeling the metal of the helmet. He slowly began to realize that he had fallen asleep in it. Swagger winced as he sat up. Through the narrow slits in the helmet, he could see Fitz sitting beside him on the air mattress between the couch and the TV. On the other side of Fitz, Toby slept quietly. On the floor on a thinner blow up mattress, Matt shifted in his sleep. Jay and Mason shared the couch; Jay on the left side of the couch and Mason on the right, their feet kicking against each other whenever one of them moved. A faint orange glow from the streetlamps came through the narrow windows near the top of the basement’s walls, just enough for Swagger to see Fitz’s wide-eyed gaze. He looked small in his old band t-shirt and baggy sweatpants.

“W-What is it?” Swagger whispered.

“I-I…” Fitz sounded embarrassed. “I have to use the bathroom but I could swear I heard someone walking up there...I heard the floor creak. C-Can you come upstairs with me?” Swagger sighed. He glanced at the other boys, half tempted to wake one of them up since it was them who scared Fitz so much with the horror movie. The whole time, Fitz had hidden his face in a pillow beside Swagger as they sat against the couch on the air mattress, the only light coming from the TV.

“I’m sure it was nothing,” Swagger said, his gaze flickering to the basement ceiling. He pulled his sleeping bag tighter around himself.

“Please, Swagger,” Fitz begged.

“Fine,” Swagger sighed. The two boys quietly got off the air mattress and started for the stairs. Swagger led the way, gripping the railing tightly as he made his way up the creaking stairs, the hems of his plaid pyjama pants dragging on the floor. He wondered how Jay could live in such an old house and sleep as soundly as he was on the old couch. He shivered under his thick hoodie.

How does one get used to a haunted house?

Swagger sat down on the couch by the living room window to wait for Fitz. He leaned against the back of the couch as he stared out the window, his arm resting on the top of the cushion. The street was silent. Not a single car went by.

The other identical old houses that lined the road, with four windows on the front and the same front porch, were dark silhouettes. The knight wondered if they were haunted too. Were all houses in one way or another haunted by memories of the people who lived in them? Who grew up in them? Who lived in them only for a little while only to move away again? Who died in them? Swagger wondered if he would haunt his childhood home.

The silence was broken by the floorboards creaking under Fitz’s feet as he walked into the living room. The tall boy sat down on the couch beside Swagger, staring over the back of it at the window. His face was softly illuminated with the faint orange street lamp glow.

“I’m still not used to the silence yet,” Fitz whispered. “Where I used to live there was always noise. You could always hear people. Cars, sirens, voices. At all hours of the day. And there were so many lights from all of the cars and the buildings. I never knew what darkness really was till my first night here. I was so scared, Swagger. I sat there in my bed with all of my boxes around me still waiting to be unpacked and I listened. I listened so hard for the sounds of other people but there weren’t any. And it was so dark. I stopped sleeping with a night light when I was eight but I wanted it back that night. Sometimes I still want it at night. Have you ever noticed it, Swagger? How dark it is?”

“Not really…” Swagger breathed, meeting Fitz’s gaze. “I bet if I moved into the city, I’d never get used to the noise.”

“Why do you like the silence?” Fitz asked. Swagger said nothing, his gaze on the road. After a few moments, he turned to look at the tall boy who stared back at him, a strange, beautiful look in his eyes. The butterflies in Swagger’s stomach awoke. Fitz’s hands slowly raised to Swagger’s helmet, gently caressing the metal as he leaned towards him.

"F-Fitz..." the knight breathed. Swagger couldn’t look away from the tall boy’s gaze as Fitz began to lift his helmet. He felt Fitz’s hand gently move from the metal to his cheek. Swagger’s eyes closed as the tall boy moved close enough for Swagger to feel his breath against his skin.

“What are you guys doing?” The helmet dropped back down over Swagger’s face as Fitz turned to look at Jay who stood by the basement door, rubbing his eyes. Fitz stammered, struggling to find the words. Swagger glanced nervously between Jay and Fitz.

“N-Nothing,” Swagger said quickly. “Fitz couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh...Cause of that movie?” Jay asked.

“Yeah,” Fitz said. “I think I’m fine now.” Swagger watched as Fitz suddenly got up and started towards the basement door, not even looking back at Swagger as he quickly disappeared into the dark. Swagger stared after him, his mind and heart racing.

“Are you okay?” Jay asked. Swagger blinked.

“Y-Yeah,” the knight said with a nod.

“That’s good,” Jay said before turning to walk down the hall towards the kitchen. Swagger let out a sigh now that he was alone. His gaze flickered to the basement door.

Fitz had been so quick to run away. Swagger couldn’t help the feeling of hurt that suddenly came crashing over him. Swagger’s bottom lip began to wobble, his eyes filling up with tears. Slowly, he turned back to the window.

“Are you coming back downstairs?” Jay asked as he walked back to the door, a cup of water in his hand. Swagger shook his head.

“I’m...I’m gonna stay up here for a little while if that's okay.”

“Are you sure?” Jay asked softly. He could hear the wobble in the knight’s voice.

“Yeah,” Swagger nodded. Jay stared at him for a moment longer before he too disappeared through the dark doorway. Swagger stared at the dark road, feeling tears slip down his cheeks. “So stupid…” he whispered to himself. "He's going to pretend nothing happened...I can pretend..." He adjusted his helmet.

Something moving outside caught his attention.

Swagger raised his gaze.

Standing in the middle of the street was the astronaut.

Swagger’s eyes widened as he moved onto his knees to get a better look at the astronaut. The orange light reflected off its visor. It’s bare left hand slowly began to rise. The astronaut waved to the knight. Slowly, Swagger raised his hand, the little Saturn on his left wrist bathed in the orange light as he waved back to the astronaut.

“But wouldn’t it be so cool to find it?” Matt’s words floated through Swagger’s head as he stared at the astronaut. “To see something greater than yourself...Something that in one glance tells you the universe is greater than we will ever know and we’re only a moment in it…”

The sound of the floorboards creaking made Swagger look away from the window, his gaze scanning the dark living room but no one was there. When he looked back at the road, the astronaut was gone. Swagger leaned further over the couch, looking up and down the street as far as he could but the astronaut was nowhere to be seen.

Swagger fought back more tears as he laid down on the couch despite how much he wanted to return to the warmth of his sleeping bag. He didn’t want to go back down there and face Fitz. He closed his eyes. Slowly, surrounded by silence, Swagger began to fall asleep.

He dreamed of stars, would be first kisses and the silence of space.   


	10. May

Lights flashed and screams echoed through the spring air. Music played faintly from speakers and the sugary sweet smell of candy apples drifted around the park. The Ferris wheel spun and the nausea-inducing Twirl-a-Whirl went around and around.

“Oh my god! We have to go on that!” Bordie cried, pointing at a fast, spinning ride called the Orbitor. Toby shook his head, already looking pale. “Aw come on! Please!”

"Please, Toby!" Mason joined in, jumping around the blonde boy. Bordie laughed as Mason pulled at Toby's arm.

“Go ahead and barf your guts out,” Bee said as she walked past Bordie who rolled her eyes. Bee glanced back at Swagger, a smile pulling at her sparkling lips.

“Why don’t we just go on the Ferris wheel?” Anna suggested, still not entirely sure what to say to the older girls. Anna had stared at Bee’s hand tattoos when she first met her, looking nervous in her cute denim overall dress and pink t-shirt compared to Bordie in her black tennis skirt and long sleeve, her wrists adorned with chunky bracelets, her pink hair in loose pigtails and Bee in a simple, short yellow sundress and a black jean jacket covered with pins and patches, her old black Converse running shoes dirty and covered with doodles drawn out of boredom. Bee had flashed Anna a smile and bought her carnival ticket for her despite Jay’s protests.

“We’ll steal your girlfriend, Jay!” Bee had laughed. Anna had blushed and shaken her head, her grip tightening on Jay’s hand.

“The Ferris wheel is for making out!” Bordie said now to Toby. Swagger raised his helmet just enough to bite into his candy apple, the loud crunching sound catching Bee’s attention. She giggled. Swagger smiled as he chewed. “And I don’t want to make out! I’d rather barf!” Bordie cried impatiently.

“Stop talking about barf!” Toby whined. “The last ride nearly got me!”

"Barf! Barf! Bar-"

"Shut up, Mason!" Toby yelled. Mason laughed as he let go of Toby.

“Why don’t we just chill for a bit? Didn’t Fitz and Matt say they’d be here soon? Where are they?” Jay asked. Swagger stiffened slightly at the mention of Fitz.

“Fitz is trying out for valedictorian today,” Toby said as they all sat down around a picnic table.

“Right,” Jay said. Swagger was barely paying attention, his eyes on the bright blue sky overhead. It had been this blue when Swagger woke up on Jay's couch last month. Swagger had silently packed up his things, awkwardly glancing at Fitz who was cheery as he helped roll up the mattresses that had covered Jay's basement floor.

“Fitz…” Swagger had said when Jay and Matt headed upstairs, leaving the two of them alone in the basement. “What...What happened last night?” Swagger managed to ask. Fitz said nothing as he stuffed his sleeping bag into its carrying bag. “Fitz.”

“I don’t know...I’m sorry,” Fitz said quietly. “Let's just forget about it.”

“I don’t-“ Swagger started to say but was interrupted by Jay yelling down the stairs that Fitz’s mom was there to pick him up. Fitz looked up at Swagger.

“I’m sorry,” Fitz said again as he got up. “I didn’t mean to make things awkward. Just forget about it.” With that, he had turned and headed up the stairs. Swagger stared after him.

He had tried to forget about it and he almost did.

In the past month, he rarely saw Fitz alone, not because they were avoiding each other but because life didn't have the time to spare them the moment; Matt and Fitz were studying for finals and other friends pulled Swagger away from any moment alone he had with Fitz. He found himself hanging out more and more with Bee, going with her to the mall, getting lunch at the cheap diner, making her laugh as he tried to drink his milkshake by sticking the red straw through his helmet and wandering among the claustrophobic aisles in the thrift store, trying on silly cowboy boots and heavy, sparkling coats that were popular ten years ago. He found himself staring at Bee, watching the way her hair fell around her face and the way she would lean back in her chair when she laughed, her eyes sparkling.

When he went home, Swagger still thought about her.

Sometimes though, after crawling into bed and turning off the light, his thoughts of yellow skirts, strawberry shakes and sweet laughter would turn into thoughts of golden curls, city lights and soft hands. He thought of Fitz’s hands on his helmet and his breath against his skin.

He felt so confused; so torn. He constantly felt butterflies in his stomach.

He never used to care about things like this.

He never used to feel things like this.

“Are you not going to eat that?” Bee asked, playfully snatching the candy apple from Swagger’s hand, yanking him back to the present. He watched her take a bit out of it, the sweet candy smearing across her lips and chin. Butterflies danced in his chest.

“You can have it,” Swagger laughed. Bee smiled.

“Thanks,” she said before taking another bite. Bordie made a gagging sound before dropping her head down onto the table, her pink pigtails oozing around her head and shoulders. Anna cautiously patted her head.

“We could just go to the mall?” Jay suggested.

“And do what?” Toby asked.

“The same thing we’re doing now,” Jay shrugged. “But at the mall.” Swagger glanced between Jay and Toby, feeling himself sweating under his helmet. He regretted wearing his heavy letterman jacket today. His old jeans were ripped at the knees, his running shoes scuffed and dirty.

“Your jeans are too tight,” Bordie said, pulling at the thigh of Toby’s black jeans.

“They are called skinny jeans! The newest thing!” Toby said, smacking Bordie’s hand away, her pink and black nails glinting in the light. “Don’t touch them.”

“They make your legs look like sticks,” Bordie laughed. Toby crossed his arms, scowling at her.

“I do not have stick legs,” Toby said sharply.

“Yeah you do,” Bordie giggled. Swagger glanced away from Toby, meeting Bee’s gaze.

“Do you think Fitz will get valedictorian?” Jay asked, stealing a piece from Anna’s cotton candy. She only pretended to be mad at him; a scowl crossing her face for only a moment before her smile returned as she leaned her head against Jay's shoulder.

“He’s a good talker,” Toby said with a shrug. “But this was his only year here so he’d have to have written a really good speech to get it.”

“Enough about speeches, we can think about that next year. I want Swagger to win me one of those pink teddy bears,” Bee said as she stood up suddenly from the picnic table. Swagger stared up at her.

“You...You do?”

“Yes. Come on,” she said as she started towards the carnival games. Swagger glanced at the others before quickly getting up and following her. The warm spring wind caught her long hair, playing with it as she turned to look back at the knight. He caught up to her, feeling butterflies twirling around and around in his stomach.

Her hand took his.

Swagger’s cheeks felt warm under the helmet. He told himself it was just the spring sunshine. His eyes peered through the slits in his helmet, meeting hers. He let her lead him to one of the game booths. She pointed at the large pink fox she wanted, a bright smile on her glossy lips.

“Yeah I can get that, no problem,” Swagger said as he gave the vendor two tickets.

“Break three bottles and you get a small prize. Break five and you win a large prize!” The vendor said, repeating the rules he had said all day to locals who had come all the way to the fairgrounds on the outskirts of town, eager to get their fill of sugar and adrenaline.

Swagger picked up one of the balls from the basket on the counter. He stared through the slits in his helmet at the bottles. Bee watched as he threw the first ball. It was too high, bouncing off the back wall. “Close!” The vendor said encouragingly. Swagger ignored him as he picked up the second ball. He threw it at the bottles, colliding with one of them.

The old soda bottle burst into pieces.

Bee clapped excitedly. Swagger smiled as he grabbed the third ball and threw it only to watch it bounce off the shelf. He swore under his breath, grabbing the fourth ball.

A second bottle broke, pieces of glass falling from the shelf.

He threw the fifth ball, watching it bounce off the shelf, nearly hitting the vendor who ducked out of the way.

Swagger sighed, picking up the last ball in the basket.

He glanced back at the picnic table where the others were sitting, watching him over their shoulders. They all suddenly turned as Matt and Fitz walked over to them. Swagger watched the two older boys reach the table, smiles on their faces. Matt said something which made Fitz blush and shake his head. Matt put his arm around Fitz’s shoulders. Swagger’s grip tightened on the ball. The knight turned and threw the ball at the bottles, harder than he meant to.

The ball hit one of the bottles, shattering it.

“You’ve won a small prize! You can pick any from this first row,” the vendor said. Swagger glanced at Bee and shrugged.

“Sorry I didn’t win you that big bear,” Swagger sighed. "These games are rigged, I swear," he whispered. Bee laughed and shook her head.

“It’s okay. I’ll get the mini version!” Bee said, pointing to the smaller pink fox. She smiled as the vendor handed it to her. They turned away from the booth, glancing back at the table where the others were still gathered around. “Looks like Fitz and Matt are here now.”

“Yeah,” Swagger said quietly. He turned away from the table, looking around the crowded fairgrounds. Screams from teenagers on one of the spinning rides echoed across the field. Lights flashed and music drifted through the air.

Across the field by the picnic table, Fitz watched Swagger and Bee. He only turned his attention back to the others when they all yelled at Mason for saying a gross joke.

“There’s a mirror maze!” Bee’s eyes lit up as she pointed at the little building, it’s exterior flashing with neon lights. Before Swagger could say anything, she had started towards it, the little pink fox held tight in her hands. The knight hurried after her. They climbed the rickety, silver metal stairs, handing the tired carnival worker sitting by the door three tickets each before heading inside the small, dark building.

Neon green, pink and blue lights dimly illuminated the mirror maze. Swagger stared at the mirrors and the strange, distorted reflections of himself that stared back at him from all angles. He felt a little disoriented.

"Come on, Swagger!" Bee called out as she disappeared around a barely visible corner, her yellow dress swirling around her.

“Bee? Where'd you go?” Swagger called out as he nearly walked into one of the mirrors. He felt for the corner, struggling to breathe under his helmet.

The neon lights flashed.

His heartbeat broke into a run.

Swagger turned the corner and suddenly Bee was in front of him.

Swagger stared at her, his eyes flickering down to her glossy lips. He felt Bee’s hands on either side of his helmet. His breath caught in his throat, a jolt of nervousness shooting through him.

His hands clasped hers, slowly moving them away from his helmet.

“Is something wrong?” Bee asked softly, glancing down at their entwined fingers.

“I just...I…” He took a breath. “I don’t know...if I’m ready. There’s so just much going on lately and it’s weird and…I’m sorry Bee. I like you. You’re beautiful and amazing and I’m so stupid…” he sighed. He expected her to turn away from and refuse to ever speak to him again like people who go rejected in the movies did but when he met her gaze, he saw a gentle smile on her face.

“No, you aren’t,” Bee said, her grip tightening on his hands. “It’s okay...I understand,” she said softly. “There is no rush… but…” Her smile got a little wider as she leaned towards him, gently kissing the front of his helmet, his lips on the other side of the metal. He closed his eyes, feeling her breath through the slits in his helmet, a smile slowly spreading on his face.

After a moment she drew away.

“I have always wanted to kiss a knight,” she said, her cheeks pink. Swagger looked down at his shoes, his face feeling just as warm. “I hope when you are ready… You'll fall in love with someone who makes you happy every day. You are the kindest, most genuine person I know,” Bee said softly. “Now come on...Let's get out of here,” she said, holding her hand. Swagger took her hand and let her lead him out of the dark maze.

 

The warm spring sun began to set over the horizon. The faint sound of a freight train’s horn echoed through the evening air. Cars on the highway sped past the almost empty mall parking lot. There wasn't a cloud in the soft blue sky.

Sitting on of the railings of one of the shopping cart corrals, Swagger, Toby and Matt watched Jay, Mason, Anna and Bordie play around with one of the shopping carts. Anna's laugh echoed across the parking lot as she awkwardly climbed into the basket of a shopping cart before Jay started pushing it as fast he could across the parking lot. Fitz and Bee stood by the cart corral, sharing a bag of Maynard fuzzy peach gummies between them. Long golden streaks of light from the setting sun sprawled across the parking lot. The tall shadows of the parking lot streetlamps stretched over the pavement. Swagger slowly raised his gaze to the clear sky. He listened to the quiet rush of cars on the highway and  his friend's laughter echoing across the empty parking lot. Swagger let out a quiet, content sigh as he lowered his gaze back down to Earth.

He wanted this moment to last forever. None of them felt a single worry or was in any rush to move onto the next moment.

For now, the world felt still.

Swagger glanced at Bee and Fitz. He watched as Fitz said something quietly, making Bee laugh, her head leaning back, her eyes closing. Fitz smirked as he looked down at the bag of candy in his hand, his blonde curls shining in the golden hour sunlight. Swagger smiled.

“Swagger! Toby! Come on!” Anna laughed as Jay spun the shopping cart around. “You gotta try this it’s so much fun!” Swagger tore his gaze away from Fitz and Bee, watching as Anna managed to climb out of the shopping cart, breathlessly laughing. Jay smiled, glancing over his shoulder at Bordie who pushed Mason around in another shopping cart, the younger boy's screams and laughs echoing through the evening air. Matt jumped off the railing and ran over to Bordie who let him take control of the cart. Mason screamed as Matt spun the cart around. Toby shook his head, still feeling nauseous from the carnival rides.

"You go ahead, Swags," Toby smiled at the knight.

Swagger jumped down from the railing. He pulled himself into the shopping cart, sitting down in the basket. The metal dug into the back of his thighs through his jeans. He laughed as he held on tight to the sides of the cart as Jay started pushing it as fast he could. The warm spring air whipped around Swagger, his eyes closing tightly as Jay suddenly turned the cart, nearly tipping the knight out. “Hold on!” Jay laughed as he broke into a run, the cart’s wheels rattling as Jay pushed it across the old parking lot. Swagger screamed and laughed, holding on tight to the sides of the cart.

So caught up in feeling the warm evening sunlight through the holes in his helmet, the wind whipping around him and listening to the laughter filling the air, Swagger didn’t see the astronaut standing at the edge of the empty mall parking lot, the golden sunlight reflecting off its visor.  

In one moment, the astronaut was there and in the next, it was gone.


	11. June

“Alright, everybody! Say cheese! Smile!” The camera’s flash nearly blinded the teenagers standing by the bleachers, the mother taking the photo smiling brightly. The field in front of them filled with plastic chairs and a makeshift stage. A banner congratulating this year’s graduating class fluttered in the warm breeze. Seniors dressed in their black cloaks with gold sashes around their necks stood in groups, almost intimidating to the younger kids who were there with them. 

“I’m so nervous!” Fitz shook his hands, his black robe fluttering around him, the tassel hanging from his square hat glinting in the sunlight. In his hands was his cue cards; his speech written neatly on the blue lined paper. 

“You’ll be great!” Swagger reassured him, sweating under his button up shirt and letterman jacket. Matt nodded, his cap's tassel swinging with each movement. 

“I’m valedictorian!” Fitz had yelled when he reached their table in the cafeteria at lunch a few weeks ago. The biggest smile Swagger had ever seen was on his face. The group of misfits had jumped up from the table, hugging him excitedly. Swagger remembered how tightly Fitz had hugged him, his face pressed against the knight's shoulder. Now, Fitz was full of nerves, his hands shaking. 

“Don’t worry. You won the vote by a landslide, Fitz,” Matt said with a shrug. “Your speech is great.” Matt glanced at Swagger whose brow furrowed under his helmet. 

“We’ll go for burgers after this! Everybody gets a milkshake this time!” Toby laughed, his gold high heels sparkling in the sunlight, his suit nicer than anyone else's. Beside him, Bordie and Bee smiled, the early summer wind tugging at their skirts. Beside Bee, Anna was scanning the field; no one had seen Jay or Mason yet that morning. 

“We’re excited to hear your speech, Fitz. You’ve kept it a secret from us,” Bordie said, crossing her arms. “It had better be good.”

“I think it’s good,” Matt said with a smile. Fitz shrugged. 

“I don’t know...I had to find a way to summarize and talk about my year here as best I could. It has honestly been the best year of my life,” Fitz said, his eyes filling with tears. 

“No! You can’t cry yet! You’re going to make me cry!” Toby cried, pulling Fitz into a hug. The others joined the hug, holding onto each other tightly. 

“Sorry…” Fitz said as they broke away from the hug after a few moments. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “I’ve been trying really hard to not cry all week.” Matt nodded, his eyes watery. Matt looked away from the group, clearing his throat. 

“Why do you have to go?” Swagger asked quietly. Fitz looked down at him. He opened his mouth to answer him but the sound of Jay’s heaving breathing as he ran towards them stopped him. 

“Jay? Are you okay?” Bee asked as the black haired boy reached them, his eyes wide and full of worry. 

“I can’t find Mason. He’s not in the school, he’s not around the field. I can’t find him anywhere!” Jay cried frantically. Swagger glanced nervously from Jay to others and back again. Jay wiped his eyes with the back of his blazer sleeve, his eyes filling with tears. 

“He’s gotta be around here somewhere,” Matt said, trying to reassure him. “He’ll turn up.” 

“He said he didn’t want to be here. He said it hurt!” Jay cried at Matt. “He’s not here! We have to find him!” 

“The ceremony starts in ten minutes,” Matt said, glancing around the field. “He’s gotta be here…You know Mason." Matt smiled. 

"Yeah...Everything is so over the top for him,” Toby laughed.  

“This is serious!” Jay yelled.  Toby's smile fell as quickly as it had appeared. Matt stared down at Jay, a look of worry crossing his face. A few people around them glanced at Jay and the misfits with concerned looks. Anna took his hand, gently rubbing his fingers. Jay mumbled an apology, his teary gaze turning down to the grass. 

“Let's go look for him, Jay,” Swagger said gently. Jay looked up at Swagger, giving him a thankful smile.

"We'll come with you," Toby said. Swagger shook his head. 

"If something is wrong, Mason won't want to be swarmed. It's okay. You stay here in case he turns up," Swagger said. Jay nodded. Anna gave Jay a gentle kiss on his cheek before he turned away, heading for the road. “We’ll be back in time for your speech,” Swagger reassured Fitz who nervously fidgeted with his cue cards. Fitz managed a smile and nodded. The knight hurried after the black haired boy, catching up to him as he reached the parking lot. “Where do you think he could have gone?” Swagger asked. The early summer sunlight glinted off his helmet, the gold cross shining brightly. Jay stared down at the sidewalk as he walked. 

“Maybe he’s still at home...We could check there,” Jay finally said after a few silent moments. “Or maybe at the arcade.”

The two boys went silent again. 

“Did he say anything to you? Before he disappeared?” Swagger finally asked. 

   “H-He said...He said he was sad...that he’s been feeling sad for a while. It’s so hard with him sometimes...you never even notice something is wrong... he’s all smiles,” Jay’s voice broke. “I’m such a bad friend.” 

“No, you aren’t. Don’t say that,” Swagger said sharply. “You’re a great friend. I’ve known you since grade ten and you are one of my best friends, Jay.” The black haired boy managed a smile. “Did...Did he say why he was feeling so upset?” Swagger asked quietly. Jay shook his head. 

Silence fell over the two boys once more as they walked down the street. The breeze rustled the young leaves on the trees that lined the road. Overhead the sky was blue and clear, stretching over the small town towards the endless horizon. A car went past the boys, it’s silver paint glinting in the sunlight. Birds sang in the trees. 

It was a perfect day. 

Yet despite the clear blue sky and the warm sun, Swagger didn’t feel happy. He felt a heavy sadness in his chest. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. In two weeks Fitz would be gone. He had promised he'd come back in August before the semester started but Swagger knew it'd only be bittersweet; Fitz would be gone again by the time the leaves started to fall. Matt was staying for the summer and he’d figure out where he was going in the fall.

In a year, Swagger would be gone too. Where he didn’t know yet. His science teacher, Mr Ryan, had told him that astronomy was a tough field, but he had a feeling Swagger would be good at it if he kept his grades up. 

“Everyday astronomers find out just a little bit more about the universe. Perhaps you’ll find something remarkable,” Mr Ryan had said after class a few weeks ago. Swagger had smiled under his helmet and shrugged. 

Now, his eyes on the blue sky above him, the knight still felt just as unsure as he had before that conversation with Mr Ryan about his future. He sighed and lowered his gaze back down to Earth. Jay walked silently beside him. 

“Are you doing okay?” Swagger asked him, breaking the silence that had hung over them.

“I guess so. I just...I just want to find Mason,” Jay said quietly. Swagger nodded. 

“Me too.” 

They walked in silence the rest of the way to Mason’s house. Like Jay’s, it was an older house, the front porch paint peeling, the walls faded with time. The empty driveway was cracked, and there were holes in the screen door. Jay opened the screen door and knocked on the heavy front door. Swagger stood in the driveway, looking up at Mason’s window on the second floor. The curtains were open and he could make out the shapes of action figures on the windowsill. The room looked dark. There was no movement. 

“I don’t think anyone is home. His mom must be at work,” Jay sighed, closing the screen door. Swagger bit the inside of his lip. 

“Where else could he be?" Swagger asked. "If he’s feeling sad he wouldn’t go to the arcade, it’s probably too loud. Maybe...Maybe he’s at the mall?” 

“No, he wouldn't go there. He never likes hanging out there. He gets so antsy,” Jay sighed, sitting down on the front step. “Besides, he spent his month’s allowance last week.” Jay pulled up his sleeve, checking his watch that had been a birthday present from his dad. “Shit, the ceremony must have started by now.” 

“Fitz’s speech is at the very end. We still have time,” Swagger reassured him. 

“Fuck...Where is he?” Jay sighed, running his hands through his black curls. Swagger turned his gaze back to the house. Through the kitchen window, he could see the small table in the middle of the room. A half-finished Connect Four game stood in the centre of the empty table. 

“Someone said they saw an astronaut walking down the highway last week,” Mason’s voice floated through Swagger’s head. He remembered turning away from Fitz as he made breakfast to look at Mason, his hands full of Connect Four chips, Jay and Toby sitting beside him at Fitz’s kitchen table last October.

“Maybe he’s lost,” Fitz had said with a smile. 

“Lost?” Mason’s brow furrowed. “They are very lost then if that’s the case,” he had said quietly, his eyes on the chips in his hand.

"We saw the astronaut!” Jay had cried during Swagger’s first lunch back at school in February. Mason’s eyes had been wide and full of excitement.

“The astronaut has a real NASA suit and everything! All that’s missing is their left glove!” Mason cried, insisting that what he had seen was real. 

"I overheard some teachers at school saying that police found a crash site near the river,” Matt had said, his eyes on the golden sparks flying through the evening air, the boys' laughter filling that April night. “It’s apparently really deep in the woods but they think that’s where the blue light last year came from.” 

“Can we go looking for the astronaut?” Mason had asked multiple times only to be disappointed when they said no. 

Swagger tore his gaze away from the Connect Four, meeting Jay’s sad eyes. 

“I think I know where he is!” Swagger suddenly said. The knight turned on his heel and broke into a run. Jay pushed himself to his feet and ran after the knight. 

“Where?” Jay called out. 

“The river!” 

“Why?” 

“The astronaut!” Swagger yelled back at him. A look of realization crossed Jay’s face. He quickened his pace. The two boys ran down the middle of the road, both of them starting to sweat under their button-up shirts and dress pants. Their running shoes slammed against the hot, cracked pavement. By the time they reached the park, they were out of breath. They stopped by the treeline, heaving for air. Swagger looked up at the trees through the slits in his helmet, his chest rising and falling heavily. 

He hadn’t been here since that cold night in March. 

The two boys started into the woods. Fallen twigs broke under the knight’s  _ heavy boots as he ran through the dark woods, his heart beating fast. He could still hear the dark knights around him, mocking him as he fled; a failure. His heavy armour weighed him down as he ran, his long gold and red cloak rippling behind him. _

_ “Swagger!” Toby’s screams rang through the knight’s head. “Swagger! Help me!” The knight tried to tell himself that was what he was doing, not retreating. He had to get the others. He had to find them. Movement ahead of him made the knight jump. He drew his sword as the figure reached him. Swagger swung his sword at the figure only for it to be blocked by the other knight’s sword.  _

_ “Swagger?” Jay pushed the visor of his helmet up, his dark cloak rippling in the cold wind. A raven called through the dark. Swagger heaved for air. He suddenly dropped his sword and pulled Jay into a tight hug.  _

_ After a moment, the two knights stepped apart.  _

_ “W-We have to-”  _

_ “What is that? _ Over there?” Swagger blinked as he followed Jay’s pointing hand to something moving through the trees by the river. The boy knight quickly hurried down the slope, the sound of rushing water swirling around him. Swagger reached the bank, the tree branches grabbing at the white sleeves of his letterman jacket. He came to a stop as Jay reached him. 

Down the bank a little ways, Mason threw rocks into the river, his cheeks stained with tears. There were grass stains on the knees of his dress pants, his tie fluttering over his shoulder as he threw another rock into the river. “Mason!” Swagger watched as Jay ran across the rocky shore towards the younger boy. Jay pulled him into a hug, surprising him. Mason quickly wrapped his arms around him. Jay’s shoulders trembled. “Don’t run away like that ever again!” Jay said. Mason nodded, mumbling a quiet promise not to do it again. After a few moments, Mason stepped away from the older boy, rubbing his eyes. Swagger started down the bank towards them. 

“Hey,” Swagger said softly as he reached them. “Are you okay, Mason?” The younger boy nodded. Swagger stared at him. Mason’s eyes were red from crying, his hair dishevelled. Swagger sighed as he sat down on the rocky bank. He motioned for Mason and Jay to join him. “What’s wrong?” Swagger asked as Mason sat down beside him. Jay sat down on the rocks beside Mason, his dark eyes watching him closely. Mason said nothing for a few moments, throwing another rock into the current. “Mason…” 

“Everybody is leaving me!” Mason suddenly said. A sob rattled him and more tears began to fall. Swagger wrapped his arm around Mason, letting him lean against his shoulder. “Today its Fitz and Matt and next year it’ll be you and everyone else and I’ll still be here...for two more fucking years!” Mason sobbed. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want Fitz and Matt to go! Why do you have to go?” Swagger wrapped his other arm around the younger boy, hugging him tightly. “I don’t want to be alone,” Mason sobbed against Swagger’s chest. Jay leaned his head against Mason’s shoulder, his eyes closed tightly.  The river rushed past the three boys. “Please don’t leave me…” 

“We would never leave you, Mason,” Swagger said, watching the river sparkle in the sunlight. “We’re right here with you and we always will be. Sure...We might go to far away places but we’ll always come back,” Swagger said, looking down at Mason who stared up at the knight, tears slipping down his cheeks. “I promise,” Swagger smiled sadly. “I know it hurts. I don’t want Fitz and Matt to go and I don’t want to go. But we have to. And one day, you’ll go too. And no matter where you go, we’ll always be right there with you. We’ll be a phone call away or maybe just down the street like we are now. I promise,” Swagger said, struggling to keep his voice from breaking. The knight took a deep breath. 

A few blocks away at the school, Fitz scanned the field for the knight and the two younger boys. He checked his watch. Matt gave him a reassuring smile from where he sat a few rows away from the tall boy. 

“And just think of all the moments we’ve had together and all the moments we will have in the future!” Swagger said, his gaze drifting up to the blue sky. “Think about it this way, Masey. Thirteen point eight billion years ago…The universe was created. Four point five billion years ago, Earth was created. All of that time and all of that space and here you are!” 

The valedictorian name was called and the tall boy began to make his way up to the stage, his graduation robe fluttering around him, his cue cards shaking in his hand as he climbed the steps. He reached the podium, gazing out at the people he had known for only a year. He could see Matt, Bee, Bordie, Toby and Anna. His eyes scanned the crowd. A teacher quietly told him he could begin speaking. Fitz looked up at the bright blue sky before taking a deep breath. 

“Here we are!” Swagger said, feeling tears in his eyes. “Right now! This very second that is a result of millions and millions of years. Let's not spend the moment that eternity has lead up mourning the past. Let's celebrate! You’re here! I’m here. Jay is here. And maybe in the next moment...things might be different but that doesn’t mean that in the moment after that we won’t be back together again,” Swagger smiled. Tears slipped down his cheeks. “We’re all meant to be here. Right now. The universe was created thirteen point eight billion years ago just so we can be sitting here right now. And I will never forget this moment,” Swagger’s voice broke. Mason hugged Swagger tightly. Swagger took a deep, shaking breath, grateful they couldn’t see the tears in his eyes under his helmet. 

The river rushed by, its current ceasely running over the rocks. Across the crystal blue river, stuck between a rock and piece of burnt scrap metal, a Polaroid photo fluttered in the summer breeze. 

“Shit! Fitz’s speech!” Jay suddenly said, his watch glinting in the light. Mason glanced between Jay and Swagger nervously. 

“He’s saying that now?” Mason asked, his eyes widening. Swagger ignored the younger boy as he got up. Jay hauled Mason to his feet. 

“Come on! We gotta move!” Swagger cried, leading the way back up the bank and through the woods. They ran towards the park, past the playground and to the road. Swagger heaved for air under his helmet as Mason passed him, his tie fluttering over his shoulder. Jay managed to keep pace with Swagger as the three boys ran down the road as fast as they could. They ran past Mason’s house, past the tree Fitz had crashed his car into, past memories and moments that had long ago faded, replaced with new memories and moments. 

They reached the school, sweaty and out of breath. Fitz’s voice through the speakers floated towards them on the early summer breeze. 

Neither of them noticed the astronaut standing by the gym door, it’s visor glinting in the sunlight. 

“I used to be scared of the dark. Thank you for holding my hand and leading me out of it. Thank you for showing me that the dark is full of stars, planets and moons. I’m ready to start exploring it,” Fitz smiled. “Like astronauts...We’ll face the dark unknown and find light in it. We’ll go further than we’ve ever gone before. Wherever you may go...Good luck out there!” 

With that, Fitz threw his hat into the air. The seniors cheered. Graduation caps flew into the air, their tassels glimmering in the sunlight. 

Swagger staggered to a stop as he watched the black caps fall back to the Earth. Jay let out a heavy sigh. Mason’s bottom lip wobbled. 

“We missed it…” Jay whispered. Swagger said nothing, his helmet glinting in the sunlight. He watched Fitz catch his cap and smile at the cheering students before walking down the steps, hugging Matt tightly. He saw the knight and the two boys through the crowd, a smile spreading on his face. The two tall boys hurried through the crowd towards them. Matt wrapped his arms around Mason, lifting the younger boy off his feet. 

"Where the hell were you, Mason?" Toby cried as he reached them.

"I was trying to find the astronaut..." Mason said quietly as Matt put him down. 

"What?" Jay laughed. Mason glanced at Swagger as he fiddled with his tie. 

"I thought...I thought that if I found the astronaut...maybe you guys wouldn't leave so soon," Mason said, his eyes on the grass. 

"Mason," Fitz's voice broke into a sob as he pulled him into a hug. Swagger winced, the sound of Fitz crying breaking his heart. Toby rubbed Fitz's shoulder. After a few moments, Mason stepped away, looking up at Fitz as he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his robe. "I-I'm okay... I'm okay," Fitz managed to say. "Did someone say something about getting milkshakes earlier?" He laughed.  Toby smiled and nodded. 

"Sweetheart! Your speech was beautiful!" Fitz's mother suddenly said as she reached the group of boys, pulling her son into a hug. Fitz's cheeks went red. "Let's get a photo with you and your friends!" She said, taking her Polaroid camera out of her purse. The group of misfits posed for the photo, bright smiles on their faces as the camera flashed. The photo was printed out of the camera a moment later, it's white border glowing in the sunlight. As the photo slowly came into view, the boys were already talking about what to do next, their laughter filling the warm summer air. 

In the photo, the six boys were frozen in that one moment forever, completely unaware of the future that lay ahead of them and the faraway places waiting for them. 


	12. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot of fun and I'm so excited about it!!! The next chapter is the last chapter of Modern Disbelief!!! Thank you all so so much for your love and support of this fic! It means the world!! <3 I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“You know what? This place is honestly not that bad,” Smitty said with a laugh as he looked around the small town’s park. Kids played on the playground and others carried inflatable tubes towards the river. Heat bugs sang from the trees and music blasted from car speakers. In the middle of the park, the group of misfits and their friends had set up a picnic blanket and all of them brought food. It was Matt’s idea to have a park BBQ and they invited Smitty, John, Ezra and Grizzy, not really expecting them to say yes but surprisingly, they did.

“Would you live here though? It is incredibly hard to get good weed,” Matt said, taking a sip from his orange soda. Smitty shook his head.

“Nah...Too quiet-“ he was drowned out by the sound of Mason screaming as Jay and John tackled him, trying to get the frisbee he had clutched in his hands.

Swagger watched them, a smile on his face. Bee lay on the blanket beside him, her head resting on his thigh. Every so often, she would open her eyes and smile up at the knight.

“What was that?” Matt asked, a smirk pulling at his lips. Smitty snorted.

“I think I’d like to move to the city,” Anna said. “There is so much to do and the food is so good!”

“Yeah it’s not bad,” Smitty shrugged.

“If you could go anywhere, where would you go?” Jay asked, grabbing a handful of chips from the bag Mason had brought.

“Hmm… Maybe…” Anna thought aloud. “Maybe Tokyo…”

“I’d wanna see New York,” Toby said, his eyes on the treeline. They went around the circle, talking about all the places they wanted to go. When their attention turned to Swagger, he found himself drawing a blank.

“Where do you want to go?” Ezra asked. Bordie had put a dandelion in his curly hair. Swagger glanced down at the little tattoo of Saturn on his left wrist. The wind rustled the big green leaves on the trees and tugged at the napkins.

“The moon,” Swagger said after a few moments of silence. Smitty laughed.

“Not surprised,” Toby smiled. Swagger shrugged. Bee smiled up at him.

“Is Fitz coming today?” Grizzy asked. Matt shook his head.

“He left last week for school. He’ll be back for a few weeks in August,” Matt said, pulling up a strand of grass.

“What are you doing now?” Smitty asked the older boy who shrugged.

“Haven’t figured it out yet. I don’t know if I’ll leave this place honestly. My dad wants me to help him with his business...And that would be the easiest thing to do. But who knows. Maybe I’ll be an English major just to piss him off,” Matt laughed. Swagger caught the flicker of sadness on Matt’s face. It was gone before anyone could say anything about it. Matt took a deep breath before turning away from the group, watching John throw the frisbee across the field to Mason who jumped as high as he could to catch it and threw it back before Jay could get it. Swagger’s gaze remained on Matt, his mind swirling.

“Hey…” Swagger was startled out of his thoughts by a gentle tap on the side on his helmet. He looked down at Bee who stared up at him, her hair spilling over his knee. “Where’d you go?” she asked quietly. Swagger shrugged.

“I just get lost in my head sometimes…” the knight murmured.

“What do you think about?”

“Nothing really,” Swagger laughed. “Just daydreaming,” he added. Bee stared up at him for a few moments before smiling. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the warm summer sunlight on her face.

“So I heard from Fitz that you have an astronaut wandering around your town?” Smitty asked, a smirk on his face.

“Yup,” Toby said as he laid down on the blanket, his hands under his head. Smitty laughed.

“Just fucking walking around?”

“Yeah,” Bordie laughed. “I want to name him after a planet. Jupiter or Saturn sounds pretty,” Bordie said, pulling at the grass.

“Please don’t name the astronaut, Bordie,” Matt laughed.

“Why not?”

“Cause it could actually be somebody with a real name,” Matt said.

“There’s no way that thing isn’t a mass hallucination or something like that,” Toby said. “It just appears and disappears. I think something is in our water.”

“You’re boring,” Bordie rolled her eyes. “I think it’s a real astronaut...He’s just lost.”

“When did it...show up?” Smitty asked.

“Last August we think. There was this big blue light one night and then a few months later, people started seeing the astronaut,” Matt explained.

“Weird,” Smitty said quietly, his dark eyes glancing up at the bright blue sky above them. As he lowered his gaze, the loud sound of a sports car’s engine rumbled through the park. The group of misfits watched black car drive slowly through the parking lot, the older boy in the passenger seat staring back at them with a vicious look on his face. Swagger remembered that boy from last summer. He had terrorized him all summer, trying to get his helmet off. He finally left him alone after Fitz had fought him but now Fitz was gone. Swagger quickly looked away from the car. “Who the fuck are those guys?” Smitty asked.

“Just some assholes,” Toby sighed. “They like to pick on Swagger a lot.”

“Oh...Fuck them,” Smitty said sharply.

They all nodded in agreement.

“Swagger!” Mason cried out as he ran towards the picnic blanket. Mason fell to the grass beside Swagger, the grass staining his knees. “Can we go look for the astronaut please?” Mason asked. Swagger glanced at the others, a smile pulling at his lips.

“Yeah sure,” Swagger smiled.

“I’ll come with you. Otherwise, I’m gonna fall asleep,” Toby said, getting up with Swagger.

“I want to see this mysterious astronaut too!” Smitty said with a smile as he got to his feet.

“There’s an astronaut?” John asked Matt as he sat down beside him.

“It’s a long story,” Matt said with a smirk.

Mason smiled as he led the way towards the river, the knight, Smitty, Toby and Jay following behind. Under the cover of the trees, the air was cooler and filled with the sound of the rushing river. Rays of sunlight filtered through the large green leaves and reflected off Swagger’s helmet. Once they reached the river, the knight knelt down, placing his hand in the cold water. He watched the water flow around his wrist, his tattoo of Saturn submerged in the clear river.

“Matt thinks the astronaut crashed in the woods on the other side of the river,” Mason explained to Smitty who nodded as he stared at the trees on the far river bank. “But there’s nothing but farmer’s fields over there. Most people don’t cross the river,” Mason said with a shrug.

“Are you going for a swim?” Smitty laughed.

“No,” Mason laughed. “It’d be better if we built a bridge somehow…”

“Like this,” Smitty said, bending down to pick up a rock. Mason watched as Smitty threw the rock into the river, water splashing high into the air.

“Watch it! You’ll hit somebody!” Toby called out. Mason ignored him, picking up a rock and throwing it just like Smitty had into the river. Swagger watched, a smile on his face. The warm sunlight washed over him. He closed his eyes, listening to the gurgle of the river and the birds chirping in the trees. Smitty threw another rock into the river.

“Look at this. Just a couple of freaks playing in the river,” a boy’s harsh voice called out. Swagger winced.

“The fuck? Leave us alone,” Smitty snapped back at the group of older boys as they walked down the bank toward them. Swagger opened his eyes and slowly stood up, meeting the gaze of the group’s leader. His dark eyes met Swagger’s.

His black leather coat glimmered like dragon scales in the summer sunlight.

“Remember what happened last time? We’ll kick the shit out of you again,” Swagger said as firmly as he could, his hands curling into fists.

“You didn’t do shit. Your tall ass friend did. And where is he at? Gone to uni? Must suck,” the boy said as he walked towards Swagger. The knight held his ground. “What he did to me last summer….you’re gonna fucking pay for!” The boy suddenly tackled Swagger to the rocky bank. The knight let out a cry of pain as he fell to the rocks, his helmet’s metallic ring as it hit the rock echoing through his ears. He gasped for the air that had been knocked from his lungs as he frantically hit at the older boy.

“Get off him!” Smitty ran at him only to be shoved to the bank by another boy. Mason picked up a rock and threw it at one of the boys who cried out angrily as it hit his arm. Mason went to grab another only to be tackled by the boy.

“Get off me!” Swagger screamed. He could feel the boy grabbing at his helmet.

A flash of silver caught his eye.

The boy had pulled a switchblade out of his pocket.

“Don’t ever mess with me again, freak!” the boy snarled, holding the blade in front of Swagger’s helmet. Swagger’s wide eyes stared through the slits in his helmet at the blade. “This’ll show you what-”

“Leave him alone!” Toby suddenly yelled as he reached for the boy.

The older boy suddenly turned, the sunlight glinting off his black coat.

The blade flashed.

Blood splattered to the rocks.

Silence fell over the river.

Toby had gone still, his eyes wide. He stared at the boy in shock. Slowly, the blonde boy looked down at his stomach.

A thin red line had begun to form on his shirt.

“O-Oh...fuck…” Toby gasped before suddenly falling to the rocks.

“Toby!” Swagger screamed. He threw the older boy off, quickly getting to his feet.

“I just wanted to scare you! I didn’t mean to actually-”

“Shut the fuck up!” The knight screamed at the bully. “Shut the fuck up right now!” He kicked the boy’s leg as hard as he could. “Get out of here now!” he screamed.

The boy got to his feet, dropping the blade as he ran back into the woods, his friends close behind.

“S-Shit…” Toby gasped in pain, blood seeping between his fingers. Smitty helped him sit up, pressing his hand against his wound.

“We have to get him to a hospital!” Smitty cried. Swagger nodded, panic setting in. “Mason go tell the others! Tell them to get help!”

“They won’t be fast enough. We have to move now!” Swagger cried. Toby let out a heaving gasp for air.

“Okay...Okay…” Smitty breathed. “Mason, go!” The younger boy nodded, sprinting into the woods. “I got his left arm, you get his right,” Smitty ordered. Swagger wrapped Toby’s right arm around his neck. Toby’s bloody hand gripped Swagger’s shoulder tightly. Slowly, they helped the blonde boy stand. Blood covered his shirt. “You’ll be okay...Come on,” Smitty said as they started up the bank. Toby heaved heavily for air, tears streaming down his cheeks. Blood dripped to the grass. “You’ll be okay,” Smitty kept repeating as they made it through the woods. As they broke through the treeline and stumbled into the park, Swagger’s gaze landed on his bike resting on the grass near the picnic blanket. The other misfits hurried towards them, their eyes wide. Smitty told them to back up.

“M-my bike,” Swagger said. “If Toby can sit, we can push him the way there!” Swagger cried. Smitty nodded.

“I think...I think I can do that,” Toby managed to gasp out. Mason ran to Swagger’s bike, picking it up off the grass. Toby held onto them tightly as he managed to get onto the bike, his bloody hands gripping the handlebars. Swagger took the right side and Smitty took the left. The two boys started pushing the bike down the path to the road. “P-Please hurry…” Toby gasped out, his knuckles white on the handlebars. The boy’s pace quickened.

Swagger’s shoes thudded onto the hot pavement. Sweat dripped down his neck under his helmet. He gripped the handlebar tightly as he ran. The knight heaved for air, _his chainmail weighing heavily over his shoulders. He stared up at the dark castle from the treeline, the golden handle of his sword glinting in the moonlight. His long gold and red cloak fluttered behind him in the cold wind._

_“You know this is a trap right? If we go in there, we’re all dead,” Matt said, his helmet held in his hands, his silver armour glinting in the dim light._

_“They got Toby, Matt!” Jay cried, his grip tightening on his bow. “We can’t abandon Toby.”_

_“He’s right,” Mason said, the wind playing with his green cloak. “We can’t abandon him, Matt.”_

_"But this is exactly where the dragon knight wants us. In his castle. Dead,” Matt said sharply. A branch cracked behind him. The knights turned._

_“Why are you quick to assume we’ll die?” Bordie asked, her silver armour catching the light, her long black cloak dragging across the forest floor._

_“Cause he’s a coward,” Smitty said as he lifted the visor of his helmet._

_“Strong word,” John said with a smirk, his white cloak rippling in the cold breeze like smoke._

_“Fitz has gone for reinforcements, right?” Ezra asked. Matt nodded._

_“Then this is no problem,” Grizzy said with a smile, his heavy bear fur cloak resting over his shoulders._

_“Toby wouldn’t abandon you, Matt,” Bee said. The bumblebees engraved on her gauntlets glinted in the moonlight; the sharp spikes like bee stingers on her knuckles catching Swagger’s eye._

_“Shouldn’t we wait for Fitz and reinforcements? We’re ten against god knows how many. We’ll die,” Matt cried. “Come on, think. This is a trap!” They all stared at him._

_“We aren’t saying it isn’t…” Swagger said quietly. Matt sighed, his shoulders falling. “But we can’t leave him...I saw them take him. I’ve already wasted enough time. I’m going. You are welcome to stay here and wait for Fitz,” Swagger said. He glanced at the others before turning towards the castle, walking out into the open field. The hem of his cloak brushed across the frost covered grass. The knight drew his sword, the metal shining in the moonlight._

_Jay glanced at the others before drawing an arrow from the quiver on his back and walking out into the field after Swagger as he notched the arrow into his bow. Mason hurried after him, his green cloak swirling around him as he ran. One by one, the other knights followed. Matt met Bordie’s gaze as she walked up to him._

_“Come on. If we die, let's die together,” Bordie smiled. Matt sighed and nodded. They followed Swagger’s lead up the path, right up to the front gate that stood open, waiting for them. It’s dark steel spikes reached for the heavens. Swagger stared up at the spikes. Silence hung heavy over the castle. Petals from a cherry tree inside the courtyard blew across the stone path._

_“Are they just going to let us walk in?” John asked quietly, lowering the visor of his helmet._

_“Yes...they are,” Swagger said. “They are waiting further inside…” Their gaze followed his to the looming castle doors on the other side of the sprawling courtyard. “I’ll go first…” Swagger breathed._

_“I’m coming with you,” Matt suddenly said. Swagger looked up at the taller knight then slowly nodded. Matt drew his sword and the two knights slowly made their way into the courtyard, their cloaks drifting over the stones and cherry petals. The smell of smoke and charred flesh hung heavy in the air. Swagger’s dark gaze scanned the courtyard. The only sound was their footsteps on the stone. They stopped in the centre of the circular courtyard, their eyes locked onto the castle doors. Matt glanced over his shoulder at the other knights who quickly made their way towards them._

_“Where is everyone?” Smitty whispered._

_Swagger slowly raised his hand, pointing an armoured finger at the castle doors. The knights watched in horror as the iron handles began to turn, a loud creaking filling the dark night air. Swagger’s heart raced. He gripped his sword with both hands._

_The doors began to open._

_“Stand your ground!” Matt yelled at the other knights who drew their weapons, their eyes piercing through the slits in their helmets at the doors. Swagger took a deep breath; praying that it wouldn’t be his last._

_The doors flew open._

_A mob of black, shadowy knights burst from the doors, sprinting towards the silver knights._

_Swagger let out a scream as he ran at them, his sword blocking a heavy blow from one of the dark knights. He forced the knight back, swinging his sword at its throat. The knight burst into smoke as the silver knight turned to block another blow._

_Across the courtyard, Smitty ducked under a dark sword and slashed his against the back of a dark knight’s legs. The knight fell as Smitty rose to his feet, slashing at another knight._

_Jay fired an arrow at one of the knights, sending it exploding into smoke. Another dark knight ran at him. Jay clenched his jaw and hit the knight with his bow, drawing his dagger from his belt before stabbing it into the knight’s neck. Black smoke rippled around him._

_Mason spun across the stone, his sword glinting in the moonlight as he slashed wildly at the dark knights around him. He let out a scream as he stabbed one of the knights._

_Nearby, Bee grit her teeth as she swung her sword at one of the knights. It struck the knight’s shoulder; its inhuman scream getting lost in the chaos. Bee punched the knight as hard as she could, the spikes on her gauntlet ripping through its helmet. She punched it again, her hand disappearing into the black smoke._

_“Watch out!” Bordie screamed as she leapt through the air, bringing her sword down on hard on a knight who reached for Bee. She spun, her gold cloak rippling around her as she watched Bordie slice through the knight with a flurry of sparks and black smoke._

_Matt stumbled past them, dodging out of the way of a dark knight’s sword. The tall knight blocked the dark knight’s second blow, the ringing sound of metal against metal ringing through the cold air. He shoved the dark knight back, his sword slicing through the air and connecting with the knight. He didn’t have time to watch it burst into smoke as he turned, watching John kick one of the dark knights back, his white cloak rippling around him as he swung his sword at the dark knight. The dark knight blocked it and swung again at John who fell back to the hard stone floor of the courtyard. The dark knight raised its sword._

_Movement caught its eye._

_The dark knight turned as Grizzy suddenly tackled the knight off John, stabbing the knight with his sword as they fell to the ground. Black smoke swirled around Grizzy, sticking to the fur of his cloak. John scrambled to his feet as Ezra helped Grizzy up, the two knights quickly joining the fray once more. Ezra’s long sword connected with a dark knight's sword, the scraping sound of metal filling the air._

_Swagger slashed through one of the smoky knights as his gaze landed on the open doors. He glanced quickly at the others before breaking into a sprint towards the heavy doors._

_“Swagger!” Matt yelled. “Wait!” The knight didn’t listen as he disappeared inside the dark castle. Matt couldn’t follow, caught up in blocking another blow from a dark knight. He let out a cry of anger as he swung at the knight. Black smoke clouded the air, threatening to choke them all._

_Inside the castle, Swagger could barely see through the dark. The sounds of battle in the courtyard became faint. Swagger’s chest rose and fell heavily, his grip tight on his sword. His chainmail scraped against his armour, making him wince at the noise. His red and gold cloak swept across the black stone floor. The smell of burning flesh was stronger in here. He felt sick. He glanced down corridors and into rooms, but there was no sign of Toby._

_Movement behind him made him turn, his sword raised. He blocked the sword of the dark knight, sparks flying between the blades. Swagger spun as the dark knight lunged at him, his own sword lashing out at the dark knight’s neck. The knight burst into black smoke._

_“No!” a scream from upstairs echoed down to Swagger who looked up at the stairs. The silver knight broke into a run, the gold cross on his helmet glinting in the candlelight._

_Outside, more dark knights swarmed the courtyard. Jay fired an arrow at one of them, smoke exploding into the air. Jay pulled another arrow from his quiver, stabbing it into a dark knight who ran at him before turning again as he notched the arrow, firing it at another knight. Behind him, Smitty staggered backwards, nearly tripping over his red and white cloak as he dodged the sword of the dark knight. He swung his blade through the cold air, striking the dark knight who burst into smoke only to be attacked by another._

_“There’s too many!” Smitty screamed at Matt who fought with a knight a few feet away from him. Matt struck the dark knight down, smoke billowing around him as he glanced nervously at the others. Grizzy and Ezra fought back to back, slashing at knights who ran at them. Bee ducked under a sword and slashed at a dark knight only to be grabbed by another. Bordie stabbed her sword through the knight’s neck, sending Bee falling to the stone floor as the knight burst into smoke. Mason swung wildly at the knights around him, his back nearly against the wall. “We can’t kill them all! Matt! Fitz isn't going to make it in time!” Smitty yelled. “Matt, what do we do?”  Matt couldn’t answer him, his eyes on the heavy castle doors. “Matt!”_

_Swagger reached the top of the stairs, his sword slicing through the air at a dark knight who ran at him. The knight burst into smoke as Swagger ran past, the smoke clinging to the velvet of his cloak. He heard the scream again. His heart hurt. The silver knight followed the painful sound to a closed door at the end of the corridor. Without hesitation, Swagger kicked open the door._

_Sitting on the cold floor by the window, Toby flinched away from the door. His face was bloody, tears streaking through the blood on his cheeks. Swagger ran to him, dropping his sword on the floor as he pulled Toby into a tight hug. Toby clung to Swagger, his shoulders shaking with sobs._

_“I got you….I’m here,” Swagger said softly, his arms wrapped tightly around Toby. His purple cloak was in tatters, his armour dented and splattered with blood and mud. Moonlight shone through the window, washing over to the two silver knights._

_"T-Thank you...for saving me..." Toby managed to say, his voice breathless. Swagger nodded, his grip tightening around the knight._

_After a few moments, Swagger moved away from the hug. He picked up his sword and helped Toby get to his feet. Toby’s gaze flickered to the doorway. His eyes widened. Swagger turned, his grip tightening on his sword._

_Standing in the doorway was a tall knight in all black armour decorated with scales like a dragon’s. Smoke oozed through the dragon knight's helmet. The dragon knight smiled, his dark gaze locked on Swagger._

_“You killed my pet,” the dragon knight said sharply. Swagger took a deep breath, remembering the feeling of jumping from Fitz’s shield and flying through the air, his sword raised, the dragon bearing its sharp teeth at him._

_“And I’ll kill you too,” Swagger snarled. The dragon knight laughed._

_“Swagger…” Toby warned. The silver knight ignored him. Swagger let out a cry as he suddenly charged at the dragon knight. Toby stumbled back against the wall, watching with wide eyes as Swagger swung his sword at the knight only for it to be blocked. The dragon knight suddenly kicked Swagger, sending him crashing to the floor. Swagger cried out in pain. He managed to roll in time to avoid a blow from the dragon knight’s sword. The dragon knight suddenly grabbed Swagger, hauling him to his feet. He hit him, nearly throwing his helmet off. Blood seeped from Swagger’s nose as he staggered back from the knight. Dazed, Swagger swung his sword again at the dragon knight only for it to be blocked. The dragon knight laughed, smoke billowing from his helmet. Another kick sent him to the floor again. Swagger’s ears rang, his head hurt, his heart beat faster than it had before. He gasped for air as he struggled to roll onto his stomach, reaching for his fallen sword. The dragon knight kicked it away before suddenly hauling Swagger to his feet and shoved him against the window sill. Down below, Swagger could see the courtyard and the hundreds of dark knights that filled it, all of them attacking the silver knights who were slowly becoming more and more exhausted._

_“They can’t kill them all...All it takes it just…” a dark knight hit Jay’s back with the hilt of its sword sending Jay falling hard to the stone floor. Nearby, Smitty narrowly dodged a dark knight's sword only for his side to be slashed by another. Smitty cried out as he fell to the courtyard's floor, managing to land on both hands. Blood dripped to the stones. John ran towards him, his eyes filled with anger as he struck at a dark knight with his sword. He screamed for Smitty, reaching towards him but a dark knight grabbed him, pulling him away from the red and white knight. “One…” Another dark knight slashed at Matt’s arm, blood splattering onto the stones as Matt fell to one knee. Grizzy lunged at the knight who had hit Matt, the knight bursting into smoke only for another to take its place. The knight shoved Girzzy back, slashing wildly at him with its sword. Grizzy turned, seeing Ezra fall to the stones, his black and grey cloak fluttering around him as he struggled to roll out of the way of another strike from a dark knight. “Hit….” the dragon knight whispered as Swagger watched a dark knight knock Mason to the ground, the boy knight disappearing in the black smoke as another knight hit Bee, knocking her helmet off as she fell hard to the ground, blood seeping from her nose. Bordie screamed as she struck the knight, smoke exploding around her as another dark knight lunged at her._

_Swagger grit his teeth and rammed his heel into the dragon knight’s knee. The knight let go of him, staggering backwards. Swagger spun around, grabbing his sword as a loud cry rose up from the courtyard. Swagger lunged at the dragon knight, his sword flashing in the moonlight. The dragon knight blocked the blow, then the second then the third before suddenly hitting Swagger’s sword out of his hand. Swagger’s eyes widened. The dragon knight swung his sword at the silver knight who fell backwards, landing hard on the stone floor._

_“Swagger!” Toby screamed._

_The dragon knight pinned the silver knight to the floor, his blade pressed against Swagger’s throat. The silver knight struggled against him but it was no use. Swagger closed his eyes._

_They were all dead._

_Toby raised his gaze to the door._

_Moonlight reflected off the dragon knight’s blade as he raised it above Swagger's throat._

_Gold flashed through the air._

_Swagger flinched as a sudden force threw the dragon knight off him._

_Slowly, he opened his eyes._

_Fitz stood over him, his shield raised, his chest rising and falling heavily._

_He smiled under his gold helmet._

_Swagger quickly got to his feet, grabbing his fallen sword as Fitz tossed Toby his sword before drawing his own. Fitz backed up towards the door while Swagger stood his ground by the window. Toby stood by the far wall, his sword gripped tightly in his bloody hands. The dragon knight laughed as he slowly got to his feet, looking at the three knights who stood around him._

_“You can’t kill me. I’ve been here since long before you were born and I’ll be here long after you are dead!” the dragon knight screamed at them, black smoke billowing from the slits in his helmet. Swagger glanced at Toby and Fitz who slowly nodded. The dragon knight let out another scream as he suddenly lunged at Swagger who dodged out of the way of his sword as he broke into a run.  Toby lunged at the dragon knight, slashing the back of his leg with his sword. The dragon knight let out a furious cry as he fell to the floor, his dark gaze locked on Toby who smiled at him. Fitz dropped to one knee, raising his shield. Swagger jumped, landing on the shield as Fitz suddenly propelled him into the air. Swagger turned in the air, his sword raised above his head. The dragon knight looked up at him, his dark eyes wide._

_Swagger brought the sword down on the dragon knight. Thick black smoke exploded around him as Swagger landed hard on one knee, his gaze on the stone floor. Dragon scales fell around him as Fitz's reinforcements rushed into the courtyard, their battle cries rising into the night air. Heaving for air, Swagger slowly raised his head_ , looking around the quiet hospital waiting room, his knight’s helmet glinting in the white light. Sitting in the chair beside him, Smitty was half asleep. Swagger glanced to his right, seeing Matt, Jay and Mason in the other chairs. Matt glanced up at Swagger from the book he was reading and gave him a reassuring smile. Mason leaned his head against Jay’s shoulder, Jay’s head against Mason’s, their eyes closed. Swagger sighed, leaning back in his chair. He closed his eyes, hoping he could find that far away, fantastical world again.  

The doors to the emergency room opened. Swagger opened his eyes. Behind his mom, Toby walked into the waiting room, a smile on his face. Swagger smacked Smitty’s arm as he got up. The older boy blinked a few times as he woke up, looking around with a confused expression for a few moments before he noticed Toby.

“How are you feeling?” Matt asked. Toby shrugged.

“I’m not bleeding anymore so better,” Toby laughed. “Look at my stitches!” he said, pulling up his shirt. The boys cried out in disgust and looked away. Toby laughed. Swagger wrapped his arms around Toby gently. Toby smiled, leaning his head against Swagger’s helmet. “Thank you for saving me…”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of MD!!! Thank you all so much for your love and support of this story! It means so much to me. This story has been so much fun to write and it's so magical to me. I'm sad to see it end but I think this ending is beautiful and I hope you guys enjoy it!!<3 Thank you all so much for the love!! I'll be back again soon with a new update for Amber and the villains au series!!!

Warm summer sunlight floated through the green leaves that hung over the quiet suburban street. Identical houses looked out at the street with their tall windows, the only thing differentiating them was the way their inhabitants had turned them into homes. These houses had stood here long before their current owners had lived them in and they would stand long after they were gone. Laughter from children running through a sprinkler in one of the identical front yards echoed across the street. Birds sang in the trees and the smell of fresh cut grass filled the air. Overhead the sky was painted the brightest of blues. There wasn’t a single cloud to be seen. 

Pedalling down the street, the sunlight reflecting off the gold of his helmet, Swagger stared up at the sky through leaves. He had biked this way so many times that he could do it while lost in space; his head filled with daydreams of knights and dragons, of astronauts and stars. His hands gripped the handlebars loosely, his feet pedalling lazily, his bike coasting down the road. 

He was in no rush. 

“Hey, Swagger!” Fitz’s voice had drifted from the answering machine that morning, filling the living room. Swagger had rushed down the stairs, tightening one of the straps of his overalls as he ran into the living room only for the phone to stop ringing as he reached it. “I don’t know if my mom told you but I left a box of stuff at my place and you are welcome to have anything in it. I’ll be in town around six tonight and we should grab dinner! I’ll pick you up at your place. Okay, I gotta go now. See you later!” Fitz had said before hanging up. Swagger had stared at the answering machine, a smile pulling at his lips under his helmet and a butterfly dancing in his stomach. 

Now, as he reached the newer suburbs, his bike wheels flashing in the sunlight, the wind pulling at the loose sleeves of his blue and white striped t-shirt under his overalls, his knight helmet glinting in the light, his mind began to come back down from space. He thought about Fitz coming back and all the things they’d do before he left again. 

Swagger had spent July and the first week of August with Mason, Jay and Toby; going to the mall, playing video games in Jay’s basement, swimming at the river and lake, and going to the movies on stormy days. Matt had started working at his dad’s job, spending most of his time there during the last few weeks. 

“I’m saving up,” Matt had said to Swagger when he stopped by the shop one day. They sat by the back door, drinking sodas and listening to the heat bugs sing. The knight had wanted to tell the older boy that he wasn’t trapped here but Matt had smiled before he could say anything. “Don’t worry Swags,” Matt said softly. “I’m happy.” 

Swagger turned the corner onto Fitz’s street, passing by houses that all looked the same. He reached Fitz’s house, getting off his bike and leaving it by the garage before hurrying up the path to the front door. He knocked politely and Fitz’s mother answered the door. She smiled at the boy knight and let him in. 

“Fitz told me you’d be coming by. He said the box he left is in his room. Let me know if you need anything. There is lemonade in the fridge,” she said before walking back into the living room. Inside the house it was cold, the air conditioner working hard to keep the late summer heat out. Swagger fought back a shiver.

“Thank you,” Swagger called out to her before heading upstairs. It felt strange to be in Fitz’s house without him there. Pictures of the tall boy from when he was younger hung on the walls in the stairwell. At the top of the stairs was a laundry basket of folded clothes. Swagger glanced down the empty the hallway before awkwardly stepping into Fitz’s room; the door left open for him. 

The knight glanced around the room. All of the posters had been taken down, the closet emptied and the desk cleared save for the small TV. The blinds that covered the window near the bed were open, the warm summer light filling the room. Swagger remembered sleeping over in this room many times, remembered waking up on that cold October morning the first time he slept over, all of his friends still asleep around him. He remembered spending afternoons with Fitz in here, watching movies and playing video games on his TV. 

All of those moments were memories now. 

Swagger sighed as he made his way across the room to the desk where the cardboard box waited. He picked it up and set it down on the floor carefully. The knight sat down on the rug beside the box, opening it. There were a few old t-shirts, some books that Swagger remembered telling Fitz that he wanted to read, a couple of action figures for Mason and a small decorated box at the very bottom. Swagger glanced at the door before slowly picking up the small box. Swagger’s name was written on the lid in Fitz’s handwriting. 

Slowly, he took the lid off. 

Inside the small box was the polaroid photo Fitz’s mother had taken at the graduation ceremony of the misfit boys. Swagger felt tears in his eyes as he picked up the photo. They all looked so happy. He set the photo down, his gaze landing on a sticky note attached to a VCR tape. 

“I know you missed my speech. It’s okay. My mom recorded it. It’s on the tape if you want to watch it. It would mean a lot to me if you heard what I said…” Fitz’s words sprawled across the sticky note.

Swagger silently got up and closed the bedroom door before sitting down at the desk. He turned on the small TV before pushing the VCR tape into the player. The grey, fuzzy blur suddenly disappeared, and Fitz appeared on the screen, the June breeze tugging at his graduation robe, the tassel on his cap dancing by his ear. He looked nervous, his gaze finding his mom’s in the crowd. Fitz took a deep breath. “I’d like to begin by saying thank you for electing me as your valedictorian. I know that I’ve only been here for one year but this one year has changed my life. When I first moved here, I felt alone. I felt sad. I thought that the only good life for me was in the city and I wanted nothing more than to go back there. My mom knows this, we’ve argued about it on several occasions,” Fitz paused, glancing up from his notes to the crowd. Swagger felt sad as he watched him; Fitz was searching the crowd for the three younger boys, for the knight. “I didn’t know what to do. I was conflicted to say the least. Then at the end of last summer, I met my best friend. At first, I thought his helmet was strange too but then I got to know him and I understood. We all wear masks and knight's helmets to hide ourselves, to protect ourselves. I only wish that I had understood this and realized just how tight my own mask was sooner,” Fitz paused again, taking a deep breath as he looked down at his cards. “As you probably know, I was in a car accident last December. It had happened because I was angry, I was upset and hurting and I didn’t know how to tell people. I just ended up hurting my friends and myself. Even after that, I still didn’t realize how tight this mask I was hiding behind was. And then in January, I finally realized just how much pain I was causing and I nearly lost my best friend. It was only then that I finally understood why he wears his helmet, why he is so kind, why he loves so much. I think the world would be a better place if we were all more like him. He told me that thirteen point eight billion years ago the universe was created. Four point five billion years ago, Earth was created. If all of existence was one hour, humans have only been around for the last four seconds...Now that may sound depressing but I think it’s beautiful. Everything has lead up to this moment. We’re meant to be here. We’re meant to travel to far unknown places, fall in love, meant to live right here, right now. Soon this year, this moment will be a memory. Memories will always be with us, wherever we go. I’m so grateful for the memories I have of this town and the people I’ve grown to love. Even the moments that hurt I am grateful for because they shaped the person you see standing in front of you. Every moment matters. As we move forward from this chapter in our lives and face the unknown before us, let's remove our masks. Let's show the world who we really are and embrace every moment like it's our last,” Fitz paused, his gaze flickering up to the edge of the field. A smile pulled at his lips. “There is something magical about this town…” he said quietly, his eyes still on the back of the field. Swagger’s brow furrowed. 

What was he looking at? 

Fitz cleared his throat, looking down at his notes. “I want to say thank you to all of you for welcoming me to your town and choosing me to represent our class.  I want to say thank you for all of the memories you’ve given me. I know that we are going to go far! I want to say thank you to my best friend. I used to be scared of the dark. Thank you for holding my hand and leading me out of it. Thank you for showing me that the dark is full of stars, planets and moons. I’m ready to start exploring it,” Fitz smiled. “Like astronauts...We’ll face the dark unknown and find light in it. We’ll go further than we’ve ever gone before. Wherever you may go...Good luck out there!” The tape ended as Fitz threw his cap into the air. 

Silence fell over the bedroom. 

Tears slipped down Swagger’s cheeks. Children’s voices from the street outside floated up to the open window. Swagger looked down at the photo in his hand from that day. He smiled as he remembered that moment. 

After a few moments of silence, Swagger took the VCR tape out of the player, putting it back into the box with the photo. He packed up the rest of the memories into the box and left the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him. 

 

“And then Mason goes and takes the fucking magazine and throws it back under the bed and goes ‘nothing, Mrs Toby’s Mom’!” Toby howled with laughter, nearly choking on his milkshake. Swagger watched him from where he sat across the table, the straw of his shake stuck through one of the holes in his helmet. His friend’s around the large diner table laughed at Toby’s story. Sitting across from Swagger, Fitz glanced at Swagger, a smile on his face. He didn’t have to see it to know that Swagger smiled back. 

“What’s university like?” Bordie asked, turning in her chair to look at Fitz who shrugged. 

“I haven’t really started it yet, just been getting settled,” Fitz said glancing around the table the misfits. “If I'm being honest, I got a little homesick,” Fitz laughed. 

“Homesick? Nah, come on,” Matt said with a smirk. “What is there to miss about this shitty little town?” 

“The food really isn’t that great,” Toby said. 

“And there is nothing to do,” Mason sighed dramatically. 

“Yeah you guys just end up hanging out in my basement,” Jay laughed. 

“Or here,” Bee smiled, taking a sip from her chocolate shake. “And there must be cute girls at your school too,” she added with a giggle. Fitz smiled, shaking his head.

“I-I don’t know about that,” Fitz laughed. He glanced down at the table, his smiling falling. “I missed you guys.”

“You’re gonna make me cry!” Toby whined. Mason leaned his head against Fitz’s shoulder. The taller boy smiled, leaning his head against Mason’s for a moment before moving away, glancing at Swagger again. 

“We missed you too,” Swagger said softly. The others nodded. “You had better come back for Christmas break.” 

“I will. Every chance I get. I promise!” Fitz said. Swagger smiled but he knew that promise would never be kept. Eventually, life and all of its twists and turns would get in the way and Fitz would one day leave this town and never come back but so would all of the other teenagers sitting around the table, patiently waiting for life to lead them away. 

Their conversation turned to movies, games and other stories from the past month. They told Fitz about their fight with the bully and Toby’s scar which he proudly showed off despite the protests from the others. Fitz told them more about what university was like and that they had to come visit. Eventually, dinner and then dessert was finished and bills were paid. 

The group of misfits headed out of the diner, their eyes drifting up to the star-filled night sky. The full moon shone over the town. 

“I’ve never seen so many stars like this before…” Fitz whispered. 

“It’s beautiful,” Bee said softly. Swagger watched her, seeing stars dance in her eyes. She lowered her gaze to meet his and smiled. 

“Bee and I are going to the movies if you want to come with us,” Bordie said. 

“Which one are you seeing?” Toby asked. 

“That new action one with all the guys in tight suits,” Bordie smirked. 

“I’ll come with you, sounds like fun,” Toby smiled. 

“Anybody else?” Bee asked. 

“Nah, I just got a new game and I want to try it,” Mason said. Jay nodded. Fitz glanced at Swagger who shrugged. 

“I’m kinda tired,” Fitz said. “I’ve been driving most of the day.” 

“Alright, well get your rest,” Bordie said, giving Fitz a hug. “It was great to see you again. We’ll see you soon?” 

“Yeah,” Fitz nodded. 

“Bye!” Bordie called out as she started down the sidewalk. 

“See you later,” Toby smiled, following after her. 

“See you,” Bee smiled at Fitz and Swagger walked past, catching up with Toby and Bordie. Their voices faded into the night. 

“I got to go bed. I have work tomorrow,” Matt yawned. “I’ll catch ya later,” Matt said, giving Fitz a hug before he too started walking away, disappearing around the corner. 

“We’re gonna get going too,” Jay said. He looked up at Fitz with a smile. 

“We’re really happy you’re back,” Mason said. “Even if it is just for a little bit,” he and Jay hugged Fitz quickly before the two boys turned and hurried down the sidewalk, already talking about the game. Swagger watched them go, slowly realizing he was now alone with Fitz. He turned to look up at Fitz. 

“I can drive you home if you want or…” 

“Or…?” 

“We could go for a drive or something?” 

“You aren’t going to crash into any trees?” Swagger couldn’t help himself from saying the joke. 

“As long as there aren't any astronauts in the middle of the road,” Fitz smiled.  

“A drive sounds nice," Swagger said softly. Fitz smiled. The two boys crossed the street and headed to Fitz’s car parked down the street. His suitcase was still in the backseat. Swagger got into the front passenger seat, feeling butterflies in his stomach again. Fitz started the car and put on some music, rolling his window down to feel the August night air. The car pulled away from the curb and started down the road. Swagger rolled his window down, closing his eyes as he let his hand hang out of the window, feeling the cool summer night air through his fingers. Fitz quietly sang along to the music playing. 

Everything felt perfect. 

Swagger hoped he’d remember this moment forever; remember the way the cool summer wind felt, the smell of clean night air, the sound of Fitz’s voice and the music, the night sky above them full of stars and a bright, beautiful moon. 

They drove around the town, down streets Swagger had known his whole life. Past houses and shops he had known his whole life. Fitz had known them for only a fraction of his. 

After a while, the car pulled into the park’s parking lot and the two boys got out. Fitz grabbed the four pack of beers he had bought earlier and they sat on the front hood of the car, looking up at the stars. 

“Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I hadn’t met you guys…” Fitz said quietly, taking a sip from his beer. 

“It probably would have been a much different year,” Swagger said, his eyes on the stars. “I uh...I watched your speech today.” Fitz turned his head, meeting Swagger’s gaze. “It was great,” Swagger said softly, feeling tears in his eyes. 

“I thought a lot about what you said to me...about time and our lives. I’m really happy that I got to spend so many moments with you,” Fitz said. Swagger smiled. 

“Me too,” the knight said. He turned his gaze back up to the stars. “I noticed...during your speech that you were looking at something and you said that this town is magical...what did you see?” Swagger asked quietly. Fitz took another sip from his drink before answering. 

“The astronaut,” Fitz said quietly. “It looked like it was listening to my speech…” Fitz glanced up at the stairs. “I hadn’t seen it since the crash. I remember seeing it for the first time. I couldn’t see the astronaut’s face...but something about it...the way it tried to get out of the way. It’s like it knew what was going to happen,” Fitz breathed. He glanced down at Swagger who stared up at him. “That sounds stupid,” Fitz laughed. 

“No, I believe you,” Swagger said, reaching for Fitz’s hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. Fitz’s eyes lowered to his hand in Swagger’s. 

“I want to apologize for what I did at Jay’s sleepover...in April,” Fitz said softly. Swagger shook his head. 

“You don’t have to say sorry,” Swagger said. “I understand. It was just-” 

“I’m sorry for running away. I shouldn’t have run away,” Fitz said, meeting Swagger’s gaze through his helmet. The white moonlight shone down over them, the stars dancing overhead in the night sky. Swagger’s breath caught in his throat. “I don’t want to run away anymore.” Fitz’s hand tightened around Swagger’s. 

“Fitz… I-I don’t...I don’t know…” 

“You don’t have to do anything. I’m okay with just sitting here with you,” Fitz said softly. After a moment, Swagger let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and looked up at Fitz who smiled at him. 

“Me too,” the knight breathed, his fingers entwining with the tall boy's. 

A blue light dancing through the trees caught Swagger’s eye. 

The knight turned away from the tall boy, staring at the blue light. 

“What is that?” Fitz breathed. 

The blue light became brighter. 

Swagger’s eyes widened. 

Before Fitz could say anything, Swagger had jumped down from the car hood, his beer spilling to the gravel as he started running across the field towards the trees. “Swagger!” Fitz yelled. “Swagger!” The tall boy threw down his beer and ran after the knight. “Swagger!” 

The knight pushed past the branches, watching the blue light swirl through the trees. He kept running, his eyes locked on the light. 

Fitz stumbled into the woods, looking desperately for the knight. He turned, seeing the blue light through the trees. He took a deep breath and hurried after it. 

Swagger heaved for air, his helmet weighing him down. The gold cross shone in the blue glow. He didn’t hear Fitz calling out to him. 

Swagger suddenly broke through the treeline, stumbling onto the river bank. 

Across the river, an old Polaroid photo caught between a piece of scrap metal and a rock fluttered in the summer breeze. Swagger stared at the photo, his brow furrowing with confusion. 

Movement out of the corner of his eye made him freeze. 

Slowly, Swagger turned.

The knight came face to face with the astronaut. 

Swagger heaved for air, his heart beating fast. 

Fitz stumbled through the dark woods after the blue light. “Swagger!” he called out into the dark. “Swagger!” 

The knight and the astronaut stared at each other from under their helmets. 

“Who are you?” Swagger managed to ask. The astronaut said nothing. Overhead, the stars twinkled in the dark night sky. The breeze rustled the trees. 

The air felt electric. 

“Swagger!” Fitz’s voice echoed through the woods.  Fitz reached the bank, stopping at the treeline as he fell against a tree, gripping the bark tightly as he stared at the astronaut with wide eyes. 

“I keep seeing you...Why?” Swagger breathed. “Who are you?” 

The astronaut slowly raised its bare left hand. Swagger’s eyes drifted down to the faded tattoo on its wrist. His eyes began to widen, his breath catching in his throat as he lowered his gaze to the tattoo of Saturn on his own left wrist. Swagger raised his gaze, his hands shaking. 

The astronaut lifted his visor. 

The knight stared at the astronaut who smiled at him. 

"Who are you?" the astronaut asked. 

Slowly, Swagger raised his hands to his helmet. 


	14. Epilogue: August, 15 Years Later

The vast darkness of space stretched out as far as the eye could see on the other side of the thick glass window off the space station. In the distance, stars and planets glowed dimly in the dark.

The space station suddenly shook violently, the glass trembling in it's frame. 

A red light flashed. 

“The station is within seven miles of S-100,” a robotic voice called out. As the space station slowly drifted through space, the swirling mass of a wormhole in the distance came into view. “You must evacuate.” 

“I know!” the astronaut cried as he ran past the window, his heavy suit weighing him down as he ran through the space station. He ran past the station’s name painted with bright red block letters on the silver wall; Saturn-100. 

He turned the corner, the escape pods at the end of the long white hallway. The red light flashed and a siren wailed. “Wait!” he suddenly cried to no one but the A.I. who had become his companion on this mission. The astronaut suddenly turned, sprinting back down the hallway towards his bedroom. 

“You must evacuate now!” the robotic voice called out again. 

“I can’t leave it, Fitz!” the astronaut yelled at the A.I. 

"Why did you name the A.I. Fitz?" one his crewmates had asked. The astronaut had smiled. 

"Fitz is a close friend back home. We've known each other since we were kids," the astronaut said, a sad smile on his face. "I miss him a lot." 

A shudder rippling through the station brought the astronaut back to the present. He reached the bedroom, hurrying to his bedside table and grabbing the polaroid photo resting against the lamp.

The station lurched violently, throwing the astronaut to the floor. He let out a cry of pain, the air knocked from his lungs. “S-Shit…” the astronaut groaned. 

“T-minus five minutes till impact with S-100. Evacuate now,” the A.I. named Fitz called out. The astronaut pushed himself to his feet, his white boots thudding heavily against the white floor. 

The station lurched again. 

He winced, cursing the wormhole. Of course this happened the one week he was alone, waiting for the next group to arrive so he could go home and rest. 

No one expected the wormhole's pull to get stronger. 

“What’s your mission?” his old friend, Matt had asked when they met up for lunch one day in the city. Matt had arrived dressed in a suit, his expensive watch glinting in the light. 

“I can’t say, top secret.” 

“Aw come on! I won’t tell!” 

“Alright,” he had leaned close to his friend across the table. “We’re monitoring a wormhole. I’ve named it Mason. It’s just as unpredictable as he is,” the astronaut had laughed. 

The astronaut managed to make his way down the hallway, breathing hard as he struggled to stay on his feet as the station shook again. 

“T-minus four minutes till-”

“I get it!” the astronaut cried. He clutched the photograph tightly in his gloved hand. He turned the corner, reaching the escape pods. He punched in the code he had prayed he’d never have to use. The pod doors opened. The astronaut quickly got inside the pod, closing the doors behind him as the pod powered to life, lights lighting up around him in the cockpit. He put in the coordinates for the closest and safest station, the pod’s engines rumbling to life. The station shuddered again, more violently than it had before. “Shit...shit…Come on! Come on!” he yelled at the pod. He looked up at the window and the swirling mass. Fear dug deep into his chest. The pod detached from the station only to begin spiralling towards the wormhole. The astronaut’s eyes widened as he gripped the control wheel tightly, trying to turn the pod away from the swirling mass. 

“The pod is off course. The wormhole is pulling at too great of a force,” the A.I. said. The astronaut grit his teeth, struggling to turn the control wheel. The pod shuddered violently. The astronaut let out a cry as he pulled at the control wheel. “Impact is imminent,” the A.I said. “In T-minus one minute.” The pod spiralled through space, hurtling towards the pod. The astronaut stared at the wormhole, his eyes wide with horror. 

“Fitz...What’s my chance of survival?” 

“Zero.” 

“Right...” the astronaut let out a deep breath. Slowly, he placed the polaroid photo on the dash in front of him. Five smiling boys and a knight looked back at him. 

The astronaut pulled off his left glove, pressing his palm against the photograph as tears began to fill his eyes. 

“T-minus thirty seconds till impact.” 

The momentum of the pod suddenly picked up, the force throwing him back into his seat. He gripped the control wheel but it was no use. 

The red light flashed. 

The wormhole crackled and swirled through space, blue light flashing around it.

The force got stronger. 

Blue light flashed across Swagger’s face as he let out a scream, his hands clutching the control wheel. The photograph fell from the dash, fluttering to the floor of the pod. Blue light flashed blindingly into the pod. “Five...Four...Three...Two...On-” 

The world around Swagger went dark. 

Space and time warped around the pod. 

The astronaut’s hands dropped from the control wheel. 

And then it was silent. 

Silent for what felt like a lifetime. 

There was nothing.

Just an endless moment of silence. 

Swagger floated through space, lost in time. 

The photograph of the six young misfits floated through the dark. 

Home. 

Swagger wanted to go home. 

Suddenly, blue light exploded around the pod. 

The blue light crackled through the atmosphere, over the small, sleepy town. It filled the late August night with it's blue glow. 

The flash caught the eye of a young, seventeen-year-old girl with pink hair falling over her shoulders. Bordie put down her pink nail polish as she got up from her bed, hurrying over to the window as she looked up at the night sky and the flashing blue light with wide eyes. 

Walking home from the corner store, past identical suburban houses, a pink and blue coloured slushie in her hand, Bee came to a stop in the middle of the road as her shadow, illuminated with blue light, flashed across the pavement. She raised her head, looking up at the blue light filling the sky. Bee nearly dropped her slushie. 

Sitting by the lake, the senior’s party long ago having died down, Matt finished his beer. The flash of blue reflecting off the lake made Matt look up at the night sky. “What the…” he breathed, watching the blue light fill the night sky. Slowly, he stood up, staring with amazement at the flashing light that filled the sky. 

Laying in bed, his comic book fallen over his chest, Mason slept quietly, his chest rising and falling gently. The blue light flashed through his window, illuminating his action figures and the mess of clothes on his floor. The light fell softly across the young boy as though it were another blanket, gently tucking him in. 

Driving down the road, music blasting through the radio, Fitz smiled as he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, singing along to the music with his new friends. In the backseat, Toby and Jay danced and sang, their young voices filling the car. Toby and Jay didn't notice the flash of blue light but Fitz did, his bright eyes widening as he saw the world around the car become illuminated in blue light. He leaned forward, looking through the windshield at the night sky above him and the flashing light.

Alone in his bathroom, barely seventeen-year-old Swagger stared at his reflection in the mirror, his knight helmet resting on the counter beside him. He sighed. Through the window in his bedroom, the blue light flashed, faintly shining through the open door behind him and reflecting off the gold cross of his helmet. With a heavy sigh, Swagger picked up his helmet, putting it back on. 

The pod shot across the sky, over the small town. The astronaut came to suddenly, his dark eyes shooting open as he gasped for air. He looked around, slowly realizing what was happening. He screamed, gripping the control wheel tightly as the pod plummeted towards the Earth from space, the blue light flashing violently around it. 

The pod suddenly crashed over the river and landed in a farmer’s field, parts falling through the air and landing in the river. 

The blue light disappeared. 

Swagger sat limply in his seat, his eyes closed, his arms hanging over the arms of the chair, his chest still. The seat belt held him to the chair. After a few moments of silence, the ink of his faded tattoo of Saturn catching the dim light, Swagger's bare left hand twitched. 

The pod burned and fell apart around him. Smoke billowed into the air

By the bank of the river, stuck between a piece of burning metal and a rock, the photo of the six misfits fluttered in the late summer breeze. 

 


End file.
